You had an affair and your partner found out. You realize that you have made a mistake, you love your partner and will do anything to regain their trust so you will be able to have that loving relationship that the two of your once shared.
Your partner has agreed to stay with you or to continue having a relationship with you, but they are very guarded and he or she is having a lot of trouble forgiving you as well as having a lot of trouble trusting you.
You try to show your partner how much you love him or her and prove that you are now trustworthy, but nothing seems to help heal the damage that has been done.
The reality is trust is one of the hardest things to be regained in a relationship, but with patience and honest dedication, it is possible for your partner to trust you again.
The following are 4 important steps to help you get on your way to having that loving and open relationship that you once had with your partner:
Time and Patience Are Your Friends:
The reality is loss of trust is hard to recover from and a person cannot just be forced to forget it or get over it. Therefore, the best thing you can do, along with the other steps that we will discuss is to be patient, let your partner have his or her space and let time do its job. Apologize:
Apologize to your partner for losing his or her trust. When a person has cheated on their partner, they often focus on apologizing for having the affair, but they do not always apologize for losing their partner's trust. Apologizing will indicate to your partner that you understand that the affair was serious enough for him or her to lose trust in you. Tell Your Partner That You Understand the Consequences of Your Behavior:
Telling your partner that you understand the consequences of what you did will assure him or her that you would think twice before ever doing something like that again. It will also assure your partner that you understand cause and effect and that you are taking responsibility for your decisions and actions. Tell Your Partner That You Are Concerned About How He or She Feels:
The number one way to help someone in their healing process is to be able to empathize and validate how they feel. If your partner feels understood and emotionally validated he or she will let go of the need to drill it into you about how hurt he or she is as well as feel assured that you know what he or she is going through. Your partner will be able to release trying to explain how what you have done has affected him or her and will be able to start to forgive you and being open to trusting you again.
The Following is a Script to Say to Your Partner:
- First Say: I am sincerely concerned about how you feel and what you have experienced.
- Next say: It must have been hurtful and disappointing (or which ever you feel is the right description) for you that I betrayed your trust.
- Then say: I understand the extent of the damage I have caused to you and the relationship including that you can no longer trust me and are hesitant to open yourself up emotionally to me.
- Lastly, say: I would like to make an agreement with you that I will never cheat on you again. I understand that this is a deal breaker for you and if I do this action again you have the right the break off the relationship.
A deal breaker is any requirement in a relationship that is so important that if the other partner doesn't align with it, the relationship would be over.
People do make mistakes and if you are sincere, patient and do whatever it takes to regain your partner's trust, your new choices and behaviors will go a long way towards your partner being able to forgive you and trust you once again.
