Sexual Life in Marriage: How to Keep the Fire Burning 1

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After so many years married, the kids, the worries and the time together, the sexual desire slowly fades away. Is it really important to have a sexual life after so many years of marriage?

As a Psychologist I worked with couples during four years, and I must say that the answer to this question is “Yes”. It is important to the married couples to keep a sexual life after so many years of marriage. Friendship and Complicity are very important things that the married couples achieved after the years together, but usually, that's not enough.

My desire with that article is to improve the married life, and improve the family life as a consequence. I split this article in two parts; the first one explains how important for the family is to the married couple to keep a sexual life. The second part explains how to do it.

After so many years, the sexual life works as measurement device to the marriage quality. The best the sex, the best is the marriage. The opposite is also true: the worse the sex, the worse the marriage. I'm not saying that sex is what really keeps the marriage alive; what I'm really saying is that the sex shows how the intimacy of the married couple works, and that intimacy certainly is a pillar of the relationship. It shows to the psychotherapist the availability of the communications lines between the married couple.

A sexual life for the married brings tons of benefits to the couple, and I will point just some of them here:

1. The growth of the lost intimacy; after many years worried about the career and the kids, the married couple grows apart, and although the friendship level usually rises, it is not uncommon for intimacy to diminish.
2. The growth of that intimacy through the sexual life will bring new happiness and joy to the married couple. The spouses will regain that joy they had when they were only dating, that happiness of only being in the other's presence, and the whole family system, including the children, will notice that. When the married couple is happy, the whole family tends to become happy. The children will find more enjoyable to stay with the parents, and the bond among the family members will increase. Children respond directly to their family environment, and happy and united parents mean a safer and more stable environment.
3. The increase of the sexual life and sexual activity will bring more satisfaction with life. The sexual urge is inherent to being human; it's an inherited genetic response, which is related to the maintenance of the species. Our body responds to this inherited urges with feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment and achievement. When the married couple neglects the sexual life, is like saying to this inherited characteristics that this couple has no intention of preserving the species. I know that this third point brings a primal aspect of the human nature, but it is important to remember that humans are a mammals and a specie in this world, and although we don't want to live the primal lives again, our bodies were designed to live that lives. So, in crude words, what I'm saying is that sex is happiness, and doing it to the person you love, as the person you married, makes it further more special.

In “Sexual Life in Marriage: How to Keep this Fire Burning (2 of 2)”, which I will write after a couple of coffee, I will give the guidelines to the married couple to keep that sexual fire alive.