Love

What is love? Love is the romanticized notion fed to us everyday by sappy movies, television, and everyone around us. When we are dating someone, we tell ourselves we are in love and that it will go on forever. There is only one person in this world for each of us, and to most, that one person is the person we are with at the moment until something goes horribly wrong. Once the relationship hits its breaking point we move on to the next perfect love, and continue this process either until it pans out or we settle for good enough.

Now you may get the impression that I don't believe in love from the previous statements, but really I just don't believe in the notion of a single perfect person for each and every person on the face of the earth. I too have careened from relationship to relationship completely under the delusion of love each time, running the gauntlet of girls who treated me like dirt or slept around behind my back, the rebounds, the long distance internet girls, the girls who ignored my affections, and finally what can only be called perfection to the outside observer. Each and everyone was love to me at the time, but a few stand out from the list that have never stopped being love, at least by my definition. While I may not be an expert, I've come to define love in a certain way and have recognized certain common features in the relationships that will always be a part of defining who I am.

What Love Isn't

Sex. I'll say it again. Sex. Love is not the deep down feeling of desire to have sex with someone. Just because it is often referred to as making love, does not mean that it is a defining characteristic of real honest love. All life on earth is hardwired with the desire to mate, its basic survival. Somewhere along the evolution of man the notion of love got mixed in with this basic desire, and it has become increasingly difficult to tell the two apart. It is completely possible to love someone and never be physical with them. Granted given enough time the physical element is likely to creep in, but that stems from biological imperative and is an independent function of your body and the relationship.

So What is Love Then?

Love is nearly indistinguishable from any other relationship with a person you think you love. In my own experiences I've come to find several characteristics that make it a little easier to tell the difference. Oddly enough these characteristics involve precisely what love isn't. Sex.

First sign that a relationship is a truly meaningful one is that it overrides your biological imperative to reproduce. What's that mean? You spend time with the person and truly enjoy their company without being constantly plagued by thoughts of getting them somewhere secluded so you can tear their clothes off and ravish them. Unfortunately our mind has a tendency to convince us that this is the case once we've accepted this as a defining term. Chances are if you're spending a lot of time thinking about how this must be true love because you're not constantly thinking about sex, you're really just trying to convince yourself its true.

The second characteristic is your attitude after having sex with someone. What you've done with a person is between you and them, and the moment it becomes a matter of pride or status between you and a third party you can pretty much throw love out the window. Your friends, co-workers, door man, blog, etc. do not need to know the details of your encounter. It's disrespectful and a clear indicator that your love for that person is not entirely genuine.

There is nothing profound in what I've proposed here. I'm far from an expert, but in the last decade I've been in enough relationships to have taken the time to look back and see what defining differences there were in the ones I'll never forget, and the ones I wish I could. Keep in mind that it is completely possible to truly love someone and they don't feel the same. I can honestly say that more than a few of my relationships fall under the category of one way love, and it wasn't always me doing the loving. Live and learn, it's all any of us can really do.