It is easy these days to fall in love. Young men and women fall in love at will; guys and girls celebrate their love affair with pomp and pageantry but a few years down the line, many love affairs become boring while couples begin to tolerate themselves; the issue therefore is no just falling in love but STAYING IN LOVE.
There must be commitment from the couples to the challenges of staying in love. The secret of staying in love is basically INTIMACY. Intimacy is from the latin word meaning “inmost”. It refers to the state of being most private, most personal in relationship. It depicts emotional closeness between two people. It means to understand and be understood by one who cares for you deeply. Intimacy does not come easily or automatically neither is it an involuntary result of fleeting emotion, it has to be developed. It is a creation of time and will. Time and will are the primary factors in developing intimacy. Other factors necessary is knowledge and patience. Intimacy eliminates marital boredom and dullness which are warning signs for which are warning signals for danger.
Some building blocks are needed in building the bond of intimacy:
- Physical touching of an affectionate-non sexual nature
- Shared feelings
- Closeness without inhibition and hindrances
- Absence of psychological defenses
- Open communication and honesty
- Intellectual agreement on major issues
- Spiritual harmony
- Sensitive appreciation of the mates physical and emotional responses
- Similar values held
- Imparted secrets
- Genuine understanding
- Mutual confidence
- Sense of warmth, safety and relaxation when the couples are together
- Sensuous nearness
- Sexual pleasure lovingly shared
- Signs of love freely given and received
- Mutual responsibility and caring
- Abiding trust
- Sympathetic understanding
Specific ways to building intimacy, it involves touching in Four areas.
Touching physically-non sexual
Touching was our first way of communication at birth and we still long for it.. It communicates care, tenderness, warmth, reassurance, security, trust and psychological satisfaction. Physical touch is absolutely essential in building intimacy however there are some factors that could hinder this.
- When touching is only used as a readiness for lovemaking-Men must break this habit. You must rid yourself of the myth that touching must always lead to lovemaking.
- When people have wrong conviction that they are not naturally affectionate. There must be willingness to change.
Touching emotionally
This is a bit more complicated than touching physically. Women are more emotionally complicated, in developing intimacy. It begins when two people deliberately share the same world that is their interest, feelings, thoughts, goals, aspiration, ambitions and ideas. It involves sharing experiences, dreams and secrets you would tell no one else. Talking in private matters about private matters builds emotional intimacy therefore a man needs to have knowledge of his partner. The man must learn to understand his spouse responses to herself, to himself and to the world influence on her. It involves cooperation of both partners as nothing else.Touching mentally:
This level of intimacy involves coming to an agreement about all the important issues that determine the direction of your life. It requires practice in making intelligent plans together. Couples who develop this level of intimacy enjoy real pleasure in setting goals together and accomplishing it together. It includes planning together financially.Touching spiritually:
Couples develop a lot of intimacy by worshipping together and doing religious things together.
In conclusion couples should desire and work together to achieve this level of intimacy so that they can stay in love and have real fun.
