Its September 2006 and being single in America is almost a free for all in terms of trying to establish real, meaningful relationships. In my case, I divorced, and moved forward carrying 3 kids and all the bills that my ex and I created. Thinking that maybe after a year or two, I would be emotionally prepared to start a new relationship I found myself attracting men who were either already in relationships or much younger than myself at the time.
Friends who had my best interest at heart were encouraging me not to give up and to “put myself more out there.” Hmmm, how much more “out there” could I put myself without opening the door to something I didn’t want or a label I did not be attached too! I tried online chats and eventually met the greatest guy who met all expectations … at least through our conversations. It didn’t take long before our chats became more personable, which led to frequent phone calls. It was the beginning of a courtship with a man I was anxious to meet up close and personal, and willing to open the door of opportunity to someone new.
As time quickly passed, we eventually met and it was love at first sight! With my mind made up to “go with the flow” and proceed from there, I was ready to accept our time together for what it was worth. It was a fairy tale come true for me, but the truth would be inevitable. We dated for two years and grew to love each other with a passion I had never known and with an understanding that was mutually respected and honored. It was a relationship filled with intensity and excitement. So much so that at times it made me sick to be away from him and he felt the same. Yet, it was not ever meant to be the real relationship neither of us hoped.
Swept away in mind and thought, he called me one day to tell me something so devastating it was like feeling a knife being pierced into my heart inch by inch. Our relationship was long distance and how we managed to build what we had to the point that we did, is like a love story made for the big screen or one you could only believe in a dream. He confessed his true status that he was married and had been engaged since the time we first met online. Believing this (our first meeting) to be a “one-time” meeting and intimate interlude at best, turned out to be just the opposite.
The more he talked the more I felt myself spiraling down from the highest point to commit an emotional, mental suicide. All I could do was hit playback on my memory vcr and look for clues, warnings, search for doubts and uncertainties about anything would have prevented the words coming from his lips through my phone, to my ears and to my heart! It was difficult to go through that and stay in tune with my daily life, taking care of home and being a good mother! Where was the reward for trying to be a good woman who waited for love and tried to be cautious every step of the way?
Needless to say that relationship suffered a cruel death and it has taken a few years to allow those feelings I felt of love and romance for this man to fade. In the midst of it, I tried to be the modern single woman. I tried to take care of my physical need for intimacy without commitment and found I am completely unable to disassociate intimacy from being in a relationship. I tried looking at love and relationships as a whole as distant wants and dove into my career head first. That too, has not been as successful as I had hoped but far better than most.
Overall, men are different, women are different and love is something found in Webster’s with a meaning that differs to all who read the definition. My very personal opinion is … women should be cautious and take more pride in themselves, be more assertive and selective and stop being second-class citizens to married men. Women need to recognize that there is more going for us than our bodies, we have a mind and we too, are intelligent, outgoing and adventurous individuals.
We can’t complain about the quality of men or lack of quality men that are out in the world for us, if we keep accepting the terms and conditions they choose for us. I am not and did not choose to be the other woman, it was made for me. Men need to know that as a single woman, single mother, single anything that we are willing to be all the things your wives choose not to be or refuse to be. Intimately, more than 95% of you (men) knew what you were getting from your relationships, when you decided to ask the woman you chose to marry. So, stop falling on your lack of in bed with your wife as your decision to commit adultery.
Marriage is an agreed upon commitment of one person to another, for better or worse, till death do you part! When did you ask your wife if it was okay for you to have an affair? And if you did ask and she did or didn’t agree, when did you tell the woman you pursued outside or your marriage?. She has a right to choose her role, the same way you did! Maybe that adds to your excitement of ruining someone else emotionally down the line, knowing your wife will always come first, her needs and wants will always come first.
