A colleague of mine in the media industry in the Philippines once asked me “why married men go astray,” as part of her research for an article she was doing for a woman's magazine. I don't know why she picked me to give some insights about the reasons driving these men to wander away from their matrimonial bed and onto the playing field. I am not what you might consider an expert on that subject based on experience. Honest!
Anyhow, I have friends who do fool around and in some ways had hinted during some spirited discussions their feelings.
My friend whom I would call "Mr. A" does it to get back at his wife because he feels that she has not given her enough attention he believes he deserves. Mr. A's wife you see is a career woman who often comes home stressed out from work.
It usually drove her to lose interest in sex making him most of the time frustrated. So Mr. A vent his frustrations by hopping onto a more welcoming arms and bed to fill in the gap.
Quite the opposite in the meantime is “Mr. B,” who has a successful career, a loving and devoted wife, and fabulous kids. One would think that there should be no reason for this guy to go astray and rock a seemingly blissful marriage, but that isn't the case in this situation.
His wife would do just about anything just to please him. Mr. B's odd sexual needs are eagerly fulfilled. He and the children's need are well taken cared off. So what is bugging Mr. B?
He misses the romantic feeling of being in love he says during one of our regular boys night out. It didn't matter much to me then thinking it is just one of those things you just feel some time during the course of your married life. But when Mr. B's wife started calling our wives to share her misery and seek comfort from them about his extra marital affairs' it showed that he acted on those feelings.
Why did he succumb to the ways most callous and irresponsible men do? He still loves his wife he said. Is it purely out of boredom from the monotony of marriage that oftentimes takes away romance that made him do it as he suggests?
Very childish excuses don't you think? But who says men grow up. They remain boys forever trapped inside a man's body. He might be a successful businessman, athlete, a big shot politician or even the president of a powerful nation, but still just a big boy.
The mischievousness characterizing a teenage boy is embedded deep inside the crevices of his head, or in these cases their loins. It just needs a switch to turn it on. It doesn't help also to contain these urges to do something foolish with the openness of western-based societies nowadays like in the Philippines. Maybe that's what happened here more and more switches are being turned on.
Meantime, the seemingly tolerant attitude of a male-dominated society toward philandering men and the continuing liberalism on sex contributed further on married men going astray.
But still, there is no excuse for such boyish behaviour not when other lives are at stake.
I should know I had seen it happened to us when my Dad also in some point in time in his life had meandered from us when he decided to seek other company aside from my Mom. Hardly during those days had we felt like a family. Fortunately it did not last long as my father mended his ways, but for others the suffering continue. Sadly in most cases, what had been broken could not be put back together again.
That is why divorce lawyers are making a killing today.
Clearly, to put them out of business or at least limit their profitability men should know when to stop being a boy.
They say that marriage turns boys into men. I say sometimes.
