As you can see a lot of convoluted female thinking. On the other hand, he couldn't look at anything without me walking off and buying it for him or trying like crazy to get it for him later, if I didn't have the money in my hand. So we ended up with a lot of stuff he really didn't want, me wasting a lot of money on things which were thrown into a corner or put away or I ended up not getting a lot of things I wanted and feeling hurt.
Now we each have adapted to the other. If there is something I see him looking at, I ask first: “Do you want this?” or wait to see if he picks it up to buy it. He also has list of PC Games he wants, or Movies we both want etc. He tells me about things he might like and any of those things I know are great. Then I can go and buy him something, just because. Which is something I love to do. I enjoy spoiling my Husband rotten.
If there is anything I really want, I now either pick it up and put it under his nose: “I really want this!” If we can afford it he will tell me: “Then get it”. Or he tells me: “If you want something you better get it while I have the money.” Then I know it is ok.
I used to be so hurt when I wouldn't get flowers from him, now if I want flowers, I go buy them my-self or put them in his hands, with a big grin and a thank you. We both can stop guessing now and we both get what we want. Yes, I know I can just buy it my-self if I want something, but it just isn't the same. It means more to me coming from him.
Men: “I have a problem! I will deal with it!”
When a man has a problem, he will normally go into himself to deal with it. If it is something that can not be fixed, it is normally ignored and pushed out of mind. If it is something that has a solution, he will work on it until the problem is solved. No peace of mind until a solution is found. Most of the time, men aren't good at taking suggestions. They take it as an intrusion. The same way, most men don't worry about something until it is at hand. If it hasn't happened yet, why worry. It may never happen.
Men seem to deal better with big bulky problems then with small annoyances. An inconvenience or a small hassle can ruin an entire day for some man, where a problem is nothing at all. “Don't worry Hun, I got it covered!”
Woman: “I have a problem! I need to talk about it!”
Where a man can fix a problem best while silently working away at its edges, a woman finds her solution during talking it out. It is almost as if it is a puzzle and during each word she speaks, another puzzle piece falls into place. That is why most of us just need you to listen to us, not to solve the problem for us. Often enough we are looking for validation from you. To validate that we have a right to feel the way we do about that problem. Then we can go on armed with your validation and solve the problem or disregard it. Women tend to worry about things that haven't even happened yet. We are big worriers.
This is what works for us:
The problems are his department, I hand them over to him. Not my job, you deal with it. The inconveniences are mine. I will take care of them. They don't bother me that much. He has better things to do. If it is something large enough that affects the entire family, we work on it together, with him having the final say.
Men: “Why doesn't she use her common sense? Those are stupid questions.”
In a mens eye, everything is about common sense. All you have to do is look and there it is. It is plain obvious. If it doesn't match their common sense (which by the way changes from male to male), then it is obviously stupid or no good. When a woman asks about something that could be answered just by using their “common sense” then the question is automatically stupid. After all the answer is almost staring at them. Example given above: “I am still with her that should tell her that I love her.”
Women: “Why doesn't he have more common courtesy, doesn't he see it hurts me?”
