Whoever said "being in love means never having to say sorry" might have been in love, but was definitely not in a relationship! The reality is being in love not only means having to say you're sorry and having mean it when you know you have done something wrong or hurtful, but also having to say it in such a way that the other party is aware of your sorrow. Perhaps you aimed for below the belt during a fight, bringing up the fact that his mother forgot your birthday two years ago, or vented weeks of frustration built up from an ungrateful employer on an undeserving spouse.
The sorry usually needed to rectify these kind of sticky situations with a significant other is much more than the automatic “oops I'm sorry” - the kind uttered if one accidentally bumps another as they walk by. Even the shocked gasp of an “oh my gosh - I'm so sorry!” exclaimed when you realize you forgot a friend's birthday, or sympathetic “I'm so sorry” uttered to a grieving soul when someone loses a loved one is not enough. I am referring of course to the most complex of apologies - the one uttered to a wrong loved one. To apologize appropriately in this case is an art in itself as more than one emotion must be conveyed: contriteness, regret, genuine remorse, concern, and the genuine desire to make amends.
Every apology of this sort must come from the heart. It should also probably include an explanation should be included as to how the mistake occurred, your recognition of the pain you've caused, and possibly even taking enough responsibility to come up with a plan to prevent it from happening again. That's the content, but what the form? Well, this writer has canvassed for your viewing convenience several types of apology, common and unusual, literary and substantial.
The poem
Although some might say that nothing relays emotional sentiment quite like poetic verse, this writer would urge one to be cautious. Poetry by its very nature is short and inarticulate - meant to convey a generalized feeling rather than an exact explanation. A haiku, to cite an extreme example, is no more than 17 syllables. If the apology was for forgetting to pick up milk on the way home, a poem might be appropriate. However, even then this writer would suggest writing something at least as long as a limerick and only for an apologee with a very good sense of humor.
The letter
The letter on the other hand typically falls on the opposite end of the spectrum. Writing is so cathartic that apologers tend to run the danger of being too verbose. Feelings are explained and emphasized to such an extent that apologies may feel overwhelmed by all that is on page. Letter apologies may, if apologers are not careful, be viewed by apologies as a long-winded justification of events.
The gesture
From personal experience and also stereotypes gleaned from hours of romantic comedies, it is my personal feeling that flowers are best left for men to buy their ladies. Meals on the other hand may be served by either gender with a good chance of success. The key is to choose quality over quantity and to always note personal preference. A small bouquet of calla lilies for example, is preferable to a larger bouquet of daisies, though neither is recommended if what she likes are red roses. And under no circumstances (that's zero) should the flowers be from the local supermarket kitty corner to her apartment! This must be emphasized in unequivocal terms: the further away and the fancier the flower store the more points you will score!
Now ladies, likewise, when attempting to appease the male ego, choose quality over quantity and keep in mind his personal preferences. More often than not, steak of a superior cut with potatoes is a better choice than a three course meal centered on an asparagus theme; unless of course, you are dating a vegetarian. In which case, this writer recommends cous cous as a choice side dish. It is interesting to note that contrary to the distance and effort rule of pleasing females, it is reversed for males. To clarify, the male gender prefers to travel the least amount of distance possible for their meals and typically, the less effort it takes to reach their destination, the better.
The grand gesture
The ultimate grand gesture are those apologies that have gone so over the top that both apologer and apologee gets carried away by the moment. The apology is almost too effective if you will. I refer of course to the tearful apology capped by a marriage proposal. The scene plays out like this: you've cheated, you're genuinely sorry, you pour your heart out and astonishingly is forgiven, your heart overflows, and out of the blue THE question is popped to your surprise and his or hers too! This writer would suggest that grand gestures are best left for grand Hollywood stars and starlets who are grand enough to afford grand lawyers to help them out of their grand messages!
There is no doubt that apologizing is an art and hopefully with these tips in mind, it will be an easier skill to master. However, a better art to practice may be that of avoiding situations in which an apology is needed in the first place. Being in love may mean having to say you're sorry, but clearly the less often you need to say it, the better!
