The covenant of marriage has a mystical, sacred and intangible aura to most people. It has special magical powers that supersedes all flaws and embraces the objects of one's affection unconditionally. Starry-eyed-lovers believe that a legal commitment creates trust, affection, ambition, excitement and honesty in a relationship. “Oh, once we marry he will change,” many women sigh to themselves. The bold truth is: Marriage does not create-- it seals, cements, glues and enhances what is already there. This fantasy-like view of marriage contributes to why over fifty percent of marriages fail. Saying I do, literally means, “I do,” to the essence of the relationship just the way it is.
Do you think he is a cheater, liar or lacks ambition? How many times has he told you that he does not want children” Believe what you see and hear. Marriage will not and should not change him. However, you should select someone who is already everything you want in a mate. You can't build a house with wood and expect it to change into brick. No matter how beautifully decorated and painted your wooden house is, you can only enhance --not change-- what you already have.
You can increase your chances of designing a successful marital institution by carefully selecting your building blocks. Your building blocks are the foundation of your relationship. Each one is made up of your beliefs, morals and values. You can increase your chances of designing a successful marital institute by carefully selecting your building blocks. The upkeep your institution will be maintained with love, respect and integrity. No relationship is perfect and you will find that you will depend on these blocks during storms and high winds. Remember to choose cautiously because your heart had to live in it.
Block 1
Who are you and what do you want? This is the most important building block of them all. What are your needs, expectations and wants from a relationship? If you don't know what you want in a mate, you don't need to be thinking about marrying anyone. Determine what you want out of life and then decide if your mate compliments who you are.
Don't listen to well-meaning friend's and family's advice about what you should want in a mate. If you want a rich man, be honest with yourself. Just make sure you find out what a rich man seeks in a wife. Defining who you are and what you want is the first building block. If you get this one wrong, it almost guarantees an awkward fit to all of the other blocks. The first building block contains fifty percent of the dreams, values, goals, and morals of the marital institution. Use this information to carefully select your better half.
Block 2
Accept the other person for who they are, not what you want them to be. Does he or she smoke cigarettes, snore or habitually leave their belongings around the house? Do you feel passionate or platonic love for your mate? Do you understand and respect your mates values? If this person never changes could you be happy in the relationship based on the knowledge you have today?
Give the relationship time to materialize and build something meaningful. Nothing important is ever built over night. The most beautiful buildings in the world are built with the same stones as prisons. Take time to find our what type of relationship the two of you are building together.
Block 3
Make sure that you and your partner share the same vision for the future. It is not necessary to have the exact same individual goals, but it may be very difficult to have a successful relationship if he wants to live in Spain and you want to live in Africa. You want to be a movie star and he want to move to the country and live a quiet life on a farm. Some things are negotiable, but if both partners do not share a long-term vision for the relationship's future, this may cause many problems in the future.
Block 4
Decide if you want children. Deciding whether or not to have children is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Parenthood is a lifetime commitment. It is not as much a human right as it is a responsibility to be taken seriously by both parties. You will be socially and emotionally bonded forever to the person whom you decide to have children with. In the unfortunate case of divorce, you both will still be responsible for co-parenting. When you are no longer in love with each other, you must still find a way to respect and like each other in order to raise emotionally healthy children.
