If you're anything like us - busy, hard-working "fortysomethings" with far too many children - sex may have fallen way down your list of priorities. Even if you're not anything like us, when you've been together a while, sex can get dull. There are loads of how-to-make-love-to-the-same-man-for-ever type books around, recommending thousands of life-changing sexual techniques. So my man and I jumped straight in at the deep end and scoured the bookshelves for the latest and greatest. If we're going to do it all, we might as well be adventurous about it, we decided. And here, for your delight and delectation (and deridation quite possibly!) is what we discovered...
Tantric sex
What is it? Tantra (a word derived from the Sanskrit tanoti (to expand) is a spiritual method of yoga, developed in northern India and Tibet centuries ago. Used in sex, it aims to unite the individual with cosmic consciousness. How is it supposed to work? Using lots of special Tantric exercises - many of them breathing exercises - subtle energies are released and circulated in a certain way. Other exercises strengthen the body for better love-making. The exercises have great names: Riding The Tiger is my personal favourite! Intercourse is slow with limited thrusting. Orgasm isn't the be all and end all of the experience - pleasurable feelings of other kinds are what you should be after. Tantric sex is supposed to heighten your state of sexual awareness and guide you towards "oneness" with your lover.
What's supposed to happen? Sexual bliss, by all accounts.
What did happen? Doing the exercises proved so complicated and time-consuming that as soon as we got into bed we fell asleep. I'm sure, with practice though, it'd benefit anyone's sex life. But you need to have lots of time to spare and be really dedicated to achieve good results.
Repeat performance rating: 5/10, although I feel it's unfair to judge Tantric sex after having just one "go" of it. People who practice it have reported amazing improvements to their sex lives.
Cat (coital alignment technique)
What is it? Discovered by Edward W. Eichel and written about in a book called The Perfect Fit, the Coital Alignment Technique incorporates a sexual position which is said to be the ultimate for feminine pleasure. Apparently, according to sceptics, CAT is nothing new: it appeared in sex manuals which date back to the "50s. In those days, it was called "riding high'!
How is it supposed to work? The couple position themselves in the traditional missionary position (the man face to face with and on top of the woman), but with the man slightly further forward than usual. Instead of resting his weight on his forearms, he rests his upper body on the woman. There is no thrusting - just a gentle rocking. This makes both pelvises move in unison and creates pressure in all the "right" places.
What's supposed to happen? Perfect mutual passion.
What did happen? I got squashed! (My partner is six stone heavier than me.) It was quite difficult to choreograph and was far from spontaneous. After a while, we got bored and got ourselves into a more comfortable position.
Repeat performance rating: 1/10. The position is awkward and uncomfortable and wouldn't go out of our way to do it again. But it might work for a sturdier woman and a featherweight man!
Aphrodisiacal sex
What is it? The word "aphrodisiac" comes from the name of the Greek Goddess of Love Aphrodite. Aphrodisiacs are generally thought to be passion stimulants or prolongers, and include anything that might put you on the mood for love (millions of people swear by soft lights and Barry White), but they usually take the form of food or drink. According to Dr. Cynthia Watson, the author of the book Love Potions, aphrodisiacs can help couples "ascend the blissful peaks of "higher sex"." Perhaps, like Casanova, your man could fortify himself with a few pre-sex oysters and a cup of chocolate. Or maybe you could take a few hints from the Chinese and chow down a few seahorses before a romp! Other aphrodisiacs include peaches and figs (Japan), pomegranate (as recommended in the Kama Sutra), and the raw genitals of a kangaroo (those Aborigine women have stomachs of iron!). And foods that actually resemble male or female genitalia are often recommended.
How is it supposed to work? It's all terribly technical and physiological but basically, in our stress-plagued, alcohol-fuelled, pollution-filled lives, our endocrine (glandular) system doesn't function as it should, causing a lowering of sex drive. Many traditional aphrodisiacs specifically nourish and strengthen the endocrine system.
What's supposed to happen? You indulge in the aphrodisiacs, then get the rampant horn!
