Each culture has its own traditions; Some cultures will not allow their women to appear in public without a veil over their face. Some cultures insist that their women wear wigs - only allowing the husband to see their actual hair. Some have elaborate traditional weddings. Celebrations on a new baby’s birth only after the baby has lived for 100 days. Some value having sons more than daughters. Some cultures are based on a paternal order of things. Others on a maternal order.
When it comes to my own traditions, there are some I too was raised knowing of. A beautiful wedding with a celebration after exchanging vows. Followed by a wonderful honeymoon to begin your new life as a joined couple.
If you are blessed soon afterward, a baby may follow which brings its own set of traditions.
I must confess to you all how pathetically envious I am of others. I didn’t have the traditional moment when your man would fall graciously to one knee - holding your hand and cradling a ring symbolizing a promise to you. And then asking you to marry him and make him the happiest man alive. Nope, that didn’t happen to me. I’m afraid after being with my guy for three years, I more or less told him to either make an honest woman out of me or just go our own merry way.
It was really a sad day - our wedding day. I supposed I had just expected so much more. There was no great planning - no expense involved. I had worked as a Paralegal for a Judge - He married us in our office. It was his very first wedding, so at least, he was very excited. My husband to be worked that day and was late getting to the office. He wore a clean pair of jeans and a fresh shirt - no tie or coat. I know guys, your absolute dream wedding, right? I wore a beautiful new dress with gorgeous heels, a small bunch of flowers and white lace gloves. A rather odd couple we were indeed.
Honestly, I felt like I had simply gotten dressed up for a doctor’s appointment. Just another day with a fancy dress.
Almost six years and just four months after I lost my father to suicide, we found out we were pregnant. A joyful event in all couple’s lives, no? I was amazed and afraid it wasn’t real. But when I saw the ultra sound, I cried for days from utter joy.
I suppose what I was expecting in the sense of traditions, was at least a family dinner to celebrate our wedding. Or even a nice baked cake - could have been a store bought cake, for it would have been the thought behind it that mattered.
I felt so alone. Like nobody cared at all about this step we wanted to take and share in our lives. Then when I was pregnant, I waited nine months for a baby shower. But there was none. I always assumed my mother in law would arrange it and invite their huge extended family. After all, in all the years I had known them, they had many such celebrations and such for everyone else. I’ve seen her even create with her own hands a beautiful wedding cake for my husband’s cousin Melissa. Surely she would do as much for her eldest son and her daughter in law.
But she didn’t. She never even bothered to come when her granddaughter was born. I had absolutely nobody with me during the birth of our first baby. I mean I was completely alone except for the doctor and two nurses. My husband was hungry - so he left to go and eat. And nobody else had the time to waste watching me bring a baby girl into this world. My doctor kept saying, “Are you sure there is no one I can call?” She told me later, that in all the years she had been delivering babies, I was the first and only one who had done it all alone…
The moment I heard my baby’s first cry, I cried and cried. I felt so utterly pathetic. Perhaps it was just the hormones.
Pathetic because I only wanted the stupid, silly traditions I had witnessed so many others receive. I wanted to be surrounded by crying new grandmothers - Jubilant new grandfathers handing out cigars in honor of my new addition to the family.
I wanted to be surrounded by family and friends showing me with baby clothes and bibs - car seats and tiny booties. Pacifiers and mobiles to hang above a crib. But received absolutely nothing at all.
I had seen so many joyful mother in laws who had even picked out a wonderful new crib for their new grand baby. I found an old one in a used furniture store just weeks before her birth. Still holding out for that baby shower or something.
