We have all been guilty of allowing a negative past relationship affect our future with someone else. It may have been love songs, romantic movies, past valentine celebrations, memorable locations, or running into a friend or family member of your ex that triggered your old feelings followed by the thought, “I wonder what he or she is doing these days?” Now for most people it is just what it is a thought and then it goes away. You don't ponder on it, you don't desire to contact the ex, you just move on with your life. Yet, there are those people who have that thought and many more afterward which have made them feel guilty lately for thinking about the ex and wondering if they should end their current relationship, if you are one of those people, then this article was written for you.
An ex is an ex because one of you or both decided that you no longer wanted to be a pair. After days, weeks, months or years in a relationship with your ex, you longed for the day the relationship would end and you would be free from the drama. Then one day it finally happens, you end it for good, no contact, feelings, heartache, worry, stress, nothing…it's over between you and your ex! Then something happened recently that has caused you to reminisce about the good ole' days with the ex. The past thoughts and visions begin slowly about the ex, evading your mind first, then body and later your soul. You begin to question whether you made the right decision to move on with your life. You wonder whether your ex will ever welcome you back if you decide you want to start again with him or her. You feel guilty for feeling this way and rather than focus on your current relationship, you start coming up with ways to nurture the old one.
The problems you have with your new girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse may not have occurred until you began entertaining those thoughts of your ex in your mind. If you allowed your focus to be on the existing relationship and not on the old one, you most likely wouldn't be having the problems that you are now having in the new relationship. Why did you get involved in your current relationship? Did you want to start fresh with someone and teach them how you wanted to be treated? Did they have far more better qualities then the ex? Were you simply lonely and you just took what you could get? You need to know the answers to these questions to understand why your ex still holds a significant place in your heart?
Singles would like to not make similar mistakes with the new person that they made with the ex. They learn that if they allow the new mate to know too much or too little about them they may end up in the same relationship all over again. The ex on the other hand knows more about you; therefore, it is easy for the ex to have the upper hand when you are comparing the new and the old mates. However, if you find yourself doing a comparison study of the two, then you are spending way too much time thinking about the past; therefore, robbing yourself of a future with your new mate. Telling your current mate that you would like to continue a relationship with him or her when in reality you would prefer to be with the ex is manipulative and abusive.
Now some people reading this may not have any problem with loving and/or caring about their ex. However, he or she may still be struggling with the memories. It is better to watch what you say and do when conversing about the ex to your significant. The best tip for sharing information about the ex is don't say anything about he or she unless it is absolutely pertinent to a topic that you and your significant may be discussing. If you find that you are frequently starting a conversation about the ex without any questions or comments from your current mate, he or she may suspect that you still care very deeply for him or her. You may also conduct yourself with your ex that you know if found out by your new mate, he or she would break up with you immediately. If that is your problem, then you need to stop and stop quickly.
There may be something in your current relationship that is causing confusion in your mind and heart. This confusion could be contributing to the problems you are having with your current mate. Rather than running back to the past, you should be building a foundation for yourself and your present mate. The actions you take today with your current mate will contribute to a successful future. Too many couples are having problems because they are not willing to work on their relationships. They feel it is easier to start a new one or go back to the person they use to date. Chances are your relationship that you are now in may have been a rebound after breaking up with the ex. You will know you are rebounding when you find that you are overreacting to everything this new person is saying or doing to you even when the actions are positive.
