Before having children, the woman can be more carefree and their focus is entirely on their husband. They have more time and more energy. When they have children, they have less energy, less time for their husbands and their focus is mainly on caring for the child and sex typically would become not much of a priority in their lives.
Besides all of these things changing, women also have biological changes that can affect their sex drive. Initially when having the child, their hormones are still a little off balance and thus it's like having a long-term pre-menstrual cycle. The woman is very moody and unsure of how she is supposed to behave now that she has a child. The other thing the woman may be a little frightened of is having sex right after having a child for fear of pain. Your body has to heal and will be sore right after childbirth and sex will feel a little uncomfortable. Most men do not understand why the woman behaves differently after childbirth and it's important for the either the women or the doctor to explain the various changes to the husband.
One of the other things that change the woman's want for sex is due to their physical appearance. A woman's body definitely changes when you are carrying a child in your belly for 9+ months. Your skin stretches, you can get stretch marks, you gain weight and after you have the baby, your belly is still big, your breasts are leaking milk and hurt if you decide not to breast feed, you still have some of the weight gain from the pregnancy, none of your normal clothes fit and neither does the maternity clothes. All of these factors, will make a woman feel a little insecure about her looks. The woman may feel she is unattractive to her husband or to herself. Many women will get depressed because they don't know how to handle these changes.
Ladies, if you are reading this; please know that the best way to getting back to a more normal is by having sex with your husband. Sex not only is a form of exercise for all of your body but it will also make your abdomen go back to normal quicker. Additionally, your hormones and menstrual cycle will become balanced. Lastly, your husband will be satisfied sexually and won't feel left out. Yes sex will be a little uncomfortable in the beginning, use a little lubricant and you will fell less discomfort.
Another suggestion, don't worry about your clothes, just buy yourself a couple of stretch skirts and pants that fit your body at the time. Don't stop dressing up because you are now a mom and tired. Remember you are a new mom but you are still a wife. Take walks with the baby so that you get your cardio and the baby gets fresh air. A little exercise will give you self confidence because you are doing something to lose the weight and get your body back into shape. The confidence, will also bring back the sex appeal that you think you may have lost.
70% of the time, the husbands feel bad that the wives are going through all of these changes and will not even complain about the lack of sex for fear of adding more responsibilities to their list. Many of these husbands actually find their wives more sexually appealing because they just had their child. This unfortunately, will make them more frustrated because they want you more. On the negative side, for the other 30%, the husbands feel left out, unappreciated, unloved and pushed away.
Women who have children have a huge responsibility and need to understand the responsibilities towards her family before getting pregnant. Some women believe that the idea of being a mother is a wonderful thing until they have a child and realize it is such a huge responsibility because it is not only the child you are responsible to fulfill their desires but your husband too. You cannot forget to fulfill either or either negligence can be detrimental to either relationship. A wife/mother has to have some kind of an equal balance to keep their family life happy and balanced.
Husbands on the other hand when they have their children, must also understand, they too have to make a change in their lives. They must share their wives time with their children. They cannot be selfish but understanding. Men also must understand the various changes that will happen after you have a child before they actually have a child.
Ultimately, the bottom line is communication. Before you have a child, spend time with your spouse for at least 2-3 years. These are the years that will give you the opportunity to learn about your spouse. Don't rush into having children. It is important that man and women know, understand and become friends with each other before bringing a child into the mix. Read up on the changes that women and men go through during and after childbirth.
