We are born and raised in a society where it is the norm to move out of home, fend for ourselves, earn our own money, have children and – and not necessarily in this order – find the perfect partner. It is expected of us that by our late teens (if not earlier) we pay an interest in the opposite sex and start gaining our experience of dating and relationships. For the next several years that follow, it continues to be expected of us to continue in this way of life with a view to settling down, declaring our love and commitment for one special person, and finally getting married. My question: Why is it so socially unacceptable for us to remain single and happy?
Whether it is due to a violation of trust, unforeseen circumstances or just growing apart, relationships break down. Love is often given and then taken away again and with that, lessons are learned. It is a fact that more relationships fail than succeed – and the same applies in marriages. And as the break-up process can be heartbreaking, shattering and incredibly painful, why is it expected that we continue to put ourselves in the firing line time and time again?
Those of us who are – or who ever remember being – a citizen of Single City know how difficult it can be, but the difficulties don’t come from actually being single – they come from other people assuming you yourself have a problem being single. For example, each and every one of us has been on the receiving end of the sympathetic smiles or shoulder squeezes or even the reassuring whispers in our ears that go along the lines of, “You’ll be fine, you’ll meet someone” or, “He’s around the corner, don’t worry”. Who do they mean is around the corner? The One. And why do they not even consider for a moment that maybe we are completely fine on our own and that we’re not actually worried? Being single does not automatically mean that we are desperate, depressed or deprived. It only means we are spending time as an individual, exactly as we did from the moment we were born, and spending time in this way is the most natural way to be. Being single means we do not have to fit around another human being; we can just be. And surely, as we face leaving this world alone, anything other than being on our own – any close relationships and love – which we may encounter during our lifetime, is only a bonus and should be treated as such? Bonuses are never guaranteed but should be enjoyed and basked in while they are there. Bonuses should never be expected or accepted as a given.
Of course, this is not to say that being in a relationship is not a good thing. A relationship with its mutual care, support, love and trust can be incredibly rewarding. It can make you feel alive and special that somebody else is choosing to spend their time with you. But, at the same time, spending quality time with yourself, knowing yourself inside out and putting yourself first and never having to answer to anyone but yourself is also rewarding and an equally special experience. We may sometimes feel loneliness or the want for affection and adult interaction but, however much we sugar-coat the experience of relationships, quite often they themselves are without affection and quite possibly full to bursting with loneliness. And, really, isn’t it so much better to be alone and feel lonely than be in a relationship and feel alone?
I write on behalf of those who are currently in that very busy city of Single, regardless of whether we want to be, choose to be, or whether we are soon planning to leave. I write with the knowledge that it can be just as rewarding and just as enjoyable to be a one and not a two, an ‘I’ and not a ‘we’. I write knowing that my heart is safe and will be vulnerable only when I decide it’s time to take the risk. I write with the bold statement that it is perfectly okay to be happy and single. Because it is true, after all, that a single red rose can be more striking than a dozen and a piano solo can be more breathtaking than an orchestra.
