The most beautiful words we can say to anyone we care about are, "I love you". They are the greatest form of affirmation we have in our language, and the most enriching endearment to someone we care about. Yet, because of many needless fears around their effect, both for sayer and recipient, many people are scared to use them.
To many insecure people who fear commitment "I love you" betrays deeply held emotions, often changes expectations and lift the lid on the desire to be expressive without painful consequences. So many people hold back, often waiting for the other person to "say it first". He/She doesn't oblige, because they too do not wish to be first to commit them self in this passionate, vulnerable way, to reveal their innermost thoughts. And so the two people play a continued game of guesswork between them, while giving false messages of their love and robbing themselves of the affirmation and reinforcement they both seek.
"I love you" carries a powerful meaning of value with it and many people believe that, unless the love lasts forever, they shouldn't say them. Yet feelings should not be stifled because they represent how we feel AT THAT TIME. Not tomorrow, or the day after that. Moreover, once we proclaim our love, we allow many other positive things to happen.
First, we express a natural joy which is good for both parties, we reveal the value of the other person to us and our desire for them, we commit ourself to them for as long as that love lasts, we make the other person feel significant, we feel fantastic for it and we are likely to elicit a reciprocal reply from the one we love. We also engender a greater feeling of security as those words remove the element of doubt and place the relationship on a surer footing. Most important, we allow love into our life and the opportunity for an entirely different experience.
Many people also erroneously believe that they have to reach a certain point in their relationship before they tell their partners, "I love you". That approach merely seeks to control life, not to let it unfold in its own way and surprise them. You should not be hesitant to say those beautiful words because they are likely to attract even more love to you, especially if your date or partner is in a receptive mode for it. Most important, you should say them when you FEEL like it. The moment your emotions tell you that you really love and care for someone, tell them "I love you" and mean it. The reaction could be amazing. By practising those words freely, you soon learn when they feel right for the moment.
So what if your partner does not reciprocate at all? That's for another article but, briefly, it means they may not be right for you or are very insecure themselves and perhaps need more time. However, once they hear those words, they are free to react how they wish, as long as you accept that they might be rejected. But it is not about the other person. It is about YOU and your emotions, so do not stifle your honest feelings. Otherwise you will gradually kill your love, while you live in denial, which gets you nowhere and keeps you feeling insecure.
Personal Experience
Some time ago I met a wonderful man, whom I call my David, who boldly asked me for a date the same day we spoke on the phone for the first time. I liked the way he sounded and decided to see him that evening. The date was really enjoyable and I knew I liked him the minute I found myself asking him if I could touch his hair! In fact, I found myself breaking some of my own rules in my attraction to him. Three days after the date, I was speaking to him on the phone and, quite without realizing it, the words "I love you, David" tumbled out of my mouth in an entirely unexpected way. Normally, I am not so quick to declare my love, but it felt right and my subconscious prevented me from repressing it.
Momentarily I doubted my judgment, thinking I was probably being overtaken by the occasion, especially as he did not reciprocate at the time. However, I have always trusted my instincts and when he told me the next day how much he loved me, and valued what I had said, and the great effect I was already having on his life and perception, the relationship took a dramatic new turn. Though it is early days in the relationship, it is very difficult to describe the depth of love we feel each time we see each other and the amazing passion we share between us. We don't have to hide our feelings anymore and the closeness and love are simply awesome.
And if Our Love Doesn't Last for a Long Time?
Of course, it would be a little sad, but it really doesn't matter. That's not the key point. We would both have benefited from the interaction. We would have had the most amazing time, and great effect on each other's life. We would have experienced some truly joyous emotions, for which words seem inadequate. We would have allowed love between us and be much better people to progress our life and find our ideal, instead of stifling our love because of insecurity, fear and the search for perfection.
Don't hesitate in expressing your emotions. You do not know what remarkable effect a few simple, meaningful words could have on someone else and their sense of worth. After all, it's not the words "I love you" which cause problems between couples. It's something else entirely that happens after they are uttered and which changes the dynamics between the couple forever. It is called expectations.
