Sexual addiction is a very destructive and death threatening disease. When people think of a sexual addict, they see a person who wants sex all of the time. The truth is that it goes deeper than just the want for sex but the reason we want sex all of the time. What is this need that we have that has to be fulfilled and why?
As a child, I saw how my biological mother got what she wanted from men and women by giving her body to them. Often while my brothers and sister were at school, and her husband was at work; my mother would bring men and women into the apartment to have sex with them. Sometimes she was behind closed doors where I would hear her in the next room and other times, the men wanted me to sit there and watch them.
Many of the men and women would give me money and things to make me happy as long as I kept my mouth shut and didn't tell anyone what was happening with my mother. My mother thought it was nice of them and also told me to stay shut and not say anything.
As my siblings grew and went their separate ways, I was left behind with my mother. Being the youngest of five children and 8 year younger, my siblings were out of the house way before I even reached my teen years. When I did reach 13, they were all in college or out of the house. Not sure if they even knew what our mother had been doing all of these years. Not sure they cared.
At the age 13, my mother bought a man to our home while my father worked evenings. This man was very handsome and treated me very kindly. He often would bring me treats, clothes and sometimes gave me money. In return, my mother would let him touch my privates in front of her while she touched her self. We never did have sex but that act itself was enjoyable to me.
Looking back, I believe that was the beginning of my sexual addiction. I loved being watched, watching others and being treated like a queen when I gave these people what they wanted. Until they had enough of me and went away, then I felt used and had to find my next fix. This is when I realized I was addicted. My mother made me think that giving people sex is they want to get their love and affection. I wasn't taught anything else.
Married for years now I still feel unloved and unwanted on the nights my husband doesn't have sex with me. We could have sex every night but if it gets too boring or too quick; soon I believe it's because he doesn't want me anymore and will soon leave me. I've been tempted to cheat on my husband both with men and women but what helps me is the fact that my husband reminds me we made a vow in front of God and to each other. I love my husband very much and will try my best to make things work with him. Sex addiction is like any other addiction. The minute you start again, the probabilities of you stopping is probably not a possibility.
