Once a pond a time women stayed home cooking meals, keeping the house and caring for the family; men went off to work earning the wages to provide shelter and protect the family from hunger.
Once a pond a new age women go off to work to pay for their half of the home, the food and their families belongings. Men also go off to their jobs to come up with the other half needed to run the house and keep food on the table.
Both come home to cook the meals, clean the house, run errands, entertain the children and care for the family. By the end of the day both are tired, worn out and can't stand the others bad habits and inconsideration. But let's face it, this is the person you married, you love them even if it is not in this moment. And most of those inconsiderate things are only because they are irritated, tired, and trying to piss you off. It wouldn't be a really a big deal, if you had time to deal with it.
In free time men usually go down to the garage, go on the computer or spend it working overtime. Women also have some good hobbies but also tend to spend time thinking about or complaining men aren't spending time with them. And of course women are not getting what they want or need from the man. They feel depleted, empty and often over emotional. The guy doesn't understand; he is stupid women will say and he will also admit. He doesn't know how to give the women what she wants.
Now what happens? She cheats or he cheats to “get what they need” or the common element in today's world, “they get divorced”. How discussing. How weak. What a waste of time, and what a waste of a lot of money. The truth is it happened because no one knew what else to do. Somebody or both gave up. And definitely no one had any time to fix the problem. So the final answer: DIVORCE. Wow, lawyers must be getting richer. No wonder everyone else is poor, especially single parents.
The truth of the matter is, when you got married you hoped, some even thought they knew it would be forever. You loved that person and that's why you married them. Unfortunately life got in the way and tore you apart. Maybe at the end you were glad it was over, sick of all the pain. But you know deep in your heart you wish it could have worked and everything would have been the way you imagined. You know that the last thing you wanted to go through was a horrible divorce.
Before it gets to that desperate part of departure here are some small things you can do says relationship coach Paula Rose to re-pair and reinvest in your relationship.
o
1). Go back to the beginning of your relationship. Do you remember the things you did and how you acted? If you don't then I will tell you. Your main priority when you saw each other was to have a good time. It wasn't to fight, argue or bring up past unpleasant events. While you were away you thought good thoughts of the other person and did things to show you care, like sending a text message, an e-mail or calling to see how the other person is doing through out the day. You made an effort to look good, come up with interesting conversations and be on your best behavior at all times. You were considerate, respectful and wouldn't dare ignore what you knew the other wanted. Go back to being that cool, easy going, fun person that your partner loved to be around.
2). Know that there will be disagreements or things the other person does to push your buttons. This is natural. But instead of getting into a disagreement or argument about it, be the person who says, “I am going into the other room, I will talk with you later when we are both ready to do so”. During this time go do something you enjoy for a short while and come back when you are ready to talk.
3). Have you ever heard the phrase, “what you focus on is what you get”? Start to notice all of the things, even if they are teeny tiny that your partner does that you like. The more you focus on what you do like, more of it will arise. In every relationship there is something your mate does that you like. Maybe he cooks for you. Do you notice the reason he continues to do this? it is because you are constantly showing or saying something to let him know you love his cooking. Try finding something you like in the areas that aren't so great and you will find that they do improve. These daily small actions will make a huge difference of a short period of time.
While no relationship is perfect there are many small things a couple can do individually or together to make it happy and successful. For a free monthly, easy to read relationship newsletter or one on one coaching contact relationship coach Paula Rose at www.coachmylife.ca or call 647 818 9616.
