Now, obviously from the title of this article, you can safely assume that I am not a religious person. I have never been religious, and unless I get hit on the head some day, I don't anticipate ever being religious. My reasons for avoiding that way of life are plentiful, and yet not the topic of discussion today. Instead, what I want to talk about is the fact that, though we might not agree with what they believe, or how they behave sometimes, it is still nigh impossible to go through life without encountering/knowing/living with religious people. Here now are some simple ideas that have helped me in the past and continue to guide me as I make my way through existence, accompanied by folks of various creeds.
Don't take it upon yourself to change them
This is the first, and seemingly most obvious, rule to peaceful co-existence with religious people. However, it can sometimes be the most difficult. It is made even harder when the religious person(s) in question is someone you care for, as a friend, family member, or what-have-you. Why wouldn't you want to help someone you love? Why can't you try and stop them from what seems to be a nonsensical, and sometimes scary, way of life? Well, for the same reasons that we atheists are incensed by religious people attempting to preach to us to change our beliefs (or lack thereof). It's a personal decision. Just as you wouldn't want people telling you who to choose as a boyfriend/girlfriend, or dictating how you should dress, so it is with religion. Respect a person's decision to follow whatever deity they find works for them, so long as they offer you the same respect, and so long as they are not endangering anybody by doing so.
Don't even discuss religion with them
The only times the topic should be breached are
- if they bring it up
- if they are offending you in some manner, or
- if you are offending them
If B.) or C.) do occur, then the offending actions should be discussed, in a civilized manner. It is up to the discretion of both of you as to what may or not be deemed offensive, but I think common sense would make things pretty clear. They should not expect you to say “grace” at the dinner table, just as you should not expect them not to say “grace.” Things like that.
Now, if A.) occurs, it's a whole different ballgame, which I'll discuss in a second.
Try to see where they might be coming from before judging them
You know it and I know it: most of the atrocities in human history have come directly or indirectly from the actions of religious fanatics. It can be very difficult for us non-believers to excuse some of the seemingly dangerous or disgraceful things that religion hath wrought. Example: I personally find missionary work quite unsettling and despicable. The idea that religious groups infiltrate 3rd world countries, under the guise of helpful outsiders bringing food and supplies, only to all but force those villagers to accept the bible and the “teachings” found within, is simply awful. They typically will then destroy (or make the villagers destroy) important places and things of importance to their native beliefs in order to make the “transformation” complete.
So what was I to do when I discovered that several of my close friends had actually participated in missionary work, and were proud of it?
Wrestle with the idea that these people, my friends, were part of such atrocities. Calm myself down and try and swallow the bile creeping up in my throat. And then, after I was in a calm, rational and serene state, try to view the whole things from their perspective. I know these people. These are not bad people, by any means. They are caring, good-humored people that I know and love. So what could be their motivation? It came to me, as I'm sure it came to you: they were doing what they thought was right. In their eyes, they weren't raping a people of their own uniqueness and way of life; they were saving them from starvation, famine, disease, and a way of life that could be brutal and dangerous.
Coming to this realization does not mean I agree with the idea of missionaries any more than I used to, but it does mean that I can see that some of the people involved see nothing but good intentions and benefits from their deeds, and for that I cannot fault them individually.
Take the opportunity of religious discussion not as an opening for attack, but as an opening for dialogue
