Why Wait

There have been an overwhelming number of aids prevention campaigns and HIV/AIDS awareness in the last few years. The numbers show that 50% of the people who have HIV/AIDS are between the ages of 15 and 24, and condoms only protect from HIV 85% of the time(Jasper). These issues arise more frequently in the casual and unprotected acts of sex, rather then long term relationships involving sex. The argument is that if you have sex after marriage you aren't likely to be one of the million people in the US who have contracted AIDS because you know the one and only person you have had sex with and don't need to worry about the things you don't know about other sex partners. I do agree that waiting until marriage will lower your chances of getting an incurable disease, but I also feel that can be prevented by open and honest communication, preparation and simple good judgment. Get tested, know who you're sleeping with and make good choices. The marriage documents will not do anything to protect you further from HIV/AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease.

One must understand both sides of every argument before taking a position on the issue. Waiting until marriage for sex has already been covered, now lets take a look at the other end of the spectrum. Supporting sex before marriage is simply having an openness to sex while in a relationship. No matter what any person, religious or otherwise thinks, sex is a natural part of life, the part of life that allows the world to keep on moving and existing. We all have the hormones and chemical reactions inside of us that create the urges and desires to be fulfilled through sex (Wright, Dickey), I mean, look at our anatomy, we are built to have sex. And to take it even further to its origination, we can even look at the animal world; no marriage documents or signed papers, simply the instincts to reproduce and create pleasure. We are, after all, distant relatives of those four legged and often times furry animals.

Saving sex until marriage sends out the message that sex is a very important and special thing, deserving its own time of unveiling, such as the wedding night. And yes, sex is extremely special and cherished, but sex isn't going to be special between just any two people. And what is the only way to tell if sex will be special between you and your significant other? By having sex, simple as that. Sex can bring two people together in more then just a physical sense, it can bring people together emotionally and spiritually, in the same way it can bring people apart by lack of passion and chemistry. This connectedness and oneness is important in the growth of a relationship, so finding out your compatibility sooner is better then a last minute surprise.

There are a couple of reasons, coming from a women's point of view, why you should not wait until your wedding night to have sex. First, it is not the easiest and most fun thing your first time, there is a tiny bit of pain involved and you don't get the amazing pleasure out of it at first. How romantic of a honeymoon will it be when you are walking bow-legged and sore, in addition to a bit of a let down in not reaching euphoria with your husband. A second reason is the possibility of it not being what you expected. What if you feel disappointed and awkward or like it isn't enough? Well, you have just vowed to a life with this person and this is the sex you will be having for that lifetime.

A lot of people will likely say that sex isn't everything, when in fact it is when you look at a marriage. This is why having someone that you can be comfortable with, have fun with and experience sex in a positive way with is very important. This though, does not mean to sleep with every person you see just to look for the right one. Simply means that knowing more before marriage is better then surprises after marriage.

Even though there are health risks of sex, whether before or after marriage, there are also health benefits of sex. Author of Superimmunity, Paul Pearsall a PH.D, states that “sex helps the immune system by increasing the flow of certain chemicals in the body.” Further said, editor of Men's Health magazine, Hugh O'Neill lists the health benefits of sex; Sex provides many of the same benefits of exercise, including improved cholesterol and increased circulation, and at a certain level may decrease risk for prostate problems. In men it increases the flow of testosterone which strengthens bones and muscles. When it comes to the health of a relationship, sex causes the body to release oxytocin, which provides the nurturing instincts and feelings of attraction. A more common body chemical that is released are endorphins which gives a sense of a high and decreases pain. If those aren't enough benefits for you, how about knowing that a neuropsychologist in Scotland, Dr. David weeks, has done much research and studies and determines that it may cause you to live longer, slowing down the aging process (Cotrwright).

I, as most of us do, have parents who are very strong believers in waiting until marriage to have sex. And as far as I know or would like to know, waited until marriage and even then had sex only two times; my conception as well as my sisters. Having conservative parents who never gave me a sex talk, but simply said that we are “supposed to wait until we are married to have sex,” has led me to find my own way while still holding and valuing my morals and beliefs. A way my parents originally did not approve of, but have realized that there is no one solution for everyone.

Sex is not taboo or wrong or sinful. If thought about mindfully and acted upon responsibly, it is no where near as bad for our health as drugs or alcohol and not even as bad as eating fatty foods, in fact it is probably much better for you because of the calories you burn. But back to the topic, I think the fact that sex is often shunned upon, leaves a lot of room for exploration and curiosity, leading to sex when one is not ready. This lack of knowledge often leads to people having unprotected sex and casual sex not realizing the emotional and health risks and toll it will take on your life. Awareness and open communication will better prepare us to make our own decisions in the best way possible based on our individual situations and beliefs. After all, before or after marriage isn't the only question that needs to be answered.