Virtual Infidelity: Cybersex Addiction

Inpatient treatment is highly structured and lasts from 28 to 42 days. Multimodal approaches can be used in this environment and the family or partner is included in the therapy during this time. Patients disclose long-held secrets, engage in role plays, expressive art therapy, and use integrative body therapy to strengthen the body-mind connection and address dissociative conditions. Support groups, experiential therapies and EMDR are used as well, to integrate the whole person. Neurochemical processes are stabilized through psycho pharmacology and a balanced diet that stresses natural foods and no caffeine.

Ultimately, the final goal is to create emotional intimacy with a partner, family and the self. The online romantic experience is actually isolating and limits emotional intimacy. The addiction fosters depersonalization and objectification and the quality of the fantasy life makes the real life pale by comparison. Co-morbid conditions that flourish in the presence of the addiction (drug use, depression, alcohol abuse, eating disorders) become more problematic in the absence of the cybersex release, and must be addressed as they present. Cybersex addiction is an extremely potent addiction and must be treated as such (Weiss, 2007)

Analysis

The material presented here represents the research findings of the most prominent figures in the field of sexual recovery, a relatively new field that has been severely impacted by the introitus of the internet as a source of addictive material. There is increasing awareness of this dangerous addiction, and a burgeoning field of research is being developed. The implications of the problem extend well beyond what has been presented here, and in all likelihood, what is available in the way of literature addresses only the tip of the iceberg, as the problem of promulgation of erotica on the internet can only increase, while the quantity and variety of material online continue to grow at an exponential rate. What is most disturbing is that the children exposed today to internet addiction through the activities of their parents, will become the adult addicts and offenders of tomorrow.

Summary: Cybersex Compulsivity

Cybersex compulsivity is a recent entrant to the bevy of impulse control disorders that can affect persons with a history of childhood abuse, dissociative tendencies, OCD spectrum disorders, and access to a computer. It is a correlate to sex addiction, since it involves sexual behavior, but its real function appears to be the fostering of fantasy and the opportunity to act on the fantasy in a forum whose breadth and range had hitherto been unimaginable. The ACE model of Anonymity, Convenience and Escape as a driving force behind the addiction provides a framework to explain the underlying cyber-cultural dynamics that reinforce the virtual erotic activities.

The advantage to the participant is the ease of access, the belief that there is little or no risk of discovery, that there is no real infidelity or illicit behavior taking place, since it is all done in a virtual context, and the feeling of safety, desirability, and immediate intimacy. The reinforcing aspects of this instant gratification of desires and fantasies create an extremely powerful addictive force that allows the cybersex compulsive to dissociate completely into a virtual world where dysphoric states can be neurochemically altered at will, without the input of other chemical substances. The fact that the participant must engage in increasing amounts of cyber activity to achieve the same degree of emotional release has led cybersex to be called the crack cocaine of behavioral addictions.

The effects on the participant can be severe, ranging from loss of relationships to loss of source of income, as well as depression and a sense of isolation, as increasing amounts of time are spent on the computer to the avoidance of all else in the participant's life. Sleep disorders, eating disorders, self-injury (from excessive masturbation), and withdrawal follow increasing use of the computer for sexual fantasy gratification.

The effects on the families of the cybersex compulsives are equally if not more devastating, as partner experiences abandonment, loss of self-esteem, depression, co-addiction, rage, jealousy, betrayal, horror, disgust, and finally, escape from the relationship through divorce or separation. Children exposed to cybersex compulsivity either within the family or through others, experience shock, horror, and loss of respect for the offender, but may also be led into the same addictive behavior, as well as becoming promiscuous, dissociative, and at risk for sexual abuse by others.

Partners of cybersex abusers enter a pre-recovery period upon discovery of the real reason behind the addict's loss of interest in sex, loss of intimacy with the partner, the lying, betrayal, and alteration of mood and behaviors. This period can last for years as the partner endeavors to “fix” the addict, to re-engage the addict in real-time activities, and to re-establish some level of intimacy. The partner may undergo plastic surgery, expand the frequency and variety of the sexual repertoire, or deliver threats and ultimatums demanding that the addict cease all internet activities. None of this usually has any effect on altering the addict's behavior, other than to drive it further underground.