You can't put your finger on it, but you detect something has changed in your wife or girlfriend that leads you to believe she is having an affair. Stop fretting over it, do some sleuthing, and get to the bottom of it. Just be sure to keep your thoughts to yourself and don't confront her until after you have enough proof. Think about it. If she really is having an affair, she lies to you all the time already. She isn't going to be forthright unless you have plenty of evidence.
Start Checking the Mail Yourself
No, we don't think her lover is sending her written declarations of undying love for you to find. Check for anything out of the ordinary for her habits. Don't open it, of course, but something like a Victoria's Secret bill is a tip off if you never see her in anything but granny panties and a sports bra. Any credit cards that are a surprise to you should put you on notice. She may be ordering a lot of things online, too, so be on alert for packages. Note the company it came from or the return address. Find out what kinds of things they sell. If it is fishing tackle and neither of you are outdoorsy, you better hope it is a gift for her dad.
Review the Credit Card Bills
This can be tricky if she is a girlfriend who doesn't live with you. If she is eating at a particular restaurant repeatedly and it isn't one she mentions, be on alert. Be concerned if the dollar amount suggests she is paying for two. Keep track of the dates and make sure she wasn't out for a night with the girls before you accuse her of cheating. Pay close attention to dates she was working overtime or out of town - if her credit card places her somewhere else, you have cause to be suspect.
Overtime? Hardly!
So all of a sudden she is spending more time at work, is she? Maybe she's going in a bit earlier or staying late on a regular basis than she used to. Check her pay stub. If all that overtime isn't in her paycheck, be concerned. Try something spontaneous to catch her in this lie. The next time she emails you she is “working late,” show up at her office around 5, and bring dinner. If you really want to up the ante, bring enough for several of her colleagues, too. Announce you are there to see your girlfriend or wife since she is working late and you wanted to make sure she had her favorite Chinese food to fuel her OT. Wait for the confused expression as they tell you she's already gone for the day… or worse - she took the day off. Check her pay stub for any personal days or vacation time that doesn't jibe with her schedule.
New Emphasis on Her Appearance
You remember the early days of your romance, right? She always wore makeup, spending hours at Sephora to perfect her look and you never saw her in the sweats and baggy tee shirts that defined her style… until recently. Many affairs begin after a dramatic weight loss, and that makes sense. She suddenly feels better about herself and is attracting attention. If she is back at the cosmetics counter and leaving the house dressed to the nines, be concerned.
Changes in Sex
We're not just talking technique, either. A change in frequency without an obvious trigger is a telling tale. Sometimes a cheating girlfriend demands more sex because she thinks it covers her tracks better. Other women are more resistant to sex because they're getting it somewhere else.
New Accessories She Can't Explain
Many women are sentimental and appreciate tokens of affection they can keep close at hand. It doesn't need to be expensive, either. Pay attention if she seems to leave the house everyday with the same necklace - especially if you haven't seen it before and it is super tacky.
Check The Phone Bill
Look for phone calls to numbers you don't recognize and find out who is on the other end of the line. Do a reverse lookup. This won't work for mobile numbers, so do a *67 to disguise your number and see who picks up. If you're lucky you'll get a voice mail with a personal greeting - and a name, or a voice you recognize. Have good reason before taking this step - a lot of women (rightfully) feel as though their space has been invaded when their phone logs are perused. It is just like rummaging through her purse - a big no no. You really do not want to be caught doing this, so be very careful, and don't jump to any conclusions.
She Is More Easily Annoyed (Than Usual)
Maybe it feels like she has PMS all the time, or you suspect menopause stopped by early or later than her age would suggest. If she is really touchy and irritable, it may be due to her constantly comparing you to her new boy toy. Think about it. Even if he leaves the toilet seat up, they aren't spending enough time together for her to be annoyed about it. You, on the other hand, are inconsiderate by comparison, and never listen… you see where this is going.
As an aside, women are almost as likely to cheat as men. Women often conceal it better and are more difficult to catch as a result. Don't confront her outright unless you have hard evidence… she just might make you feel a bit paranoid with your accusation otherwise.
