What is Good Sex?

What is a prime component of good sex? In my opinion, respect is a major part of a good sexual relationship. With in this paper, I will use examples from Belliotti and Nelson to show that without respect any sexual relationship will not only be morally questionable, but also not in keeping with either the Christian or secular moral concepts.

Good sex has many requirements, but the most important requirement is respect from both parties that are involved. This element of respect often gets taken for granted in relationships due to many other factors that also need to be present for the dynamic of good sex. Within the contextual basis of sexual activity, respect for and from all parties is required to formulate the perfect situation. Having sexual respect means that each party asks questions to the other in order to establish a verbal understanding in which there are no assumptions on either side.

Raymond Belliotti resonates with this viewpoint in his article Good Sex: Perspective on Sexual Ethics (Belliotti, 195). He holds a secular view on the correlation between good sex and respect. His view also extends into what is considered to be morally permissible sex. Belliotti constructed a formula, which consists of five levels. This formula was intended to quantify the morality of any situation that includes sexual activity between two or more parties. I think the reason that Belliotti created this formula was to provide a guideline for what constitutes ethical sex. The sexual morality quotient is expressed like this: LA x ( MC + SE + TP + ½ SC).

Now let us examine the five levels of the sexual morality quotient and how each relates to sexual respect. The first tier encompasses the libertarian agreement (LA). This agreement emphasizes that the “paramount values are individual freedom and autonomy” according to Belliotti (Belliotti, 195). In order to have individual freedom and autonomy, respect is required. If this element is present, then an individual is able to make their own choices and have the ability to act on them in any sexual situation. Tier two considers general moral considerations (MC) with a sexual situation in mind. This just means that every time there is a possibility of a sexual occurrence, all parties have a duty to respect the other party involved with verbal communication. The next level in the quotient considers the element of sexual exploitation (SE). This is where one or more of the parties are in a position of vulnerability. Having respect for the individual in that potential situation means not allowing certain things to happen. A good example of this type of moral consideration would be not dating some one right after leaving another relationship. The fourth tier is targeted at third party effects (TP). Third party effects are what affect every other person around the involved parties. This is where the involved persons need to be considerate and have respect for the others around him or her that are being affected. Finally, the last level involves wider social consequences (SC). This is a concern for society at large. All people involved need to consider the consequences and ultimately society will judge how ethical they are.

James Nelson also echoes the fact that good and morally permissible sex should include respect by both involved parties. Nelson uses Christian moral concepts to explain his view further in the publication Embodiment (Nelson, 11). What he says is that God is ever present in everything, including an individual's sexual experiences. Looking at the human experience, Nelson talks about alienation. Alienation not only refers to the self, but also to the alienation of others and God. When a person alienates himself or herself, they have given up any good self-concepts about their body or themselves. An individual can also practice alienation from others and God. This is where they draw themselves away from God and others. Nelson believes that sexual alienation is the problem and salvation is the cure (Cates, 2/11/08). The key to this salvation is fully accepting God's grace. When this happens, it opens the gateway for good sex. Accepting salvation also means that an individual is respecting themselves, others, and most importantly God.

In closing, respect is a major component of good and morally permissible sex. There are many ways that all parties involved can show respect to one another. Each individual can make a verbal agreement to one another as to what is expected if a sexual situation were to arise. Both Belliotti and Nelson resonate with the argument that good sex needs respect. Belliotti uses a secular viewpoint to explain his sexual morality quotient, while Nelson uses Christian moral concepts to explain his view of respect, sex and alienation. Both of these viewpoints are in line with my argument. Each person approaches the argument from a different perspective, but no matter what view is taken, one thing is clear. Respect is an essential element for good and ethical sex.