I had a dream last night. It was a dream that was an exact occurrence that happened years ago. When I was a teenager, I fell in love with a girl. The love was reciprocated and we stayed together for four years. We muddled though the pangs and passions of first loves as most young people. To this day, I do not remember why we ended the relationship.
Several years later, I was at home watching late night television, when there was a knock at my door. It was her. I invited her inside. We were happy to see each other again. She came to my house simply wanting to talk. We talked of our memories of our past relationship and the troubles she was going through at the time. She asked me if I would just hold her. We lay down on the sofa, holding each other and talking. We held each other through the night. This is the dream I had last night. The dream was an exact replica of that evening. I awoke wondering if she were in trouble and thinking of me. She knows that I will always care for her. She knows I would always be there for her if she needed me.
The dream made me wonder if love has the constitution to reach out subconsciously when a past lover is thinking about you and wanting your help. I would do anything in my power to help her if needed. I have since moved to another state and have no way to contact her. It was such a vivid dream, in color, and it made me remember how I still cared for her. Is it possible she is trying to reach out to me mentally for advice or help? Caring is a form of love. She is now on my mind, so I said a prayer for her. I suppose if it is God's will, we will meet again. I wonder.
The second time I fell in love was with a beautiful girl for whom I still hold a special place in my heart. We were together five years and talked of getting married and having a family. I thought all my hopes and desires were going to become a reality. However, one day she decided she was going off to college in another state far away and broke our relationship. The pain of that heartbreak still hurts in my heart. I loved her more than life itself. Part of me will always love her. I will always care for her. I found out she married another man and lived the life I thought I was supposed to live with her. It is very painful to think about. If she came back to me today, it would be a struggle for me not to be with her. I wonder if she ever thinks about me. I wonder if she still cares for me. It seems obvious to me that she did not love me enough to find me and carry on our relationship.
I dated many girls after that, but none that I felt I truly loved. Many years went by until I met my current wife. We fell in love almost instantly. We have been married six years. I cannot complain about anything in our relationship, for she is a truly wonderful, loving and compassionate woman.
What bothers me is the love and caring I still feel for the two girls I loved before I met my wife. Is it wrong for me to still feel the way I do about them? I would never hurt my wife's feelings by discussing this with her, for she may think I love her less. That is not true. But what about the women I who came before? I am at a loss in understanding these feelings. Does love that you felt years ago really last? I am so confused by this that I talked to a therapist, but the feelings remain unchanged. What is it about love that lingers for so many years? Am I alone in these thoughts? Is there something wrong with me for the feelings I have. I wonder about love.
