Most people seem to define intimacy as two people engaged in hot and passionate sex. Having discussed the subject with numerous men and women, this seems to be the first image that comes to their minds.
However, there is a strong argument to be made that intimacy is much less physical and has more to do with the mind, heart, and soul of those who enjoy sharing it together. In fact, I am personally convinced that the beautiful experience of physical connection between two people is really the culmination of all that is intimate between them. It includes how they relate outside of the bedroom as much as what they do inside of it
One would assume that this simple concept is understood by the vast majority of those who have ever experienced a truly loving relationship. No doubt, this is true. However, it would seem that there are just as many, if not more, who remain totally oblivious to intimacy being anything other than satisfying one's own sexual needs. Perhaps this seemingly widespread misconception provides a partial answer as to why there are so many failed relationships, unhappy couples, and such a high rate of divorce in our generation.
How Would I Define Intimacy?
Intimacy is him cherishing her and her needing him. It's all those little kisses in between. It's going out with other couples and still sitting next to each other. It's getting home from work and finding each other first. It's cuddling up on the sofa together to watch a movie or just chat about anything. It's always treating each other well and never allowing the sun to go down on an argument or a disagreement. It's holding hands in public every chance you get.
It is lots of hugs, kisses, and whispering sweet "somethings" into each other's ears. It is mutual respect and trust. It's him learning how to dance if that's what she wants to do on the weekends and it's her learning how to find a 9/16ths socket wrench if that's what he likes to do on Saturday afternoons. It's leaning up against a fence together on a clear starry night, gazing up at the sky together, not saying nything, and just holding each other tightly knowing that each is thinking, "In this whole great big universe, we were so blessed to have found each other."
Intimacy is an Attitude...
When two people relate to each other on this level, what happens in the bedroom becomes all the more beautiful. He would never think to use her for fifteen minutes to satisfy his own self-centered need for sex and she will never imagine what it would be like to have a remote controlled television installed in the ceiling over the bed. On the contrary, two people who truly have a romantic, intimate relationship will find themselves measuring love making, not in minutes, but in hours. Not only that, but it will be an often shared experience as well for it is impossible to love someone so much and not enjoy anything less than an intense mutual desire for physical connection.
Intimacy is not an experience. It is an attitude - one that defines the quality of how two people relate to each other during the "in between" times as well as those magical hours of lovemaking. It's caressing each other's heart and touching one another's soul long before their bodies ever come together.
Intimacy is not just what happens when two people join. It's all those little things in between.
