Moving on from the past is extremely essential if you want to live and love those who are in your life in the present. Here’s how to start afresh.
You went through all the motions of a break-up, from the lonely evenings to the drunken nights out with the pals, and you’re ready to begin a new relationship with a person you’ve been eying for a while. Wondering how to go about forgetting your ex completely so that you can start a new relationship from a fresh perspective? Read on.
Accept reality: She’s gone
This first step may take longer for some than for others, depending on how serious the relationship was. Obviously, if you were living with your ex, you’ll have a harder time accepting the break-up than if you only dated seriously for a few months. The sooner you accept the reality that she is not coming back, the sooner you can begin to move on with your new love. So, stop that little voice from telling you that she’s going to come to her senses and call you. That’s just you refusing to let go.
Clear your head
You have to let go of the anger and hurt that you’re feeling about your past relationship. If you don’t, you will just drag it into the new relationship, which can spell disaster. For instance, you may misinterpret your new partner’s behaviour because of the ways in which your ex reacted. Avoid this by just letting those feelings go and starting fresh. A college-going student once believed that it was possible to be friends with her ex. She now knows it’s not. “My ex-partners presence was toxic. It might not have been his fault, but his presence took away from my giving love and attention to the man currently in my life. The farther they are from you, the better for your emotional health.”
Learn from your mistakes
Once you’ve gotten rid of the negative emotions, you can begin to view your past relationship as a learning experience. Think about why you broke up and the reasons you were incompatible. By taking this extra step, you will ensure that you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
Talk to your new partner
Although, this may seem dicey, it is a good idea to talk to your new partner about your ex. That way, he/she will understand where you’re coming from. However, don’t go on ad nauseum about it because this will probably scare your new partner away, and then you’ll have to start this list of steps all over again.
Achieve closure with your ex
The general consensus among people seems to be that exes can’t ever ‘just be friends.’ Although, the optimists among us like to think that it’s possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways. The faster you accept this as a truth, the better off you’ll be. So, stop calling him/her and showing up where you know he or she will be, and focus your attention on your new partner. Don’t jeopardise your current relationship by encouraging your ex-partner. It’s important to get the message across that it’s over. And importantly, don’t flip flop with your ex-partner, which means don’t encourage him/her to call or message you.
Put the pictures away
And, while you’re at it, collect all the memorabilia of your past relationship, such as pictures, letters, clothing, and any other odds and ends that you amassed, and throw them out. If you’re the type of person that never throws anything away, put everything in a box, close it and stash it in a storage area.
Re-invent your favourite hotspots
Try not to take your new flame to the same restaurants and clubs you went to with your ex, as this will only bring up memories of your times together and cause you to waste your energy thinking about her instead of your new girlfriend. The best thing to do is find a new restaurant or fun spot that neither of you has ever been to before and experience it for the first time together.
Don’t compare
Do not compare your new partner to your ex in any way, shape or form. Period. This is the golden rule.
Appreciate your new partner’s uniqueness
Instead, focus on what makes your new partner unique. How is he/she special? What does she do that no one else can do? By answering these questions, you will be able to zone in on the qualities you love about her and appreciate them all the more. Moving on.
