Men may think they hold the monopoly on anxiety about being able to perform the between the sheets, but women rank equally in their fears about so many other aspects of The First Time.
We look fat. Yes, that old chestnut. If you catch us on a fat day, there's practically zero chance of getting it on. How do you tell it's a fat day? We're wearing layers of clothes, possibly including some kind of tunic or a cardigan. We may be in black. We may be avoiding cuddles, and giving the impression that something is wrong (it is, we're fat today). Or finally, we are actually getting fat.
We look fat and you're going to want to leave the light on. A possible compromise is subtle downlighting or coloured bulbs that soften the look.
We must be easy if we have condoms. What sort of women must we be if we're so obviously up for it? It could only be worse if we carry flavoured ones or a multipack. So we'll pretend not to know if we have any or not.
We must be easy of we do it too early in the relationship. It's just judging when is too early…we like it just as much as you do, we just don't want to let on yet. Why does it have to be so complicated with you blokes?
The First Time. Unless we've had quite a lot of alcohol, the first time is always a nightmare because a) if we're rubbish you won't come back or b) if you're rubbish you won't come back.
We're wearing massive, oddly coloured underwear, or tights, when the moment happens, and we have to make our excuses before rushing around in secret trying to remedy the situation.
We haven't had a chance to shower or check hygiene, you know, down there, when the moment happens and a similar scenario to no6 will then occur.
You will want to do weird stuff. We aim to please and if we really like you it will be hard to say no, but why do you like to do that particular thing that you like?
We will need the toilet at your house. Watch your loo paper disappear by the roll as we make a layer in the pan to soften the noise.
You'll get bored with doing it with us. Men like to sow their oats, right? So how dirty do we have to be to keep your attention?
