For me, it meant that I resented my husband, to the point of wanting to shoot him in the head, but thankfully, it was easy to pretend that he was already dead . Otherwise, I might be in prison today, and who'd have raised our kids?
The truth is that he loved golf much more than he loved me. The golf course was where he believed he was king. He got off on it. It gave him a kick and a boost of self esteem. No one could swing that stupid thing better than he did, so the golf course became like a mistress to him. Somewhere, “out there,” he had a wife and three kids, so that was enough for him. On the rare occasions when he came home, the kids would be sleeping and I'd be exhausted from doing everything on my own. I'd try to explain how many hours there are in a day, but time was a concept that he knew nothing of. He simply couldn't understand why I would demand that he ever come home. He's say, “I need my space,” but how many acres does it take to get enough space between the golfer and his family? “I need to play,” he'd say. Well, okay. So where did that leave me?
It left me alone and on my own for twenty-three years of married irony. The enigma is hard to describe. The golf widow is still married, legally, to someone she never sees, visually. In her effort to survive the golfer in her life, she begins to pretend he's no longer alive. I wonder how many times I visualized his funeral in my mind? What I wore to his funeral, how I cried at his funeral and how happily I'd get on with my life, became a normal routine in my mind. The fantasy made more sense to me than the reality ever did.
Why didn't I learn to play golf too? If I did, who would raise the kids? Who would pay the bills and who would know where we lived? Someone had to stay home. Golf takes too long to play, and an avid golfer can never get enough time or space to play. I can't comprehend what the pleasure is. Why is it true that a ball and a club is more appealing than the ones you say you love?
Don't get me wrong. Some guys can play nine holes and be satisfied. My golf freak, on the other hand, could play thirty-six holes in a day and never see or believe how much time had passed away. By the time he remembered his family, the kids were grown and on their own, and I'd grown accustomed to being a widow.
He was so surprised when I finally said good bye on the day I caught up with him on hole number nine. Using the words of Willie Nelson's song, “You were always on my mind,” he actually cried to see me leave. How strange that seemed to me. How could I be on his mind all the time when he spent every day away? That's why I believe that the obsession of any sport is the same as being a cheat. The sports fanatic might as well commit adultery, because the sport is a way to cheat. It means they can have both things, both ways, and there will always be someone to do their laundry. I believe golf freaks are selfish human beings who don't know when it's time to stop chasing their balls all over the place as a way to be married and free at the same time.
So, if you're obsessed with sports of any kind, you might want to ask yourself, “Do I have a wife?” If you do, you might want to see if she's still at home, and that is only if you can find your home. If you do, and you see that she's still there, you might want to give her a hug and say, “Thanks for waiting.”
Try to take time to see that time goes by and what is lost in time can't be replaced by a silly game that wastes your life. Sporting activities are great ways to escape from life now and then, but please see that escaping is also a way to selfishly say, “I can have it both ways.” Your wife would like to have a life too, and she'd might even like to have it with you. You need to remind her that you are sill alive, and if you do, maybe it won't be too late for you.
I'm sad to say that golf took my husband away, but I survived. The golf widow I came to be taught me many things. Because of this, I learned how to be independent. For that, I am grateful to the golfer who made a widow of me, but you see, today he wonders, “What happened to my family?”
Don't make that same mistake. Where sports are concerned, remember it's only a game and games can wait to be played. What you lose in the time it takes to play a game, can never be replaced.
