It’s true to say that society in general holds a dim view of people, like myself that by the time they reach their thirties have been divorced twice already.
I often find myself apologizing to people, as if I have committed a crime for being unlucky in love twice, when in fact a bit of sympathy wouldn't go a miss. The look on people’s faces is a true picture, and the reactions I sometimes get, are not unlike that I would get if I had two heads.
If you look at the figures for this country, they say that one in three marriages ends in divorce, so why am I penalised and treated differently just because I did it in my younger years?
Good or bad impact?
For me personally, my marital ‘failings’ have taught me a difficult, but valuable lesson for life.
After everything I have been through, I perceive myself to be a well rounded, non-judgemental, clear thinking individual, who most certainly has learnt from her mistakes over the past ten years.
My current partner of three years, with whom I have recently had a baby, certainly has benefited from having a partner experienced in the ‘art’ of relationships, and when we get married, we will be set up for life, as I am definitely not making the same mistakes a third time round.
The impact on me as a woman has not been so bad. I seem to be the one least affected by the marital disasters, and have chosen to move on. After all, why sit around wallowing about what happened in the past?
Is divorce too easy?
I suppose for people like myself who divorced under the ‘irretrievable breakdown’ umbrella, the process for doing a ‘quickie’ divorce was relatively easy.
Not however, an action I entered into lightly, the opposite in fact.
On both occasions the process took no more than six months, and was a totally painless exercise.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not endorsing this, and saying anyone in a ‘rocky’ marriage should go and get divorced because it’s so easy. But for me, having tried hard to save both my marriages, going through this easy process was just a nice ending to an unpleasant experience.
Marry in haste?
I must say, people do enter into marriages somewhat hastily at times. For me, second time round was a case of met and married in nine months. An action never to be repeated, in my case.
My current partner often thinks we will never actually get married, but he is so very wrong. I cannot wait to enter into marriage again with a man that this time round I know I am going to be with forever.
In hindsight, on the previous occasions, I myself had the example of my parents failed marriage clouding my judgement, and both my previous husbands were products of failed marriages, so what hope did we really have?
What about the children?
Many people stay together just for the sake of their children. As I said before I would never endorse the concept of divorce or separation, but I believe it is equally damaging for a couple to stay together, and tear each other apart emotionally, just for the benefit of their children.
Long-term, this benefits nobody. Children are often victims of tense home environments, where they may witness frequent arguments and unpleasantness. Surely this is tantamount to child cruelty?
If they are old enough to have an opinion then let them. Inform them what’s going on in their lives, that will significantly affect them, as you’ll see that actually they handle it better than you ever imagined. Take it from me.
The key to a smooth and amicable divorce is to be able to communicate without resorting to arguments every time.
Children are more ‘worldly wise’ than we give them credit for, and unfortunately in this society they already experience friends and peers going through, or having been through similar.
Marriage is certainly for me
I now am a huge fan of the institution of marriage. My family are so important to me, and I want nothing more than my children to grow up in a stable family unit.
This may sound idealistic, but I think I am more than qualified to comment from an experts perspective.
I personally am not a great believer in long-term cohabiting without a formal commitment. I would not like the thought of long-term, having a different surname to my children, and constantly explaining my domestic situation. Being a ‘Mrs’ is what I strive to be.
Marriage is certainly endorsed by the British Government, in fact they reward it in terms of Income Tax allowances, therefore providing another positive reason to tie-the-knot.
I want the meringue dress, fancy car, and all the trimmings that I wanted first and second time round, but didn’t have, and this time I’m jolly well going to have it.
