In a society where it is often difficult to speak from the heart and feel with the soul, do we spend too much time playing mind games, sending out signals and trying to read signals? And what if we get those signals wrong? Do we end up alone nursing a hurt ego – or even a broken heart?
New relationships can be exciting and full of flutterings. There is anticipation, hopefulness and fantasy. There are dreams of a future with only that new-found special person. But what happens when the hope and fantasy is dashed? What if you find someone and you get them all wrong? But what if that isn’t down to you? What if you have been lead down the garden path?
There are men in this world who categorise their women. These men drop their women into one of three boxes:
Firstly, the box that labels a woman as a definite possibility: this woman is everything he wants. She meets most, if not all, of his criteria. He finds her attractive, good conversation, and loves the thought of seeing her and spending that quality time. Most significantly, he would happily take the box home to meet his mother.
Secondly, the box of no return: A woman placed in this box is a definite no-no. She isn’t his type and there will never be any possibility of more. These women have the lid closed on them and have to await their true knight in shining armour to come and pull them out.
And then there is the third box – and this is where things become confusing, but only for her: She is the woman who is attractive and good company – but with whom he never wants a relationship. She is the woman he wants nothing more than casual sex with; a no-strings relationship that involves booty calls, phone or text sex, passionate kisses and hush-hush meetings – but no commitment or acknowledgement of existence. She is his ‘bit of stuff’ and will never be more.
So how does this Box Three relationship happen? Well, in the beginning, there is chemistry and laughter, sexual attraction and flirting. At this stage, she usually contemplates where this could lead while he already knows she belongs in the third box. But at what point does this become clear to her? Answer: quite often, when she has already started walking her way to the first box; quite often, when she is already past the point of no return.
It is a sad situation that new relationships seem to lack communication. We can feel immense attraction to another human being and talk of our pasts, our presents and our dreams for the future. We can kiss and make love, feel excitement and passion, but why can we not talk openly about what we feel, what we are to each other, and what we want to be? By the time this happens, we are usually already actively trusting and caring and this could spell disaster. Why do we not set the rules in the beginning? Why do we allow ourselves to fall into a trap? Why do we not care for our hearts with more dedication?
For the woman walking her way to the first box, it can be a difficult and painful moment when she realises the lid is closed. It involves rejection and humiliation, unanswered questions and self-doubt. Mr Man will walk away as his ‘bit of stuff’ became too complicated – wanted more – while Miss Third Box is left to wonder where she went wrong and how she ever got the wrong end of the stick when, really, she ‘played the game’ flawlessly.
And so I leave the question with you: as we grow and take shape, and decide to step into other peoples’ lives, shouldn’t we first take a moment to decide what we can offer and then share this thought? Because if we rely on signals and the correct interpretation of them, someone, somewhere along the line of three boxes, is going to get hurt – and all because, he spoke a language she was never taught.
