In addition, you will find you are more comfortable doing activities alone rather than together with the new person. You will avoid opportunities to enhance your current relationship, because you are still grieving over the old one. You will also allow outside influences to dictate your feelings toward your new mate and defend things people say about your old mate. These actions all show that you aren't over the ex.
As harmless as it may seem the more you think about the past, the more trouble you will be in the present. From old emails to old phone numbers, you will be found out. Your negative mannerisms, apathetic behaviors, lack of intimacy and more toward your current mate are dead giveaways! Just when you think your mate doesn't suspect you have been cheating in your mind with your ex, that's when the questions surface. “What are you thinking about? Where have you been? Who was that on the phone? What were you looking at on the Internet?” When you catch yourself lying, leaving out details and other dishonest behaviors regarding your ex, you have some issues within that will need to be worked out.
You will also hear yourself coming up with statements to “pacify” your current mate and cover up what you have been thinking about such as “Oh nothing important.” You might even turn the conversation off of you on to your mate by saying, “I was just thinking of you. What's on your mind?” The truth is you may have really been thinking about the ex who had you doing flips back in the day, the gifts he or she bought, places you vacationed, how the two of you broke up and so much more.
Despite your being busted by your current mate for thinking about the past, you were, and now you will have to analyze yourself to see if your present thinking about your past is going to affect your future with your current mate. Here's what you need to ask yourself to gain some clarity on your feelings.
Do you find yourself thinking about this person often?
If so, you will have to begin to stop by avoiding people, places or things that are fueling thoughts about your ex. If you need to, list everything that went wrong in the relationship and refer back to it from time-to-time when you are feeling nostalgic for your ex. In addition, avoid feelings of guilt, blame or shame. “I should have never…” when you allow those negative feelings to come into your mind, you will be attempting to convince yourself to go back and fix things. Remember a broken heart cannot be fixed by the one who broke it. The person who allowed their heart to get broken in the first place will have to mend it whether they choose to find support through God, family, or some other helpful system.
When do the thoughts occur?
If you are finding yourself thinking about the ex only when certain things are said or done, why would you continue to do them? Let's say you enjoy a favorite sitcom and every time you watch it you think about the ex, why would you continue to watch it if you are trying to get over the ex? When you listen to a certain radio station, the songs they play remind you of the ex, why do you still continue to listen to it?
Are you covering up or lying how you really feel about this person?
When you find yourself lying or defending your actions regarding your ex to your new mate, you have painted a picture whether you choose to accept it or not, that you still love and/or care for the ex. If that is what you find yourself doing and you have tried to stop but you can't, you need to end your current relationship. The new mate should have the opportunity to be with someone who is over their ex and ready to begin a committed relationship. Keeping your new mate around simply because you don't have a heart to tell him or her a truth is foolish. Delaying the truth will only lead to more problems in the future such as having children you don't want, buying property together that may later lead to a lawsuit, getting married and then divorcing and other events that most couples who are in love enjoy, but you won't, because you are playing “head games” with your current mate.
Are you still in love with this person?
When was the last time you asked yourself this question? If you can honestly say, “No.” Then there is hope for your current relationship and those thoughts of the ex are just that, mere thoughts that you can work on removing from your mind by building better memories with your current mate. However, if you know you still love your ex in a way that is robbing you of your happiness with your current mate, it's time to make a choice. Whatever you choose, be sure that your decision is yours alone and is not being influenced by outside sources such as family who can't seem to let your ex go.
