Virtual Infidelity: Cybersex Addiction

Implications for Clinical Practice

Unlike other behavioral compulsions, like gambling, control of cyber usage cannot be approached from an abstinence model because, like food, the technology is needed in daily life, specifically in schools and in the workplace. What makes cybersex compulsivity difficult to diagnose is the fact that it can be so easily hidden from view, since the symptoms of cybersex compulsion match symptoms of many other disorders. The cyber offender is also not likely to admit to it in therapy or to family, partly because of shame, but mostly because of the dissociative aspect of the experience. The addict does not believe a problem exists, and tends to place blame for his partner's distress on his partner.

The appearance of sexual anorexia (also known as sexual aversion), loss of libido, or loss of intimacy in a relationship tends to be misdiagnosed and treated as such, when in fact, the addict is very active sexually, even hyper sexual. This activity takes place in front of the computer, or with others offline, rather than with the partner. There are several measures designed to assess for cybersex compulsivity, and the therapist must suspect that in a partner when a couple presents for therapy and one or both of the partners complains of a loss of sexual activity in the relationship. Because of the relative newness of this disorder, this is rarely the first line of investigation by the therapist as treatment profiling begins.

The technology, far from going away, is expanding, and its use is increasing. So are the numbers of users who spend more and more time each day online for work, school, recreation, and sex. Using a model for behavioral addiction similar to that used for eating disorders, treatment of the addict must include psycho pharmacological management to restore neurochemical balance, cognitive behavioral therapy to bring awareness of thoughts and behavioral triggers, substitution behaviors to replace the use of the internet for sex, and group fellowship in the form of 12-Step programs for long term maintenance of the addict's appropriate behavioral states.

Most important is the need for involvement of the family in the recovery process, since the family has been injured by the addict's behaviors. Co-dependency issues that accompany the addict's behaviors must be addressed in the partners if the recovery is to succeed. The children who have been exposed to the addict's cybersex compulsivity must be treated for their at-risk condition, to prevent the legacy of sexual acting out from passing to the next generation.