2. Sexuality: How you behave
When we refer to sexuality, for the purposes of hypnotherapy, we are referring to aspects of behavior in all areas, not just with respect to sexual activity. Starting about the age of nine years, we begin to turn our attention more outward, and this coincides also with the onset of puberty. We notice the behavior of our secondary caregiver, usually our father but not always, and we see how he behaves toward our mother and toward us. Is he affectionate, outgoing, and physically demonstrative? Or is he stoic, reserved and undemonstrative? Does he display his feelings openly? Or is he closed, perhaps difficult to read?
Someone who is openly demonstrative, physically affectionate, proud of his body to the point of dressing to display it, and very much in touch with his physical self is what we would call a physical sexual. A physical sexual grew up in an environment where there was an abundance of physical affection, where it was safe or even encouraged to show feelings, to display emotion, to engage in physical relationships and to seek attention.
A physical sexual person places home and family first, relationships and lovers next, then hobbies and lastly, work and career. A man or a woman who is predominantly a physical sexual will seek to please a domestic partner, place a high value on home, family and relationships, while putting hobbies an career on the back burner. The physical sexual person will seek the rewards of physical contact, more frequent sexual encounters, and want to be reassured verbally of his or her importance in the lives of those around him (or her).
The physical sexual person will dress to be noticed, prefer team sports, seek attention whenever possible and will endeavor to fill the gap by pushing forward whenever he or she senses that there is withdrawal on the part of a spouse, lover, or friend. On the positive side, the physical sexual person is warmly affectionate, emotionally available and very much alive. On the extreme side, the physical sexual person is domineering, all-consuming, jealous, and constantly demanding attention.
It is worthy to note that the physical sexual person fears rejection most of all, and will do anything to prevent it. This person uses his body as a protection against painful emotional experiences and sensations, seeking reassurance by engaging in repeated sexual activity and through behavior intended to draw attention to himself. He will perceive the natural reticence of the emotional sexual person as rejection, even though it is not, and will actively seek feedback from the object of his attention, oblivious to the fact that his very persistence is what is creating the resistance he so wants to avoid.
The emotional sexual person is the complement to the physical sexual, placing work and career first, hobbies next, followed by family, friends and lovers, in that order. The emotional sexual person “dresses down”, not seeking to draw attention to himself generally. His goal is to protect himself from uncomfortable emotional feelings by denying them. He grew up in an environment where showing emotion was not permitted and physical displays of affection were absent. He therefore will avoid situations and people who demand an emotional response from him. He may regard the sex act merely as a release rather than as a primary way to connect with another person.
No one is 100% emotional or physical sexual, but rather a combination of both with one being more dominant than the other. Unlike suggestibility, sexuality can change over time and depending on the situation. If two people are attracted and there is chemistry or they fall in love, both of them will exhibit more physical sexual traits than at other times. If a physical sexual person is rejected either in love or in a social environment, he may react by exhibiting more emotional traits as a defense against the hurt.
The most aware and socially skilled among us will recognize the presence of both sets of traits and use them to the best advantage when the situation arises. For example, a physical sexual woman, given to dressing provocatively and flirting freely, may realize that this is not appropriate if she is to climb the corporate ladder. She can tap into her inner emotional and dress conservatively, toning down her flirtatiousness as well. By doing that, she allows herself to be more focused on career advancement.
There are numerous other traits that identify physical vs. emotional sexuality. Essentially, what emerges is that the two behavioral divisions are complementary to each other. For example: the emotional is reserved, while the physical wants attention, even to the point of being theatrical. The emotional is career-oriented while the physical is more driven by relationships. The emotional will enjoy sexual activity, but it is viewed as more of a release than an emotional experience. The physical sexual enjoys all aspects of sexual activity, as it supplies a medium for getting attention and establishing a concrete connection to another person. The physical sexual (male and female) desires to prolong sexual activity as this means reinforcement of the physical (and subsequently emotional) connection.
