My Secrets for Dating a Married Man

I agree with you. The cheating husband wants his cake and eat it too. Well, why not you as well, have your cake and eat it too! I agree with see him but see others, he is NOT committed to you, you don't have to commit to him. I have never dated a married man, however, right now I am considering one man. AND will not commit to him but will enjoy the moment and face what comes with dignity.

I have dated married men my entire adult life (20yrs plus) and well lets just say its a good thing cause i dont have to be committed to any body so for all of those who thinks its wrong try it you may like it

Marriage doesn't have the meaning it did 20 years ago as the dynamic of relationships evolves. This is really good advice in a world where no one wants to admit that this situation is becoming commonplace.

I am in a relationship with a married man and it
is the worst thing I ever did. I will never do
this again. They cheat on their wife and they will
cheat on you. Please never stoop so low because
that is how you will feel after time.

I've just split up with a married man. We have been dating for 1,5 year. It was great. I didn't know about this pieces of advice but tried to behave according to them. I promised myself not to wait for him.. not to push.. not to cry when he is going home.. not to fall in love. Now, they are in the middle of divorce - not because of me, but because of her. She decided to start a new chapter in her life, without kids and husband. But our relationship's got worse.. maybe because I've fall in love. I know he is the one. But I can not be any longer an entertaining cake. I've been depressed. Now he is telling he is not ready for a relationship. He asked me to wait a bit.. maybe a year, maybe longer.. I understand. But I'm not going to wait! In the name of what? In the name he will decide in one year time he is still not ready?! I'll take my time. It's not easy to get what you want outside, even there are many men, who are trying to pick you up.. I've already managed to spoil 3 relations.. because of being in love in the only one.. I'm not going to waste any more time. I said I quit. And it's not fair to make me stay if he doesn't want me! I have a feeling he may cheat me as he cheated his wife.. I'm afraid there's no future for affairs. Let them be short and sweet. Let them die when they still full of excitement, colors, passion..

I am in a relationship with a married man. He tells me that he has never met anyone he loves as much as me but that he cannot leave his wife because he has small children. He used to say a year, then he said two years and now he is unsure. So, as it becomes apparent that he is using me, all in the name of love, I am confused. When I try to break it off, he swears that he loves me more than anything in the world. I feel stupid for falling for this and alone because I really care about him. I will never tell his wife because I can\'t imagine causing her that kind of pain. I never wanted to hurt her, I just fell in love with him. I am really struggling to have the strength to break this off. This is not love. This is not worth it. If you are thinking about doing this...just don\'t.

I have never dated a married man before now. Before our actual date we had several email, text and phone conversations in which he always seemed excited to have. This went on for weeks. Now since the date everything dropped off. Only one response to how hot and great he thought I was. On the date I pretty much laid out that I thought it would be more of a sexual than emotional relationship. Mostly because he's married, but also because that would simply be better for me right now. He seemed fine with it. But after the date - which was great - I have heard very little from him. A post-date flirty email and that was it until I sent another to say hello, which he responded to by saying he liked being with me.

My question is: did I misread the attraction? I thought the whole point was to have someone to have fun with on the side. Did my saying that what I really wanted was more of a sexual relationship turn him off? Is it possible that he wanted more from me emotionally? Should I have let him set the standards without stating my desires? His distance now seems strange for someone who was clearly attracted to me and enjoyed my company.

I read your rules and I don't plan on contacting him first again. But what do these guys really want? Sex or emotional attachment? Isn't emotional attachment what the already have with their wives? I'm not looking for love, I'm looking for fun and thought married men would make that easier. Is that no true?

i started dating a married man seven months ago. it's all fun and games til your sitting at home by yourself on christmas and easter sunday. talk about a lesson in humility. nothing like spending all the major holidays by youself while he has his cake and eats it too. and married men are the worst at guilt trips. why is it that i should be so damn appreciative that he makes so much time for me. "MAKES TIME," are you serious? a man should WANT to be with a woman not have to "make time," for her as if she is some tedious, pain in the ass, task. cheating married AND seperated men make me sick.

I have been with a married man for 9 months. It took me 1 1/2 months before we had sex, after that the L word was flying. I've know him for 17 years and he is a very good man with a big heart, very giving and now...very hard to give up. There has been no dates or promises made to him getting a divorce, but over New Years asked me to have patience and to wait. So how long will that be?? How long do you wait? How long do you torture yourself? You feel like a dog chasing his tail. Its a dead end road ladies. If your contemplating it PLEASE don't do it. It has heartache written all over it. If your in it already pray and ask God to help you find the strength to leave the situation behind you. It's not worth it. There is a good man out there that is Single. You deserve 100% not 50% or less.

I'm considering dating a married guy. Before we even started flirting he was talking to other mutual friends about leaving his wife and says he plans to do that within the next two months. In the past couple days we've had a couple dates and a very nice kiss. I'm embarrased that I'm allowing myself to go there. Fortunately, he is the one insisting that we wait to consummate our relationship until he's filed for divorce.

more layers...he's also 20 years older than me and his oldest child and I are the same age. He's very close to his children and worried about how they would feel about him dating someone so young. But the connection, the chemistry and concern we have for each other is undeniable. I'm impressed that he's asked me to wait for sex. But I've never been the other woman and have serious reservation about taking on that role right now. thanks to you all for having someplace to go and get support and advice about such a secret situation.

So I\'ve dated married men in the past. The first was when I was 24 and I fell totally in love - moved across the country too. He made all the promises and I was naive enough to believe them. Actually, that was the first and only time I\'ve ever truly been in love. Then I met a man who was literally on his way out the door of his marriage. He had is own place and everything looked just fine - the house they had together was up for sale and she knew about me. But when he went over to sign the papers - well, he couldn\'t do it. I got a call from her that evening telling me I was crazy if I were to believe for a moment she would allow him to give her up. Luckily, I didn\'t fall in love with this guy but I did give him a black eye the next time we crossed paths.

After talking to a counselor I finally understood the first affair - he was 12 years my senior, very distinguished and had a strong character - obviously looking for someone to fill the void my father left. The second guy was more or less seperated but in reality that\'s just a different state marriage for someone who is wanting to see if greener pastures really do exist. Both of these men I pushed and cried and whined and begged just thinking if I could be what they wanted me to be they would want me. Sounds crazy but that\'s the truth and I was miserable the whole way through.

Listen, the aforementioned advice is well versed. Don\'t wait for him to leave his wife and accept the fact you are in a relationship with someone who under no certain terms can offer you commitment at this moment. Sure go ahead and enjoy him, laugh, kiss, have sex, say \"I love you\" but always keep your senses about the whole thing. Remember, you choose to be in this situation and you can remove yourself if you so desire. He is the lucky one for having the opportunity to spend a moment in your world.

It hurts to be dating a MM. knowing you are on the losing side yet struggling to maintain your dignity. Its a dead end route. Enjoy and keep a clear head, remember theres no tomorrow. or just walkaway if feelings are building up inside ourself.

I'm seriously thinking of dating a married man. He is my best friend of 7 yrs. We love each other, but he has 2 kids and is not sure if he should divorce. He says he married her for the wrong reason (because she was pregnant) and wants out. But I'm not sure if he has the guts to leave. I've been practicing the steps that are outlined in this article, but I'm not sure if I want to actually pursue him. Furthermore, he talks about us being together in the near future. I don't bring it up, I let him. If anyone could give me their take on my situation, it would be much appreciated. I plan to see him next weekend. Would sex be crossing the line. Should I stray away from talking about us??

I am fresh out a relationship with a married man and I feel good, better than I\'ve felt in months. It feels good to leave while he begs me to come back. I still have my dignity which you\'ll no doubt lose if you cling to their empty promises. His wife may not be good in bed, may not show him much appreciation, but they have HISTORY and if applicable, children together so nope, he won\'t leave.

You\'re worth much more than second best, which is exactly what we are when we stay in a relationship with a married man. Don\'t be the side dish, a good man who\'ll love you may be passing by. I have felt guilty in the past. No matter how much he say he loves you, the fact of the matter is, he\'s going right home to lie in her bed after you give him your body. That makes a woman feel lower than low. You\'re giving him all of you and what do you get in return? Nothing but sex and empty promises. Go for #1 position, you\'ll never be #1 where a married man is concerned. No matter what he says you are being USED.

I am dating a married man, but we have not had sex yet. I am intrigued by the notion of a married man because I am independent, don\'t want to change my life too much, but still want some easy going romance. I am concerned that if I sleep with him I will fall in love with him and end up with a broken heart. I\'ve never been wired for casual sex; going to bed with a man has always been a big step toward moving forward in a relationship for me. Fortunately, he\'s not pushing for it and we\'re waiting until we both feel right about it.

What I am trying to make sure I understand is that if we love one another, sleep together and enjoy each other\'s company, I will still be able to see the relationship for all that it really is, just a finite, limited relationship with virtually no possibility of marriage. On the other hand, I don\'t necessarily believe that marriage is the be-all-end-all of happiness. If we can just love and respect one another and maintain perspective of what this relationship is -- and never will be --, perhaps we can both be very happy with what we have. I hope so, but I\'ll keep you posted if anything changes.

I'm young, independent, and unromantic. I don't want to fall in love or have a relationship. I want someone who is very busy so I don't have to spend too much time with them. Married men fit the bill perfectly and I'm not going to apologize, nor do I go looking for them. Do it if you won't fall in love.

I never intended to date a married man either. Never wanted to, always wanted my own guy. I didn't and still don't want someone looking at me with those eyes that have so much (seemingly) behind them, then think that maybe he's giving someone else that same look. Never knowing exactly what's going on at home, if he's telling the truth that they don't get along, that they haven't slept together in months. Because there's always the chance that they are getting along today. But it happened. I resisited at first. Told him all the reasons why I didn't want to get involved. Everything I told him that day still rings true. I bring it up everytime we hit an inpass.
1. You'd be too easy to fall for.
2. You don't need this in your life if you already have issues.
3. I don't want to be a secret.
4. It'd be more trouble than it's worth.
5. I don't want to hurt her, or me or you.
...on and on and on.
But then he said to me, "don't you think you should do what makes you happy".
And that has apparently been my excuse for the past 6 months. He does make me happy. He can read into my heart like I've never experienced. He wears his heart on his sleeve. I have started falling in love... I think I actually am. BUT...I talked to him yesterday, and it's the same story. I told him I wouldn't be in this situation in six months. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I had to say, I've been dating a married man for a year and I love him to boot. He thought that sounded like an ultimatum. I told him it really wasn't, that I was just letting him know where I stood. Just like he let me know he couldn't be on a time frame. It's funny how you hear about this kinda thing and think, what's that girls' problem, doesn't she know what's going on, but when it's you and the man you love, it's a totally different situation. Love is love, and love can be blind--or just what you want to see.

I am going out with someone married. we met in college even tho it was his last year there and he's been married 2.5 years. he told me in jnuary his wife wanted divorce but they would wait until she gets her green card in november. meanwhile, hes asking me to wait an dbe patient. i love him so much, hes the first man i had sex with and he hasnt told me that he loves me, he says its hard for him right now and he still ahs feelings for his wife, but that he has feelings for me.
its a torture to be waiitng for him to call or write to me . he says hes busy and cant talk online when she's home and we can't have long calls. it hurts so much at night to think hes back home with her, even tho we slept together for about 8 months. i cant go see him until the divorce things gets settled, and now hes not even sure hes getting divorced cause things are working out with his wife again. its very painful and im trying so hard to breka things up with him, but i dont have the strenght nd i love him so much. im an idiot to think we'll actually meet up whenever he gets divorced (if at all) and we'll start a relationship

I am intrigued by #16\'s comments. I have been in love with someone for 3 years, going on 4. It was an intense, mutual attraction from day 1. Although we are very close, we have never been physically intimate yet because he is married and we are well known in the community. His wife and I are also \"friends\" but not close. I like her and I would never want to ruin her marriage or hurt her. I have a great deal of admiration and respect for this man. I know he is not happy in his marriage, because he has said this much, in public. But he is reluctant to hurt his family by abandoning his wife or having an affair. I know he is lonely or he would not be seeking me out for friendship, companionship, soul-mate type sharing of our deepest feelings, fears, and dreams.

Sounds corny and headed for disaster, I know. I am a very beautiful, educated, professional. I have had many offers for other dates and relationships with single men. But no one makes me feel the way he does. I have resolved that I will live the rest of my life alone if I cannot be with him.

Sure,sounds silly and like a hopeless romantic. Believe me, I have been around and around, testing myself, judging myself, should I move on or stay? The answer is always, stay. Someone that special is worth waiting for, and even if there is no future, the precious times we enjoy together are worth it.

Yet we are all human and we have emotions and needs, and sometimes a spouse cannot meet all of your needs. It is your guilt and compassion that keeps you there. And your being human that makes you want more. If a couple is truly in love and they respect one another, and refrain from sex to keep things \"clean\" I think they are to be commended. After all we are human and we don\'t know why we fall in love. When we find it, it is a rare and beautiful experience, as long as no one is getting hurt, why not appreciate the time you have together? Life is short and special people don\'t come along every day. Who are we,to judge others? We don\'t know how they hurt in an unhappy marriage, their feelings of being torn between their children, spouse and their lover?

I know couples who started out as an affair and ended up happily married when everyone finally found their strength to admit the truth. It is not easy and not all are happy endings.

I say, do not miss the chance to love as long as no one is getting hurt. As for your own pain, don\'t expect too much and you will never be disappointed. Pain is not from loving too much, pain is from jealousy and feelings of abandonment. Get your own issues taken care of, live a full and rich life, take care of yourself first and all else will fall into place when the timing is right.

Girls out there, my advice is, NEVER, I SAY, NEVER get urself involved with a married man. Love is like fire in the bush, once you start it, its hard to control. I met this young, handsome man who immediately told me he is married. I vowed never to entertain him, but then he started calling now and again and before i even knew it i had already started falling in love. Now i just love him and am not even so sure how to leave him. We are just so close. We spend 95% of our time together. Even the wife has started admitting that, thats the way the husband should live.The more i love him, the more i have jealous over him. I usually want to be with him every second. I am just in love BUT i really want to stop this. I dont know how. Please if there are women there who are about to fall for a married man, DONT try, YOU will regret. There are there BUT they dont want any commitment.
REMEMBER: If he is cheating his wife with you, he will definately cheat on you.

#17 sounds like we are with the same man.....except we have been physical together 2 years and have been in love for 11 years. I hear all the same stories....\"don\'t you think you should do what makes you happy?\" \"the heart loves when the heart loves and we cannot control who our hearts love.\" \"life is so short to not be happy.\" He cries when I try to leave him, when I try to give up on this and begs me to wait for our life because we will always be together. My heart hurts each night as we say good night. I just sit and pray for guidance and strength to make the right decisions. Last of all, I pray for forgiveness.

i have been in a relashonship if thats what u call it with a married man for two years we didnt spend much time together at the begining it was once a week or month now we are together everyday i get holidays and birthdays i even get some nights we get along great i love him so much ive never told him that and alot of your tips are so true he has never told me he was gonna leave her we kinda have an understanding i guess thats what you call it i never talk about his wife or ask questions about them the other day i met her for the first time and seen what she looked like and wonder to myself why he cheats on her and seeing her and being around her was kind of weird he owns a bussines and i was up there doing a project for him and she came to bring him lunch i knew it was her because ive been in her car severl times i never thought we would be face to face like that and being the other woman really suckd at that moment because reality set in that hell never be just mine

I posted earlier that I was contemplating dating a married man. Well I wouldn't call us dating. I'm not sure what we are. I am sure that I am done with his bull...I guess I'm just not cut out for this type of relationship. I need more attention and he just can't give me that. Not because of his wife, they are pretty much separated, but because he obviously doesn't want me or her. He doesn't want a relationship with anyone period. He's getting a divorce and I'm not willing to wait around for him to settle down with again. I kindof lost site of rule#6. Let him come to you. I honestly didn't think I was chasing. Maybe I sent one too many text messages. Lol. Either way I'm letting it go. I have someone who actually cares about me and if my so called bestfriend of 7yrs (the married man)cared half as much he would be more attentive. It's truely sad that I'm being forced to not only end this affair, but also our friendship. I haven't said anything to him about this. Does anyone think I should tell him that I want to end the affair and our friendship?

Well, I have been dating a married man for about 6 months. I too wait by the phone, wonder what he is doing and would like more of his time. He has been married for 30 years and his wife is not interested in this amazing man any longer. If he leaves now, he will be forced to give up half of everything he has worked for, she has never worked outside of the home so, he would take care of her because he is a good guy and beleive it or not I understand that. I see how this works and how who I am at 40 is not who I was 20 or 30 when I was married. I have a career and can keep myself busy so he is not my whole life. My problem is that, I am making a sacrifice for us to be together and if I thought he cheated on my.......it would break my heart

Never date a married man. They lie to you and their wife - wanting to have the best of both worlds. i.e. the life of a single man and the pleasures of being married. They will tell you anything you want to hear to keep you available for sex outside of their marriage. They love the thrill of keeping such a big secret from their family. It can be an adrenaline rush for some guys. I finally wised up after dating a married man that I dearly loved for 2 years - waiting and waiting for him to finally decide that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It never happened. Ironically, his wife found out about us right after I broke up with him, and she has kicked him out and wants a divorce. But even if he begged me to come back I wouldn't do it now. I don't want to be his last choice.

Ive been seeing a married man for about 8 months. its honestly the best sex ive ever had in my life thats why i cant stop. i love spending time with him, im so happy. in some sick way i wish he would admit he has feelings for me but he never would. im so tired of waiting around and always wondering what hes doing or even if hes seeing other girls! its so wrong but i cant let go. i know deep down what i have to do but the words just dont come out when i want them too.

My story echos all the other postings. I can't believe that there are women out there who share the same story as I. I wish I had the strength to leave my MM. He consumes so much of my life. Also, he is many years my senior, therefore he is also a father to me. I believed the lies--the divorce is coming right after he sells this and that, or "soon baby we'll be together". I know in my heart it won't happen but I can't seem to pull away. I take advantage of all the trips to Europe, the money, the sweet letters but ultimately I sleep alone while he sleeps with his wife in there beautiful condo in Manhattan. Oh yes of course he thinks about me while we're apart--yeah right! For any girl out there interested in a MM, please re consider. This is such a slippery slope-more like quicksand and if you are not strong it can consume you. I have tried to walk away in the past but I couldn't. But in my heart I know I need to. I hope I have the strength.

-Simone

#21 Yup, I'm with that man to. I've been dating a married man for the past 11 months. We met at work and he was posted in my country for the past 3 years. The wife he's with right now, they've been married for a year but been together for 7. They got married 1 month before we first met. At first, I didn't want to do it, the guilt was too big. But seeing each othe all day monday-friday at work, we ended up flirting, text messaging each other, emailing and before I know it, we started seeing each other even on weekends. Stealing an hour on the weekends just to for a quick lunch. Or stealing time after work just to spend time. Yes, I'm in love with him. He left, back to his country about February this year... and I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing. He cried and begged me to never leave him and give him a chance because he said we're Kismet aka soulmates. So i gave in and stayed with him. He is everything that I want and he is all i need, other than the fact that he is married, no kids yet, but still MARRIED!
I tried to break up again with him last week. He said no matter what happens he's coming back to get me and bring me back to his country to be with him. He's coming back soon... but I don't think I will see him... I'm in love with him and wish I'm not. Because it sucks to know that at the end of the day, all I get is whatever time he got away from his wife. I'm still second. I'm leaving him eventually, I'm doing it slowly... and yes I pray everyday so someday I'll be strong enough to leave him for good. Because, I'm starting to realise that... he will never ever leave his wife, no matter how much he says he will. He never ever will... Girls out there, I'm not gonna tell you don't. Don't be afraid to make a mistake in life, cos if you've never done anything wrong, u wont ever know what's right.

I agree completely with number 16, thats exactly what i'm looking for!

I have been dating a married man for more than 2 years and I have tried desperately to split up with him many times. I know it is only the sexual attraction between us that makes us come back for more but why is it I can\'t give that up and believe there is someoneout there better for me. This one is very controling and I feel as though he has brainwashed me and that is why I have problems walking away. I have only been with abusive relationships in my life and my therapist tells me I shouldn\'t even be in a relationship because my head is so messed up. Could it be messed up from this twisted love affair with this married man that has been causing all the heartache?

They always say there has never been no one like you to fulfill my sexual needs. You fulfill my wildest dreams...blah...blah...blah. well it is a bunch of crap! I have been fooled into thinking that there is no one out there for me and yet I won\'t walk away from this twisted affair I am in.

The only thing that has come from it.... I have been working on a erotic-romance novel that has a murder mystery in it and I hope to publish it someday. The story is fiction but much of my ideas came from this crazy mixed up relationship I have with this married man. I havve written over 30,000 words for the book and my mind just won\'t shut off in writing it. I may have to make more than one sequel to it if I keep this rate up.

We all love are MM. My MM has been \"into me\" for 7years. We just now became a thing about 8months ago. Took about 2mo for sexual things to happen. I wouldn\'t go there. Then I did. Now I am in love. There\'s so many questions so many things we should talk about but we don\'t. He is so \"risky\". It\'s like he wants to get caught because he won\'t leave her. I\'ve said no many times - because it was so risky. I broke it off once. I fell back into him. He plays the protective role - doesnt like other men looking at me or if they bother me---we work together - but in soo different areas. we went almost 5years without \'seeing\' eachother-he saw me everyday. I didn\'t see him. These other postings are right! If you show that you care about him-he show distance-he loves the chase. he acts like a boyfriend. i dont give my options up. he thinks i\'m nto him and only him. he doesnt know who I see on the side- i lie about it. he would get upset. what do we do? who do we turn to??

I am 33. I have everything going for me. It is obvious to my mm that I dont need him - I take care of my own business. He wants to be needed in our relationship and wants to show that he will protect me... I dont understand it all.

I\'m also flattered. Before we were involved sexually he chased me and I ignored it - but he is in a position that requires sooo much of his time and he has so much on his plate - he barely has time for his family. then makes time for me. with the exception of kids. we haD a kid rule. which was broken. of coarse it was. he cant come over when i have my kids - he doesnt come over when he has his kids. that lasted a month or two.

i don\'t know what to do...where are the answers. we do care about eachother so much. but what do we do????

Dating a married man really weird.Ive been involved for about 9 months and he is completly honest about the situation. But i still manage to stick around.In my opinion it is not a good idea for the simple reason that you are and will always feel second best. Not to mention very lonley. And in the back of your mind even if he was to end up with you would you go crazy thinking he could be doing it to you. Hey once a dog always a dog.

we all seem to have the same sad story which is why i am on this site. hoping for the inspiration to stop my own affair with a mm. why is it that sex seems so much better and feelings more intense with a mm than any of our normal relationships? because there is nothing real about it except for sharing(usually by phone) our daily lives. it is easy to share your inner thoughts and fears with someone in a \"controlled\" relationship. we don\'t have to fight over kids, politics,deal with financial situations or argue over our next vacation. there is no real balance. both of us are feeding into eachothers unhealtiest needs to give the relationship some credence. it is wrong for all of us simply because we\'ve all heard the warnings going in and are doing this simply out of boredom and insecurity and worst of all WE ALL KNOW THAT.sometimes things get tough in life and we reach out for love. when we are desperate enough we will take it from anywhere. i do not think it helps to emotionally beat oneself up over this choice, but i do believe we will all get our self-esteem and strength back when we stop compromising ourselves. i know we will all feel better without this type of love. we get sick over it and overimagine because deep down we know it\'s not right. we play mental games to convince ourselves to just enjoy the moment. there cannot be a happy ending even if we get them to leave their marriages. yes, chances are they will cheat again and we will only find out the hardest way what a jerk they really are. we also know that without being told we feel worse in this helpless situation. the world can get very lonely even when we are surrounded with people and we fall fast for instant happiness. like a drug, the need for love can be so powerful. in reading all of the above, i will say that nobody is happy in their affair and all for the same basic reasons. we are giving chunks of ourselves to someone who still gets in bed everynite with the person they claim they don\'t really want to be with. not with us. most of their energy is going into their primary relationship, their marriage. and if it\'s bad, it just takes more of their energy. we are settling for the crumbs. i keep remembering something a phsychology proffessor in college said,\" love should not hurt.\" it sounds like we are all in pain.

I've been married about 10 yrs now and not happy at all. Things are going from bad to worse at home, and then out of the blue I met this really attractive young lady at my workplace recently! I got her number and we call and txt each other constantly. Our relationship is heating up and moving fast and our first kiss was so magical! At first my attraction to her was purely physical and I love everything about her: her hair, nails, clothes, the way she walks and talks, etc. etc. but as I got to know her intimately I love her as a person and I want so much more of her! I feel depressed some times when I think about the people I've hurt and sometimes I wish she can meet someone who can give her 110%. I pray for their forgiveness but I am so in love with her that I can't let her go! She is everything that a man can want and more! I need some advice on how to break off this relationship as gently as possible...

Huh..I looked up dating a married guy and found this.Im 37 and he is almost 50. I have found him attractive for years and he happens to be one of my Dads best friends. Go figure. The 3 of us went out to dinner the other night and my dad left us there. Bad idea. We hooked up. That night and then the next at his house. Apparently, he and his wife are separated but hell you never know. Do I feel guilty? Sorry to say no. I have no idea why. He does now though. Told me what a great time he had but it was "bad fun". True,it was but to me it was still fun. Now I have to(for me) not text him. I have, but no response.That to me means no more.It is a bummer for me because I really like him and have for a long time. I deleted his number off my phone but I know his number by heart anyway so that doesn't help. I just turn my phone off at night when I get lonely so I don't text. All this and I KNOW I will be running into him because as I said he is friends with my dad. Sucky. I wouldn't do it again. Well with him maybe,but anyone else no. It just sucks. Knowing he is at his house without his wife(she is 1000 miles away) and he feels guilty. Wish I would have never gone out dinner with them and I wouldn't have to feel this way.

You seem confused! the easiest way to break it off is to stop texting and calling! Whatever you do, do NOT tell her how you really feel about her! Just keep it sex only and you should be fine! I know this sounds cold but its the only way to keep your sanity! Also, don't beat yourself up cause we're all human.

I am dating a married man and I am married as well. My husband travels for three weeks at a time and is never available for me when he comes home. I have never loved anyone as much as I love the person I am seeing, he says he has the same feelings for and that he feels horrible for hurting his wife`s feelings. He has told her he wanted to leave and she called lots of members of his church to talk to him and get him into counseling. I do not pressure him because I am not ready to leave my husband. We agreed that we will make the changes in our lives because we had already experienced and concluded that the marriage was over, then we will take time to build upon what we have. HOWEVER, I fear he will never separate from his wife, he might just drag this forever and I do not feel strong enough to end the relationship. He has recently rented an apartment and we have been furnishing it slowly so that he can feel stronger about maybe moving there - some days he tells me he is ready to break up with her and some days he says he feels very guilty about leaving. I am SO confused! I know he has feelings for me and that he probably wants to end all this but we just cannot do it. I pray to God that we will find an answer soon. My husband is the rudest person ever but he is there in many ways when I need him. I have seen people falling in love and staying together forever but I know it is very rare. He is all I want in my life and I would file for divorce today if I knew he would be there for me.

I am dating a married man. We knew each other a long time ago and just picked up where we left off by accident. He swears that he will get a divorce but is concerned about his kids. He takes me on work trips and meets me as much as he can. I love him and he says he loves me. For the first time I felt ashamed yesterday, when we arrived a the airport and had to separate before baggage claim so he could meet his family. I was mortified. This is the lonliest relationship I have ever been in.

I cant take it anymore. Ive been seeing a married man and hes all i can think about. His wife got suspicious and now he wants to "slow down". I havent spoken to him in about a week. I miss his but i have to keep it to myself. I wish i could get out of it but its so hard. Any Advice??

I \"dated\" a married man a long time ago and swore I\'d never do it again. He broke my heart. I fell head over heels in love with him. I guess he was different then most of them because he never made promises or really lied to me. But I couldn\'t take it anymore. Holidays alone, sneaking around, wanting to be with him more and more. I closed myself off for years from even caring about anyone else. Gained alot of weight to protect myself from the outside world. A few months ago I met a MM at work and sparks started flying between us. We admitted how we feel but he is not a cheater and I don\'t want to play the other woman role again. So, we said we will be friends only. It is hard, we are so drawn to each other and have so much in common. We have the same sense of humor. I adore him and he seems to adore me. Our co-workers can tell and make comments \"in a joking way\" that there is something going on between us. We tried to back off, stay away from each other but we were both miserable. I need him and he needs me. We try not to ever be anywhere alone as to avoid the temptation of crossing the line.

I have been seeing a married man for 6 years, when we started I was married also, I got divorced a year ago, now he has moved out, he said leaving his wife has nothing to do with me, they have been married for 20 years and with problems maybe 15. Now they are two small boys in the picture, I have one child myself. Since he has moved out she is giving him the guilt trip for abandoning the kids, he is a great father and a very emotional person, but he has told her he is not in love with her anymore and he can't take anymore of all the things she has put him through all these years, he can't ignore them anymore and he wants to be happy, now she is saying she wants to work things out after not being intimate for almost 4 years and living in separate rooms for 2 years, they had tried counseling before didn;t work, she does not know I exist, no one knows, in the meantime I am sitting here waiting, he says he wants to married me, he has been there for me for the past 6 years, I am so stressed seeing him going through this, my divorce was easy, my husband and I agreed it was time to moved on, he thought his will be the same, now she is using the kids against him and she is being difficult, I don't know what to do, I am in love with him and he is worth it but is it fair to me to sit here and wait?

I too am just out of a relationship with a married man. Honestly? It was the worst thing I've ever done. He started with the Love words too, he gave me nothing but letdowns, disappointments, broken promises, made plans knowing he wouldn't be able to make it, stood me up, etc....Then, if that wasnt bad enough, you would think that his wife and I was enough. However, we weren't and he was seeing OTHER people too. Lying, cheating man all the way! I'm sorry I fell for him, I'm sorry I ever went to meet him that first time. It's a lonely, lonely road to travel, girls. You're gonna get sucked in and when he leaves you, he's going back to his bed that he shares with his wife, the house he shares with her, his life he shares with her, and their kids. So, really, really think about it. It isn't worth the heartache and pain.

I am #13 and #23. I am proud to say I cut him off!! He was way too inconsistent for me. I need more out of a relationship and out of life. I'm young and don't have the patience. Plus, I think he was cheating on me with another woman. I can't speak for everyone. Honestly, I believe some women are with a married man who truly cares about them and will eventually leave their wives, yet for the few like me...he is a dog. It's not worth it. I never allowed myself to get in so deep that i lost sight of me and what I really wanted. I continued to date the guy I had been with for 2yrs the whole time we had the affair. The only thing I regret is losing my friend. My MM and I were friends for 7yrs before the affair. Best friends at that. I really wish he would have just been completely honest with me, maybe then I would still be his friend. I can't imagine ever forgiving him for his actions. There was never a reason for him to lie to me because he had no obligations to me. If you are dating someone your close to who's married. Be aware that you may end up together...or you may lose a good friend. Is it really worth it? I would say no because I'm gonna miss his friendship so much. The sex was good, but I would rather have a shoulder to lean on than sex any day.

#43 You are so right about friendship being more important than good sex. I have a very close friendship with the MM I spoke about in my earlier post. One of the things that keeps us from crossing that line into the physical is not wanting to ruin a great friendship. Oh I'm sure the sex would be as good as the fantasy of it but I keep reminding myself that in the long run it wouldn't be worth what we would lose. Maybe some day you and him will get the friendship back. I wish you the best.

Wow, # 17! I swear u worte that for me. Im so seriously going crazyright now, but ut post just made things a lil easier. I will tell my entire story @ another time as I can't rite now, but THANK YOU, really, all of u, for helpig me realize im not crazy for feeling what I feel and for not running away from him as fast as possible.

#21 sounds like my man to the tee! wow

Well girls I have always believed that everyone should digest their situation before I stepping into the unknown. I for one made a promise that I would never date a married man, Well girl I almost did the unthinkable, YES! I was about to test the waters of a marriage man. Thanks to that inter-voice that slapped me into reality. First of all if a man step to you, he must be ready to step to you like a true man not a boy, be careful when he begin the spill of is retiring and the great job he has landed. Be honest tell him you in school and you are seeking a degree etc in your major therefore you don't have any extra money to waste. When a man tells you he's paying bill and don't offer to pay at least one of yours quest what it's time to stop answering the phone/email. Run for the hills

I met this woman recently and we hit it off from the start. I tried my best not to mention my marital status but she asked and I had to tell her! That didn't change any thing for us though! Things only became hotter! We see each other only on Saturdays and wow... sparks fly and the sex is out of this world! I have fallen for her big time.. but recently I found out that she too is married! What a tangled web we weave! Now we are too deep into each other but this is so wrong at so many levels! I keep having second thoughts but as soon as I call her or text her, things get started again! How do you stop this madness???

I\\\'m married, as is this guy I\\\'m into. Both unhappily. My husband and I are at the point we sleep in separate bedrooms. This married man and I have been friendly for about a year and subtly flirting and more friendly for the past 6 mos. or so. As of now, we\\\'ve theoretically been \\\"just friends\\\" but it\\\'s gotten to the point where he\\\'s strongly hinting he wants to sleep with me and I\\\'m planning on taking him up on this. My concern is that his wife, who I am friendly with, not find out. He\\\'s cheated on her before, so while the cheating would upset her, the fact that it\\\'s with someone she knows and considers a friend, would no doubt upset her even more.
I feel somewhat guilty about that aspect of this, however I know what it is to be unhappily married and not divorce for all sorts of complicated reasons. He and I are both looking for someone to help with the loneliness, stress, and lack of sex. I have no idea whether I will one day regret this, but right now I just need to do something for myself and see what happens.

We met four months ago and it was an instant attraction we were both stumbling over ourselves like school kids every time we saw one another. We started off writing notes to each other, lol, and then the flirting was obvious, it was like we both didn't care who saw us anymore, nothing mattered really, just each other. We had nothing physical until two weeks ago and forget it, it was amazing, the sparks that flew and my God the first kiss, we feel we have always loved each other, but life is cruel sometimes. He is 12 years older, im 29 and he's 41, and when we're together u wouldn't know there's any difference in age, we just bring out the best in each other. This isn't an wasy situation, it gets harder to deal with every day as the feelings grow. It gets lonely at times too, the days he has to be home and can't see me or call me. It sucks sometimes but I knew what I was getting into when I got into it. He's worth it though and he makes me happy enough to deal with it. I won't put up with it forever, i'm not even gonna lie to myself about that. I won't ask him to leave his wife and kids, that's something he has to do on his own when he's ready, if he ever does. He cried when I tried to break things off he begged me not to leave, he swears he doesn't know how to live life without me now that i've changed him, so I stay.

Sometimes, u tell yourself it isn't right and u remember the many times you swore off ever dating a married man and then u look in his eyes and all that flies out the window...will I regret this? Probably. Will I end up broken? Probably. But at least if tomorrow never comes at least I had it ...

so before i start my story im gonna change the names of people. there is of course me, then there is james(my on/off bf), brad(the guy im seeing now) and Tasha(his wife)...

ok me and brad met in 2006. i was living with james although at the time we were not dating (we had dated before on and off since 2002) but we were intimate. well james got sent off on a job site to wisconsin and got stranded there. Brad being a good friend drove me all the way there to get him.( trust me this has meaning ull see) anyways shortly after that me and tasha both found out we were pregnant. me with james\' baby and her with brads. well it took 2months for james to propose to me and brad eventually married tasha in 2007 right after the baby was born. he did it because it was the right thing to do. him and tasha have always had problems in the relationship. im not saying this because he tells me this but because i have witnessed it as i have been at their house numerous times over the past couple years.anyways brad has recently been working for my parents out at our house(yes i live with my parents unfortunately, im 20 by the way and brad is 26). well my uncle and brad r really good friends, so one night i was in town with my uncles wife and their lil girl visiting one of our friends. well we had to go over to brads to pick my uncle up and had to sit there for awhile. and to give u an idea of how bad the problems between tasha and brad are heres wat happened that night. she told him she was eventually goin to divorce him, that if he wants more kids hes gonna have to have them with someone else bcuz she doesnt want anymore, she hated being pregnant. tasha refuses to take their son to doctor appointments brad does it, he has to pick him up from daycare, tasha will go out on \'girls nites out\' and not come home until the following morning. shes also been cheating on him since december(prob. longer than that). well a couple weeks ago(before he found out she was cheating on him) we started texting, and he told me that hes liked me since the trip to wisconsin.
anyways last week she moved out and filed for divorce. since then she has told him she still wants to be with him just not married to him, she signed the divorce papers and sent them in so hell b getting them shortly.
so i am dating a married man and i dont feel guilty about. i kno people say if hell cheat on her hell cheat on u. but normally hes not that kind of a person. he doesnt make me promises that hes leaving her and i dont ask him to. i care very much about him and jus want him to b happy. if that ends up not being with me ill understand. i dont want to take him away from his son cuz i couldnt imagine my son getting taken away from me.
being with a married man doesnt always have to so condeming. when the situation is like this i dont see wat there is to b ashamed of. im starting to fall in love with, as hard as im trying not to it is happening. i havent been this happy in a long time. im normally a very self concious person, im always worried about the way i look or if my body looks good. when im with him it doesnt matter. before i could never have sex in the daylight bcuz id b concerned of the way i look, but with him i can, and have. i get giggly and i cant stop smiling. ive even started to giggle while we r in the middle of having sex. anyways he no longer wears his wedding band. and even though there is no gaurentee that him and his wife will actually get divorced and leave eachother. it doesnt matter to me. to me even if i get hurt in the end, it is/was/will be all worth it.

P.s. when tasha goes out with her \'boyfriends\' shes takes their son with her. i have never taken my son with me to see brad, and i would never involve my son in this. my son is at my house when brad is out here working yes, so he is familiar with him however its different than takin my son with me to go meet brad. id never do that to my son. anyways i jus needed to share my situaton with someone. so please dont judge me on this. and sorry it was sooo long haha.

I too have done the unthinkable. Starting dating a married man. And the worst part of it is my exhusband cheated on me, so I have been on the other side of things. It has gone against every moral fiber I have. But I cannot stop.
It has been the most satisfying sexual experience of my life. The connection was immediate and a strong friendship developed. We say \"I love you\" all the time, but I struggle constantly with all of this. I know how wrong it is, but I cannot control myself. It is like a drug to which we are both addicted. I try to keep my emotions in check, but it has proved to be more difficult than I imagined. He never gives me promises of leaving his wife, but it is hard to hear I love you and not to expect more. It does consume all my free time, and the loneliness is unbearable at times. I have tried to break it off so many times, but I keep going back, telling myself just have fun until you find someone new. Its an emotional rollercoaster which I cannot get off of. I am thankful he has shown me how a man should make love to a woman and he is a great friend. But if I had to do it over again, I would not ever get involved with a mm again. The heartache is too great and the depression is frequent. Not what I wanted at this point in my life. I pray for the strength to break free for good.

I've been in a relationship with a married man for 8 years. For the first 5 of those 8 years, he wasn't married, but decided one day, unbeknownst to me that he was going to marry another woman because I could not carry his child. It crushed my heart, it took me YEARS to be able to deal with the pain BUT I continued on with him - how I did it in hindsight I'll never know but I did. It all finally came to a head today, I cannot deal with being treated like I am less than a human being anymore. I gave that man the best of me and look what I got in return - nothing but lonliness and the worst heartache of my life. My advice to anyone that is presently in this situation is GET OUT while you are still emotionally intact. There is no such thing as emotionless relationships no matter how you stack the cards. It will also never end in your favor. I just now wish I could go back to the week before he got married and push him down a long flight of stairs, spit in his face and scream NO - I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS! If you're not good enough for him - maybe, just maybe, he's really the one that isn't good enough for you.

I to thought that I would never date a married man, although I was married four 13 years seperated for two yrs, then divorced now for 5yrs.I recently met this man,and it was instant attraction, we both could not keep our eyes off each other, we exchanged info and talked so much, that we became friends, we have so much in common its crazy! Our 1st kiss was unbelievable, and the sex was off the hook, he\'s 9 yrs older than me,I\'m 42,he\'s 51, he takes care of me,he has definetly raised the bar for anyone else that may come into my life! I\'m happy, I\'m not expecting anything to come of this,we just enjoy each other when we see each other! I don\'t ask questions, I still have my options open, bottom line is Im single as a dollar bill, and I\'m just doing me,he\'s the best thing in my life right now and a friend that i\'ll always value!

My story is similar to all these except this is the mm's point of view. Here goes... i met her at work and was immediately attracted to her. I got her number and we texted and talked and one day we met outside of work. I was upfront with her and she also told me she had a boyfriend! Anyway I always buy her nice gifts to show her how I feel about her and one thing led to another and we slept together. At first I felt bad and regretted it knowing that my wife was at home but i'm so fed up with not getting "it" that i gave in to temptation. Now I have fallen in love with her and can let her go! She has broken up with me twice before, but being away from each other drives us both crazy and we always somehow get back together! I'm not happy at home and she has shown me what I've been missing! I have some decisions to make because I know its unfair for all concerned but I have decided! I'm going for it!!!

I was running late for the first day of my last semester in college. I burst into what would be my classroom for the next 3 months, there standing infront of the room, conducting class with charm and charisma, was my MM.

It was INSTANT! The whole vibe in the room changed and I became speechless (which is insanely rare for me)

He passed out his business card should we need to \"contact\" him in case of \"emergencies.\"

So I sent flirty text messages and he replied the same. I guess I should mention I was 25 and he was 40.

Flash forward to 2 yrs later and I\'m still INSANELY attracted to him and everytime I\'m with him I get butterflies. When we\'re together, we don\'t realize that anyone else is around. We have amazing sex and I crave his touch. However, I never give up the opportunity to date other guys my age and he knows this. We have a great understanding. We see eachother about once a month and I\'m fine with that, well.....

For the first time today, I find myself physically ill, because I miss him so much. I NEVER tell him I how feel and he would prob be surprised if he knew. I\'m always so \"put together\" when we\'re together. And now I\'ve come to realize, this whole relationship is wrong and the joke\'s on me.

So, a little advice for anyone who thinks getting involved with a married man is harmless.... There\'s a little thing called Karma, it\'s real and when you get yours, remember all the time you stole from his family... I think about it ALL the time....

I agree with some comments, but I think that one must enjoy there lfe to the fullest. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, Therefore we should maximize on every oppurtunity that presents it self to us. No one can make you happy, one can only add to happiness! I\'m dating a MM,and he makes me laugh, I can talk to him about anything, we enjoy each other when we are together, I\'m not looking for him to leave his wife,I\'m just enjoying the ride!

In case you all haven't found it, I have started a forum for The Other Woman. You can find it at http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum

hey ladies, all ur stories have truly helped and its easier to deal with but some days are just so lonely! The worst is not being able to talk to anyone about this cause your close girlfriends throw in the i told u sos and u shoulda knowns and all that and frankly u dont want to tell anyone else about the stupid mess u got urself into. there should be somewhere where we can talk to each other when we're feeling down and out like this...

oh yea, also, what do u do when he openly tells people ur his girlfriend and he declares his love all over the place and this is the best...he expects u to just be his? He doesnt want me dating anyone else, he says it would drive him insane! how do i handle this? i love and adore him but the times without him are so hard and lonely, it owuld be nice to have someone to hang with and maybe take my mind away from things, but i refuse to do it behind his back and i know he doesnt approve, so what do i do?

I checked out that webpage www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum
thanks!

So, my story is a little different than the others. I was engaged to the married man I'm sort of involved with. We have a huge history together and the feelings between us are still very strong after four years. In the last two years time, he got his girlfriend pregnant, then married her because he was going to be deployed by the Army and wanted her to be completely covered while he was overseas.

Three months after they were married, he knew he made a huge mistake, and seven months after the courtroom marriage, we were talking again. His one year anniversary just passed in April and he still uses every excuse to be away from home. He gets his orders extended (he\'s active duty), he even got a second job just so he doesn\'t have to go home. The only reason he goes to the house is to spend time with his daughter. We haven\'t seen each other yet, but we speak all of the time and when we do I know in my heart I still love him. He\'s told me that he still loves me and that I have always been the only one he ever wanted.

I don\'t know how to deal with this situation, I honestly feel like someone else is married to my husband! Like she was a substitute for what we should have been. I asked him why he did it and he told me that he honestly never thought I\'d come back into his life, so he tried to just do the right thing for his baby. What now???

i've been dating a married man for 4 months now and i have to say i've never been more happy...or more miserable....he makes me feel so good about myself, always telling me how beautiful i am, how he doesn't deserve someone as special as me, asking me why i never turn my back on him....and then he goes home and i cry myself to sleep knowing that the whole thing is just silly. two full grown adults acting like children...so is it wrong? iidk. is right? idk that either all i know is that whenever we are together i feel so loved and isn't that what every woman wants?

I have been involved with a mm for 6 yrs. On and off. He eventually did leave w for me but went back out of guilt. It is emotionally draining, frustrating and I am pretty much giving up but just need my heart to agree. If you can avoid getting involved with a mm I strongly advise againt it. They hurt you and don't even know they do it. They have their home lives and they are so good at lying that they will give you any excuse in the world to not find time for you. Let them live their lives of hell, which is the ones they created. They can't step up to the plate and deal with the bad marriages then they should be the ones alone not us. The ones being hurt.

Have been with him for 9 months, had a 2yrs and 3 month old... We met at work, i was the new girl. I am still waiting... i love him and cry when he leaves on our "regular" friday night meetings and the odd "see you in the office" moment. There is 15 yrs difference in our age, it donest bother me. I am still "waiting" for the commitment... i get the most amazing best sex ive ever had... but is that it??? lonely holidays, coming 2nd, 3rd, 4th in priority... i deserve the best and should be treated that way. Dont us woman deserve more or do we just ultimately believe what we choose and want to beleive?my guess is as good as yours....

Its nice to know I\'m not alone. If you can look in the mirror and realize that you are 2nd, then enjoy yourself..Sadly us women, end up falling in love and getting hurt...So if you can ladies, RUN NOW!! the heart break isnt worth it...I rather be lonely then in love with someone who is married! RUN before its too late...I think we women have read too many fairy tales and think we will have a happily ever after..But the truth is less then 5% of marriages that were a result of an affair end up working out..So the odds are against us ladies...WALK away...if he wants to be with you, he will handle his business and fight for you...yes u will cry and hurt...but better noe then 11 years later like some women on here..RUN!

I just want to share my story. Almost a month and a half ago an old friend from high school found me. At first we were just talking on the phone about old times and what was going on now. I'm in the process of a divorce and was still living at my husband's house at the time. We met up one day at the store and when we were getting ready to leave he kissed me. That was all it took. 3 days later we had fallen for each other. He is married and has 2 step daughters. After we met he told his wife he was thinking about getting a divorce. We went out of town together to see my mom last weekend and when we got back he forgot to clear his phone so then his wife found my text messages. So he told her everything. Now he is staying with me in my apartment... I love him so much and am so afraid he's going to decide to go back. But I'm trying to be patient and let him do what he wants to do.

I am in love with a married man. He is my best friend and we have everything in common. I love being with him and enjoy his company and he is everything I have ever dreamed of and have never felt as happy as I feel when we are together.

But - he is married. What do you do? It is the most heart breaking situation to be in. I know this will never change. That he will never leave his wife. But what do you do when you know that this is your soul mate?

Although we try to make the most of the little time we get together, the rest of my life is being wasted by constantly thinking about the 'if only' side of life. He has given me so much, for which I am grateful, but in a way, wish we hadn't crossed the line.

I love him so deeply but have to face reality and hope that a single guy passes my way, who I can love just as much as my married man.

I have been dating a married man for almost three years now and yes it's been work. Never done it before, didn't plan on doing it, but the connection between us is intense. The sex is full lof passion and we are still going strong.

No I don't get holidays, well on the actual day anyway, but we do pick our days to celebrate. Birthdays are the same, we are always together for mine and as close to his as we can get. It's not a "traditional" relationship and yet we are in love. We both know it and we both know the boundries of that love. I accept them and so does he.

I am always aware that most likely I am not the only other women, yet is is advid I am. However I know that I can walk away at any time. And every so often I give myself the "am I okay with this?" talk. If I am, I continue the relationship, if I am not, I walk away and begin the process of ending and new beginnings.

But the truth is, for now, I like the way things are. I do not concentrate on where he is when his is not with me. I simply enjoy the time we share when he is with me. I do not go out of my way to be available for him, thus leaving him to the same delima of thoughgts. Usually bringing him to me everytime.

Just as I must understand that he legally belongs to another, he must understand that I don't. And if one day, someone should want more of me and be able to offer more to me, he may be at the greater loss.

But honestly, (wierd term I know), we are great friends, and I know that if I were in trouble, pain, or dismay, he would be there in a heartbeat. We know each other, we share each other and niether of us is "legally" required to do so. To expect anything more than that is emotional blackmail and certain daily heartache.

I went out with a married man (an airline pilot), I didn't think it was cheating because there were many of us together. He kissed me on the dance floor and that how our affair began. At the same time, I broke my boyfriend\'s heart when he found out about it a few months later. (My boyfriend still loves me but he's very hurt, he has been my best friend and very supportive regarding this problem)
The sad truth about this is I still in love with that married man and can\'t wait to be with him again on our layover. He writes sweet emails to me and tells me that he cares about me. I\'m not sure what to do.....please help...

Just don\'t do it. If you see it coming... My situation happened so fast I knew I loved him the day I met him again another story of it happened at work, I had worked for my company for about 2 weeks and he came into our office, looked me dead in the eyes and we were done, he started to work with my company a month after that and the first day he was in the office he came into my office and asked me out at this time I knew he was married but not happy because I had heard him talk to my sales team a few times about it. I went out with him that afternoon after work and I have been in a relationship with him ever since this is 2 and a half years later. I wish that I could walk away, I feel like I live an out of body experience every day of my life. Waiting for him to call, text or email me. We no longer work together and we live in different states now because of work. But through this we still keep our relationship going. He tells me he loves me and that we will be together soon, I just keep waiting for soon to get here because it is so hard to deal with this situation. I would not want anyone to feel the pain that I feel over my relationship. I wish I didn\'t love him every day and that I could meet someone that would make me his number one and that I would not have to spend the holidays alone wishing I was with him and wondering what he is doing, seeing fireworks with his wife and I am seeing them alone or not at all because I don\'t have anyone to see them with. This is not the kind of life anyone wants to live, I know a lot of people look at people like us in a very negative way, believe me we did not ask for this nobody would willing want to be in a relationship like this with someone they love whole heartedly that they can\'t have. Believe me I wish every day that I wasn\'t so in love with my man because maybe then I could live a normal life...

Forget the married pilot!!!! No matter what he's written to you, it's all lies. You're lucky to have a boyfriend who still loves you, face some reality and imagine your life WITHOUT your boyfriend because you're still in love with that jerk. On your layover, don't do anything that can get you together with that man again, or anyone else!!!!

I am 24 years old and have always been attracted to older married men. There is this very handsome 45 year old guy that works in the IT department who has been recently flirting with me, sending me instant messages every day through my work email and has taking me to lunch and starbucks several times which he has paid for. These meet ups have all been during work hours but now he is suggesting we go out after work to a movie or have dinner. I have tried to make something up to not go because I guess I am a little scared since I never been with a married or an older guy. The weird thing is that he has never mentioned anything about his personal life nor do I want to ask.....I guess for the time being I am just enjoying his company and the fact that he is treating me to lunch. Deep down I don\'t think that I would ever accept sleeping with him...but it doesn\'t hurt to flirt.

To "Curious" and "the other woman", Curious, it's not too late for you to turn down future pain and suffering, he's not supposed to do such thing as having lunch, or movie with a you. He's married!!! Forget about him and stay with guys who aren't taken, or someone who's your age. And "the other woman", if you spend any time thinking or trying to get together with that married pilot again, your future with your boyfriend will end. Don't even think that you can get away with doing things like that!!!!! You are lucky to have someone who loves you enough to forgive you and still with you, want to be alone, go for the married pilot and have your heart broken because he will surely cheat on you (with other girls), next thing you know, your boyfriend will walk...

I am another fool who dated a married pilot, he's handsome and told me how much he cared for me. I was stupid not to listen to my friends who told me "if he cheats on his wife, he'll cheat on you!!!" Next thing I knew, he was cheating on me with another flight attendant!!!!! I found out because the girl showed me photos of them on the beach!!!! He swears that nothing happened between them but it didn't seem that way, because she called him "my boyfriend"...

"another one" is right!!! I learned my lesson, it's not the outside that counts, because we usually turn off our brains when some good looking guys flirt with us. If a man is willing to cheat behind his wife or girlfriend's back, what do you think he will do behind your back? (Think about this, if he's a good looking fellow, what's the chance that he has no girlfriend or wife?) If you meet someone who flirts with you, if he's married (and you're not), walk on. But if you're married or already have a BF, KEEP THAT IN MIND, why be friendly with that man who only wants to use your body and brake your heart when it's all over?

My married man boyfriend has told me that he is leaving his wife by the end of the month and promises me that we will finally be together. He started his vacation today and has been telling me that he wants to take his children on a vacation, I am great with that however he is taking his wife with him because he doesn't feel that he can handle a few days a way with his kids because they are so young 2 and 7. I left my ex when my children were two and 7 and they survived it was tough on them and on him because everyone had to adjust. Am I being a complete fool to sit back on this one. They are going for 4 days. I am sick to my stomach and too the point where I don't know where I stand in his life even when he tells me that I am his world and he loves me. He promises he is leaving. After two years and many tears what do you do?? I wish I could walk away sometimes but I love him so much he is my true love, my soulmate and I want to spend my life with him but I can't handle the pain and the thought of them on a family vacation just feels like a knife in my heart...

I'm the stupid girl that got pregnant to the MM. I believed all of his lies, and now I'm so hurt. Expecting a girl in 1 month.

I have read the previous posts, and my situation is similar but so very different. My MM and I have been friends since we were 14 years old...we are both now 44. When we were teenagers, he was dating my best friend, and I was dating his best friend....but neither one of us knew how crazy we were about eachother back then until recently. When we were 16 he moved from one side of the country to the other but we always kept in touch with eachother. Then 20 years ago, I relocated to the same state he lives in ...purely by coincidence and he and I ended up having a very intimate night shortly after I relocated. I didn\'t sleep with him, and yes, he was married only a few years at that time. I ended up getting married a year later, and moved out of state again. We kept in touch over the years as we always have.

So now fast forward 20 years....

I recently became divorced,(I was the one who was cheated on) and I relocated back to the state where my MM lives, where my family lives, and where we had our intimate night all those years ago. He met my best friend and I for drinks one night about a month ago ..stayed a very short time..but before he left he kissed me very passionately. We have seen and/or talked to eachother every day in the past 3 weeks, and have been very intimate with eachother again. He revealed to me how much he remembers about that night 20 years ago, and how he always felt about me. My feelings haven\'t changed for him either....and they continue to grow. We are still very crazy about eachother. I haven\'t slept with him, but he told me today he wants to...the timing was bad, and I just am also scared to death to let it go that far, so it didn\'t happen. He is still married to the same girl that he was married to when we had our first intimate encounter all those years ago, and has never cheated on her...except for that intimate night with me 20 years ago.

I\'ve known my MM for 30 years and just don\'t know what to do. I don\'t want to ruin our friendship, or his marriage, and I\'m having issues with myself considering my ex-husbands cheating ruined our marriage. I\'ve never gone out with a MM before...nor would I with any other MM. I guess it\'s just cuz I have know him for so many years...and am beginning to fall in love with him, and want to spend more and more time with him...just as he does with me. Just don\'t know where this is all leading....Any suggestions?`

im dateing a man from another country he is married i love him and wont to marry him what do i do

Well ...after 27 years of devoted love and uprooting ever few years to support my husband in his career I have found out about his affair with a woman 17 years younger than I who also pleaded with him to have his children ...this is beyond words to describe the devastation this has caused...I have been a seriousl devoted christian woman ...seeking and researching the word ...without a denomination nor fellowship all the time ,,homeschooled our children which is why throughtout this I was not suspicious and he did a good job of conveying how he was hard at work in his management job ...high profile and lots to do ...SO to find out that all the time he DID have free that WE thought was so hard to have with us .>>HE SPENT it with HER!

We are all hurt and amazed at the shameless woman who approached him during a transfer and KNEW us even after we arrived to join him and proceeded to move along with our family ...shadowing us as we moved several times...she finally wanted his children ...even though he told her from the beginning he WOULD NOT LEAVE us and she never asked him to ...when she got pregnant she quit her job and he bought her a house...and a new Lexus...and then she wanted ANOTHER child which he resisted ...but she told him she \"did not want the first one to be an only child\"....over that following 8 years she received over one million dollars while my husband moved us into a small home...without AC ...and sold some other things of ours so he could provide for her....

Now do YOU really want a man who would DO that? ,...when I found out quite by accident ...finding photos of the children and nearly having a stroke!

He is sorry ...wishes he had not gone that routh and has reexamined all the \"reasons\" he had...all of which were from HIS not opening up to me and deliberately maintaining a private SELF ...not the way marriage will satisfy a man ...SO all of his lack was his OWN doing and he sees it now ...but he insists he must pay her twice the support required by law for the \"children \" ....there is alot that is wrong with this ..but let me just say ....

PLEASE think ...would YOU want to be the one that has to live knowing that a man\'s children have to go through life wondering HOW they will ever be able to trust a man ...they love the Lord ..but their father has been a GREAT ACTOR ...displaying every good attribute a man could possible have ...none of his workers, extended family or friends know...

I am trying not to destroy our family further ..but my daughers and sons are going to have a long time dealing with this reality ...I have been trying to get him to understand the depth of this for over a year as he wants to stay married ...keep our life together ...NOT see her but he feels he must take care of all of them ...this is very hard to deal with ..The other woman DID NOT WANT him for marriage...she set him up by his guilt and emotion to PAY for her lifestyle...and she has not suffered in any of that area....now into her THIRD HOUSE at our expense,..and we had to sell something that was to be for our children ...

SHE had prior to her pregnancy researched HOW to be a \"single parent by choice\"...I feel she does dishonor to all the women who have saved and continued to work to be single mothers BY CHOICE as she seems to feel she is being but she has had plastic surgery , botox and many other \'treats\' at my families expense while we spend our efforts to help make ends meet ...

Is this some kind of emotional blackmail...my husband has not had any contact with her since last AUG ...and he has spend all of his time with me when not at work ,..all of his emails and phones are open to me as are our finances....

She has not tried to contact him...and when he called her to tell her that their 15 year affair was over except for child support her first concern was for her HOUSE>....

Love? hardly.....

ladies,
ive dated two married men in my life its some of the strongest love ive ever felt aside from lovin my son. These married men at the time you meet them may actually be thinkin to leave their marriage but after we come along and comfort them make love to them make them laugh weve taken away all the pain allowing them to heal what ever problem they originally had now he\'s stuck with two women which he may genuinly love now ask yourself(you have two hairdressers which one do you stay with the new one or the old one)their mothers may talk to them and say would you have wanted your father to do that to me , what i\'m trying to say is they have a whole net work of people non of which know you so they will side up with the wife. ive been with my married man for 7 years its just gotton worse over time he does\'nt even spend my birthday with me any more i\'m deeply in love and trying to come up with a master plan to win him over but notice how i said seven years his wife and i have had arguments i\'ve lost a job because of her but she wont leave even though she knows he spends nights weekends even weeks sometime he says he needs more money he changes his mind alot now he is going to be 40 and going through a midlife crisis more trouble my therory they probably do love you but they were seeking love else where because they are unable to commit and my therapist says that im afraid of committment thats why i stay with him if he was mister right why does it feel so wrong... love doesnt hurt ...if you let something go if it comes back to you its yours if it doesnt it wasnt meant to be...i know your probably saying if you know all this then why havent you left yet, ill tell you im stuck and tryin to break AWAY ITS VERY HARD FOR ME BUT IF ME SHARING MY DEEPEST SECRETS WITH YOU GUYS CAN SAVE YOU SOME HEART ACHE MAYBE GOD CAN FORGIVE SOME OF THE BAD STUFF IVE DONE

well, ladies let me join the bandwagon...I started seeing this Married but separted man (alledgedly) about 3 mos. ago. He lives in PA, and i live in NY. We have good chemistry and i like him alot. He told me he\'s been with his wife for 17yrs, and he\'s just not happy anymore, so he finally left (alledgedly). anyway, he drives buses for a living. this weekend he invited to come out to philly, to spend time. so, I went and we got a hotel. so, i asked him what was up with the hotel, and not his house? he says oh, well she (wife) comes over sometime to my place to watch the kids being he\'s on the road. So, im like she has the keys huh...uh huh. He\'s says yeah because im not there. so,iv\'e always felt in the back of my head this whole separation crap was a lie, because we usually wouldnt talk in the night, unless he had a driving gig, out of state where he stayed away from home. while, he was showing ,me a round PA, his cell phone rang, and it was wife, ask him where he was..he quickly hopped out the car to talk, and said im @ work... (unbelievable) then he stepped about 10ft from the car to talk. when he got back in , i said is everything ok, he said yeah, its just that this job of mine calls the first number, on there list. So, i said oh so they called your house, and your wife evidently though you were at work? he says yes cause shes there watching the kids...(bull) of course she\'s there because she lives there....Im am thinking about cutting all ties with this man because, i can see that the more i keep in contact with him, the more emotionally involved i will become. To top it off, he has two girls with his wife, and his wife has 2 boys out side of them that he fathers as well...I am 25 and he is 34. Should I leave this relationship now? Iv\'e broken up with him 2 times before, and made up with him again. I feel like im playing myself right now...any feedback

I am currently in a relationship with a married man. It's not a good relationship. We have been dating and having sex for a year. His son was also born a year ago. He and I also work together. It is very hard on me and very hard to end it. We work very closely together and spend nearly all of our time together. He is a great guy and I would like to find someone like him in the future (minus the wife). Im trying to be strong and get out of this relationship but it is very very hard. He has no plans to leave his wife and I know this can only end badly. My advice to all women out there...dont get involved with a married man...it's too complicated and only hurts your heart. Plenty of single men out there...go out and get one! Im going to!

I've been with my mm about a year or so and let me say that I have never felt so happy in my entire life! He shows me such a great time that I don't think anyone else can compare to him! At the same time I have never felt so lonely!!! I wish I can be with him constantly and he is all i think of!!! I know this sounds like obsession but its love!!! The most difficult thing I have ever done is trying to break up with him!!! Things didn't go well at all and now I miss him like crazy!!!

I love my married man. I will be by his side no matter what...

I have started a forum for The Other Woman. You can find it at http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum

Hi everyone. I didn\'t realize there were so many other women struggling with this problem also. Here\'s the short version of my story. In 2006 my mother who I was extremely close to (like sisters) was diagnosed with an end-stage cancer which was absolutely devastaing. Fast forward to Aug of 2007 her cancer got worse and she was forced to have a feeding tube placed in her stomach along with another tube due to complications. As her priamry care taker I met and dealt with her team of doctors and one of in particular I formed a close relationship with (did I say he was the married one). At the time I was single and so was my mom and the entire situation was overwhelming at times for us. I had help from two siblings but because they were married with their own families the majority of the work fell on me. Fortunately, the married doctor was there for us during the entire progression of my moms illness. I could call him anytime day or night when I had problems with her feeding tubes or when her home nurses needed help at night. He would come to the house every evening to sit with my mom and to make sure she was comfortable as possible during her last few months. He would also sit with me and answer questions I had about what she would be like when the disease progressed even further. He would bring gifts, ice-cream and most of all a listening ear to her and me. During the entire ordeal somehow I fell for him and felt as if he had fallen for me also but we never said a word about it or crossed any lines. It was like he had become a rock for me during the worst time of my life and I was very appreciative of how he went above and beyond his duty as her doctor. My mom passed away on Dec 9, 2007 and her married doctor was there for me again, helping with funeral arrangements and being a good friend to my entire family. After her funeral he continued to be there for me and somehow our relationship went from friends to lovers and we have never had a day since the day my mom passed that we havent communicated. As a doctor who is on call a lot he is very busy but manages to spend most his free time with me or with his son. I had never even considered dating a married man either but somehow it just happened. Now 6 months later I am where most of us are tired, frustrated and hurting because I am with a man that goes home (be it 3 am) every other morning to his wife and child. We have tried to end it but we always, always get back together. Some may think he took advantage of me during a vulnerable time in my life but he never did anything I didnt want him to do. I dont want to continue on this road but I cant seem to let go. What do you guys think?

I think my situation is a little more complicated, only because I was married when I met my unmarried Airman (at that time) 5 yrs ago. My husband introduced us and we always had feelings but never acted on them. I loved my husband of 16yrs very much. Never would have cheated on him, but the fantasy of Airman made it interesting in bed.

My Husband recently died and Airman has been there for me like my best friend. I have my ups and downs and he always finds that special something that makes me laugh. He and I still have that attraction and more now than ever I must say. He came out here to see me (He is from FL and I am in CA) and sparks flew like crazy! Needless to say we became very intimate in his time he spent with me. And did I mention he has been married for 2.5 yrs?

He tells me that he would love to be with me always. I am such a "breath of fresh air" in his world of pessimism. I love being with him and I love talking to him. He tells me the relationship with his wife is at an end and he needs to know that he did everything he could to save it before he moves on. That he couldn't live with himself knowing that he did something to devastate her. They are now on a two week traveling mission and they are a week in to it and I am going nuts!!

I have now asked him to confess his true feelings for me. Either he wants me and I wait, or he doesn't and I will move on. I like the first choice.

Ive been seeing a married man for 6 years now. Yeah, count 'em, SIX years. Six very lonely years and now Im so far into a depression I dont know if I will ever get out of it. I love him, I really do & Im IN love with him. He always says the right things and knows just how to keep me hanging on. He was a dream come true for me and now it has turned into a nightmare. His youngest child is 17 soon to be 18...should I wait until then to see if he's really going to walk away & be with me? Deep down in my heart I dont think he ever will. Whenever I have given him an ultimatium he always says he loves me and that Im his best friend and that he wont let me go...but he's not doing anything to keep me either.
My advice ladies is....DONT!! Ive been going through this far too long to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I\'ve been dating my married man on and off for three years now.At first it was about sex and nothing more.he explained to me that after his wife had kids she lost for sex drive.Which all women knows is something tha