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It is important to the married couples to keep a sexual life after the marriage years. Friendship and Complicity are very important things that the married couples achieved after the years together, but that's not enough.
In “Sexual Life in Marriage: How to Keep this Fire Burning 1” I explained about the importance for the married couple and the family to maintain a sexual life even after so many years. In this article, I intend to guide the reader through it, topic by topic. So… let's start.
Talk About Sex
In “Keeping your Marriage Alive” I explained about the importance for the married to couple to be able to talk about anything, and sex is not an exception. The married couple must be able to talk about any sexual topic without feeling any discomfort. If you're married and happen to feel uncomfortable talking about sex with your spouse, you must introduce the subject and talk about it to the point of exhaustion. Talk about sex until the moment there is no discomfort anymore. That will open a new channel of communication between the married couple and once sex is not a Taboo topic, the spouses can go to the next step.
Talk About Your Sexual Life
Many married couples let sex to be a part in their lives only when they are actually performing it. They don't discuss their sexual activity before or after that (well…maybe sometimes, just to point that there is no sex happening). When a married couple doesn't talk about their sexual life, the spouses must guess what each other likes and dislikes. If a couple doesn't talk about their sexual life, they can perform badly on bed for years and don't even get a clue about it. So… if you are not used to talk about your sexual activities with your spouse, you must start now. Before the sex, even afraid of ruining the mood, the spouse must tell the other what is he/she going to do and encourage the other spouse to do the same. After the sex, the spouses must talk about how it was, what was good, what was bad and what could be better. The married couple must do it always and after sometime, the sexual life conversation won't be uncomfortable anymore; in fact, it will be part of the pleasure and a mood builder. Believe me on that.
After the married couple feels completely comfortable to talk about their sexual life, it is time to move to the next step.
Be Courageous, and Speak Up What You Really Like
Part of the frustration in bed comes from the fact that the couples feel embarrassed to introduce or talk about their sexual fantasies and fetishes. When embarrassed to talk about a particular sexual fetish, the spouse and the married couple must have one thing in mind: that is the only person you will have sex for your entire life, and if you don't get sexual pleasure with him/her, you won't get sexual pleasure at all in the entire life.
So… revealing fantasies can be really embarrassing and maybe it is a step bigger than the couple can achieve alone. That's when the married couple must use the following technique.
During a certain period of time accorded between the married couple, they will get as much adult material as they can and agree to try one new thing everyday. That's right. One new sexual adventure every single day. To make this commitment as a couple and placing part of the responsibility in the adult material will release the system's anxiety. The spouses must try all the things, even the ones they think they don't like. After some days doing things they enjoy, things they don't and discovering things they didn't know they liked, the married couple will feel more comfortable to speak up the desires.
Well… As a Psychologist, that's the best advice I think I can give to the married couple. If you pay attention, the three steps were based in communication, and that's the key not only to a better sexual life, but also a better marriage.
