Woman can talk and talk all day long. We could hold World Records in useless speaking. It is in a Woman's Nature to speak, as much as possible and as often as possible. For that Reason, Words like: “I love you”, “I am sorry”, “I miss you” are easy for us to say.
Men on the other hand can talk with their buddies about Work, Sports, Hobbies and Woman, but when it comes to emotions and feelings, they shut down. This has cost many problems in Relationships. Women are mushy, Men are logical. Woman are emotional, Man are stoic. Does that mean they don't feel anything? No, not at all! They just don't find the need to express it in words all day long. In this Article, I would like to address the different Reasons why Men don't “talk at us” the way we do and the Reason Woman “don't know what we should already know”. Give you examples on what works for my wonderful Husband and me in overcoming those annoying differences, plus give you different ways you can see loudly how he says “I love you!”
Men: “I have worked all day, all I want is a little Peace and Quiet!”
Most Men work hard all day long, they solve problems, deal with opposition, have to listen to People talk constantly into them and in some cases physically labor until exhaustion. At the end of such a day, the last thing that most men want is to go home to more “chores”, complaints, requests and talking. All he wants is to sit back for a little while and go into his personal “cave”, his private space. He wants time to unwind, to kick back and relax and do something he wants to do. Become his own Boss again and simply put have a little bit of Peace and Quiet.
Women: “I have worked all day; I want to tell you all about it!”
Where Men rewind by taking some time out and just be alone for a little while, Woman rewind by, you guessed it, talking about their day. If something stressful has happened, she is busting at the seams to talk about it to her husband. By getting it out of her System so to speak, she reconnects with her spouse and eases the Burden of the day off her shoulders.
This is what works for us:
We have worked very hard at getting our Work schedules to match each others. So my husband picks me up after work and we drive home together. During our Ride home I can usually see what kind of day my Husband has had. Normally he tells me about his Work day, either aggravating (in which case I know he needs to be left alone when we get home), something funny or just chit chat. If he doesn't talk at all about it or is completely quiet, I know his day has been horrible. The last thing he needs it my flapping jaws. If I feel that there is something I need to share, I put it in then. If the day was so bad that all I want to do is hide, normally I get completely quiet. I stare out of the window of the car and just try to find my-self again. I have learned that if I speak during that time, I become waspish and my voice is not at all becoming of my place in his life.
We have a ritual at home. When we get home, either our Daughter (16) or I make coffee, then I take my husbands shoes off and put his slippers on. I make his cup of coffee and bring it to him and my daughter makes my cup for me. I know that he does not like me climbing all over him when he first comes home, but if I had a horrible day, I tell him. “I know you want to be left alone and are busy, but I really need a hug right now.” Normally, he is nice and lays down on the bed, turns on the TV and I get to cuddle for a little while. If I need to talk I can, but normally if I have his arms around me, I no longer need to vent. I just needed to feel safe again.
If it was just another day, he goes off to do whatever he does and I go to take care of the household with my daughter, go grocery shopping or take care of my interests. That is the time when our daughter and I have sharing time as well. We share in each others day, problems, failures and successes. Until Dinnertime, he is off limits to me unless he wants my attention. If I really need to ask him something, I do but in that case I try to have a 30 sec. to 1 minute rule for my-self. It can not take longer then that time frame to interrupt him.
