Why Wait

The wedding bells, the white dress, the ring and vows are just the beginning of a night filled with passionate sex. Yes, the honeymoon and wedding night, but again, the same passionate sex that would be had anytime prior to marriage. But this formality and symbol of union have always been and always will be the center of the age old question, “is waiting until marriage for sex best?” A long lived controversy over when the time is right to have sex stems from religious beliefs and personal values. All present even in the 21st century are the parent-child discussions of waiting until marriage to have sex, the medical-patient lectures of health issues from sex before marriage and the overbearing church-individual pressures of abstinence until marriage. A time in which media, music and literature all reflect sexuality in many different lights; casual and loose but also a natural union between two people in love. Is there an answer that suits everyone? An overlying rule or obligation we must all follow? Ultimately it is the individual's choice.

I have nothing at all against those who wait until marriage to have sex, I respect them for their personal strength and loyalty to their beliefs, but what I do not agree with are those who believe waiting until marriage is the only way to go. The narrow mindedness of individuals who feel there is only one “right” path to follow are afraid of what they do not know, afraid of doing something so taboo. It's kind of like the abortion issue, you are either pro-life or pro-choice. It isn't pro-abortion, just like this issue isn't pro-sex before marriage. It is pro-choice.

After doing some research, I found two overlying reasons that support waiting until marriage. The largest and most obvious reason being religious influence and the second being health risks. Both very important and valued concerns, yet do not reflect any basis for an all encompassing "rule" or ideal for all of the world. Since we are at a Catholic university I found this bit of information quite relevant, “Roman Catholicism teaches that sex before marriage is a mortal sin,” from columnist Jessica Steinmetz. Yes, a mortal sin, which to me sounded quite serious, so as I shook in my boots I looked it up to see the extent of my risk. Webster's Dictionary tells me that a mortal sin is, “A sin, such as murder or blasphemy, that is so heinous it deprives the soul of sanctifying grace and causes damnation if unpardoned at the time of death.” Shocking, so many of us are at risk of damnation, and the act of sex before marriage equates to murder. If this raises a red flag in your head as it did for me, I highly suggest you take this columnists stated advice, “If you have had sex without being married, try to go to confession as soon as possible.” (Steinmetz) Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating a little bit and using sarcasm, but the point is, some people are extreme on the issue. And they support these extreme beliefs with what they've learned through Catholicism. Oh how crowded the church pews would be if the priests knew what went on at weekends, even here at our religiously sprinkled university.

The main religious point about sex is a moral issue; one in which a foundation of marriage being present makes it perfectly acceptable. There are many references in the bible to sexual immorality and having the honor of being pure until marriage. First we see the judgment of God in Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” In Corinthians we see another example, Corinthians 6:9 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders...” It is quite obvious to me, why those who hold strong faith and live their lives by every word in the bible would honor the tradition of waiting until marriage, the seemingly threatening statements and shameful references make sex to be an unnatural and sinful act.

Before even questioning beliefs on sex before marriage, there needs to be an established idea about sex.. Is it truly a dirty, naughty act that we don't tell our parents about or talk about at church? Is sex always sinful and unsafe? The answer is No to both of the above questions. To everyone sex is different, it means something all on its own each time. Sex is the union of two people, and when acted upon in good judgment, it is the union between two people who love each other and are committed and trusting of one another. When sex is cherished and appreciated and shared between two people, it can be a very spiritual act. The true union, being completely mindless, yet aware of every second of the experience brings you to a higher level of spirituality. Yet, sex and spirituality is something is a whole other subject that we could go on for even further. My basis for sex is better said as love making. An act that brings two individuals deeper into a relationship and is far from a sin, but a human need and desire, that must be acted upon in the most responsible of ways. It is the self disrespect and rather unsafe tendencies of casual sex, one night stands and prostitution that give sex a bad name. This case of unsafe sex leads us right into the second issue against sex before marriage; health.