Recently, I had an argument with a loved one. It was not an important thing to argue about, and we soon let it go. But what was peculiar about it was that neither of us were willing to say the two-syllable word, sorry. Why is it so difficult for some of us to say "I'm sorry"?
Ego
What is ego, anyway? Ego simply means your personal judgement of your self-worth. This affects our self-confidence. When we become overly concerned with what we want, without considering the wishes of other people, that's when saying I'm sorry becomes a difficult task. It's a blow to our ego. You believe that you're right and the other person is wrong, all the time.
Opinion
You want your say. You want to be heard. Your opinion matters and you want to get it across to the other party. You want to make sure that they truly understand how you feel about the matter. To you, the argument is just not over yet.
Competition
Living in a competitive world where we want to get ahead of everyone else, has affected our social world as well. We want to win all the time, even if we are against our loved ones. We don't want to admit defeat or failure. Saying I'm sorry seems like a failure on our part. We just don't want to be the first one to apologize. It's like you're in a game; the first one who apologizes loses.
Not in My Vocabulary
For some of us, sorry is just not in our vocabulary. We have never been taught to say sorry much when we were young. Is it the fault of our parents for not instilling this important social skill? Not at all, I believe saying I'm sorry can be cultivated no matter what your age is. You just need to say it more often.
Lack of Practice
Practice makes perfect. You don't say "sorry" everyday. You say "hi" everyday. It's just not something that you do often enough that it becomes easy to do. Maybe you should get a social etiquette teacher to teach you how to do it.
Don't Know How
This stems from the lack of proper communication skills between the two people involved. We may want to say the two-syllable word but we don't seem to know how to say it. It's just awkward, especially when a significant amount of time has lapsed and both of you have forgotten about the incident. But do you or they really forget?
Emotion Rules
At times, you are just still so angry with the other person that saying I'm sorry at that moment would seem fake and lack sincerity. You're still hurting inside.
Sorry is Just Not Enough
There are times when saying sorry is just not enough. More needs to be done, such as a change of behavior or a promise from the other party that it would not happen again, is in order. If that's the case, then do it.
Lack of Compromise
The give-and-take attitude is just not there. There is no willingness to listen to each other's opinions and make a compromise where necessary. Learn to give-and-take, even if it means you have to start it first.
Not Thinking Far Enough
I think the most important reason why it is difficult to say I'm sorry is because we are not thinking far enough. We are stuck in the "now". We need to change that. We need to ask ourselves whether this is important enough to argue about. Is this argument important enough to wreak your relationship with the person? If you think for a minute, you will realize that it's not worth it. Then, I'm sure saying I'm sorry would be easy as 1-2-3.
I have since said sorry to my loved one, and we have reconciled. When you know that the argument is not worth it, then it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, or who says I'm sorry first, or who is deeply hurt. You just want to happy and move on with your life.
