Keeping your sex life alive is easy enough if you just keep working at it. However, the question often becomes not whether it is alive, but how much. For some an active sex life is a few times per month. For others it could be a few times per day. A definition of sex life is important at this point.
Your sex life is made up of at least three components. How much sex is the one that most people gravitate toward first. The level of sexual fulfillment is important, too. In fact, for some people having a bad sexual experience is worse than no sex. The third component is the relational aspect of sex. This is the part where sex causes a sense of bonding with the partner. Without this third piece, most people lose interest in sex with a particular person very quickly. Each of these three areas need special attention if your sex life is to stay alive and not be on life-support.
When it comes to how much sex to have, reality and fantasy must part company. In the world of fantasy, everyone can keep going and going. This simply is not true in real life. For nearly all men, anything beyond three times per day is not sustainable even in the prime of life. Most men are limited to once or twice per day. Because of lubricants and anatomical differences, it is possible for women to have sex many times per day. However, unless she has some type of psychological problem, most women really are only interested in once or twice per day.
Men think about sex continually, but this does not mean they are able to deliver. In fact, as men age, a few times per week or month may be all that they are able to perform well. The physical exertion of sex can limit a man's ability to finish what he starts. A lot of men can talk far better about sex than they can execute.
When it comes right down to it, the quantity of sex needs to be a negotiated thing between partners. This will keep one partner from feeling constant rejection and the other feeling constant guilt at not having sex. An occasional bonus sex can benefit both partners.
While quantity is the big dog in sex conversation, quality really rules when it comes to whether both partners actually like sex. Most men want to get to the "good part." Most women want to linger in the moment. The quality of sex is based on level of arousal and mutual satisfaction . Most of the time women do not want to be rushed into sex. For many, the cuddling and foreplay is more important than the act. This is even more true if the woman has trouble achieving orgasm during intercourse.
With this in mind, the man needs to learn to build a longer on ramp to sex. The old story of flowers, gifts, dinner, and a night out can enter in at this point. Make the experience feel like a romantic date. Set the mood. The quality of the outcome can depend on the thought invested beforehand. Routine behavior does not often lead to good sex. If the man is the one with diminished drive, then something more domestic and forward may be the ticket for the wake up call.
Allow enough time for the act while both parties are still awake and have enough energy to move forward. In other words, start early. This may require rearranging schedules and dropping the kids off for supper with family or friends. Unless you are a hopeless night owl, you need to ready start the physical side of sex by eight or nine in the evening. Plan for at least an hour or two for this physical encounter. You do not have to go through this every time, but once or twice per month to keep the fires burning is not unreasonable.
Sex is often an investment of time, emotion, and energy in another individual. Because the aspect of family development, the potential for disease, and compatibility issues people tend to like to find a single sex partner to be with for a long time. This raises the need for a relationship to hooked to sexual interest.
It is often true that without the potential for a stable ongoing relationship people do not want to make the sex investment. As relationships age, men and women can lose interest in sex if they do not see a permanent relationship in front of them. Unfortunately, this can sometimes become a self-fulfilling prophesy. One partner withholds sex because of doubts in the relationship. Frustration builds in the other partner until he or she decides to leave.
Working on your relationship with your partner can do much to improve or sustain your sex life. People need to feel that sense of being wanted and loved. Anything that is done in this direction is a positive. Seeing your partner as a person and not just in the role they fill can be helpful, also. It can be easy to see the other person as a housekeeper or breadwinner. View them as a partner in all that you do and covey this to him or her. Laying out plans and goals that both can work toward gives the sense of continuity and stability. Stay as honest as possible with each other.
Strong relationship can and do lead to strong and mutually satisfying sex. Be willing to invest the time and work needed to keep your sex life alive. It will benefit you and your partner.
