Virtual Infidelity: Cybersex Addiction

Detection of Cybersex Compulsivity

A spouse suspecting online infidelity may enter counseling without much physical evidence, unlike a spouse who has reason to suspect real-time affairs. Thus, both therapists and partners need to be aware of early warning signs.

Warning signs of cybersex addiction

1. Change in sleep patterns, such as late night or early morning activity.
2. A demand for privacy, such as greater secrecy about internet usage.
3. Other responsibilities ignored, such as home maintenance or family activities.
4. Evidence of lying, such as hiding credit card and telephone bills, or making promises to cut back on internet usage.
5. Personality changes, such as mood swings, blaming, or brooding.
6. Loss of interest in sex, which means sex with the partner, although there may be hyper sexuality or excessive masturbation outside of the partnership.
7. Declining investment in the relationship, evidence by failure to participate in familiar rituals, vacations, or to talk about long-range plans.

Assessment

Besides the warning signs, there must be instruments for assessment of the severity of the cybersex problem. Is it sex addiction or cybersex addiction? Is it ongoing or a one-time fling? There are many instruments available online (of course), but one most commonly used to determine if compulsivity exists is the Kalichman Sexual Compulsivity Scale.

Kalichman Sexual Compulsivity Scale

1. My sexual appetite has gotten in the way of my relationships.
2. My sexual thoughts and behaviors are causing problems in my life.
3. My desires to have sex have disrupted my daily life.
4. I sometimes fail to meet my commitments and responsibilities because of my sexual behavior.
5. I sometimes get so horny that I lose control.
6. I find myself thinking about sex while at work.
7. I feel that my sexual thoughts and feelings are stronger than I am.
8. I have to struggle to control my sexual thoughts and behavior.
9. I think about sex more than I would like to.
10. It has been difficult for me to find sex partners who desire having sex as much as I want to.

Also, there are abundant self-report measures online, and they can be accessed through websites belonging to sexual recovery institutes and 12 Step programs. Some of them are listed in the table below.

Online Self-Report Measures

1. Cybersexual Addiction Test.
2. Online Sexual Addiction Questionnaire.
3. Male Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST)
4. Women's Sexual Addiction Screening Test
5. Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) Test
6. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) Test
7. Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA)
8. The S-Anon Checklist

(Vigorito, 2007)

Interventions

Once the cybersex compulsion is out in the open, and both partners are to be prepared for recovery, the first step is to improve interpersonal communication. The difficulty for the partner who has come to terms with the addiction is that there is a tendency to first enable the addict by rationalizing that the behavior is “just a phase”. They will also go to great lengths to conceal the problem from family and friends. The partner's own codependency may emerge, revealing deep fears of abandonment, histories of abuse, prior infidelities, and these issues may disempower the partner from dealing directly with the violation (Brady, 2007).

The abundance of 12 Step programs available for different forms of sex addiction attests to the severity and prevalence of the problem, as well as the recognition for the need to provide assistance the addict and the victims within the addict's environment. The paradox with 12 Step programs is that they advocate abstinence, yet they offer their help online. This implies that the internet takes on the role of both the destroyer and the savior.

Behavioral Telehealth, a technology-based system for online health care delivery, has been in use in limited fashion since 2000, but there are legal and ethical complications associated with online psychological counseling. Confidentiality, credentialing, licensing, and overall quality of patient care are not as easily regulated when catapulted into cyberspace. This is particularly important in the case of sexual addiction, since the exposure of this information beyond the therapeutic relationship could be devastating to more than the patient alone.

Often, cybersex compulsivity is called the crack cocaine of sexual addiction. A chemical dependency model is used to treat crack cocaine addiction. A compulsive behavioral model, then can be used to treat cybersex addiction. This involves the use of cognitive behavioral therapy and peer support. This also assumes that any comorbidities are treated accordingly, with pharmaceuticals and co-therapies as needed (Orzack, 1999).

Cybersex addiction is similar to eating disorders in that the most appropriate treatment cannot have absolute abstinence as its goal. Although the computer is not essential to the sustenance of life, as is food, it is essential to living, as the technology is required in school and in the workplace. Treatment must therefore concentrate on helping people moderate inappropriate behavior rather than eliminate it.

CBT works in the premise that thoughts determine feelings. The patients learn to recognize thoughts so that they can identify the trigger points for inappropriate computer behavior. On a case-by-case basis, the therapist and patient determine what activities can be successfully substituted for the inappropriate ones. This plan must be collaborative and aims for small changes each outpatient session.