I woke in a place that was foreign yet beautiful; there were lush gardens all around me. The flowers were all in full bloom in the most vivid of colors. The spectrum of colors so amazing that it was almost brought tears to me eyes. I was confused as to why I was in this garden all alone. I did not know how I got there or who I had traveled with, but I knew that I felt loving coming from all around me. Even the flowers seemed to be showering me with love and peace. I looked all around me and saw a dog running toward me in the distance. As he got closer I could see that he looked so much like my childhood pet, Tracer, that it brought tears of remembrance to me.
The dog stopped short as he got to my legs and immediately looked deep into my eyes and I knew then that it was Tracer. I didn’t know how that could be, he had died when I was 18 and he was at a ripe old age of 12. He was a strapping and muscular yellow lab, who in his older years had become less and less able to walk until the day he couldn’t even get out of the house and I had to make the decision to put him to sleep. I knew it was time because he looked at me in such a way that let me know that he could no longer be my companion. Our trip to the vet for his final procedure was met with tears by me, and a slow resignation by Tracer. I would swear to you though as the vet gave him the injection that would gradually stop his heart he looked at me in a way that was almost thankful that I was letting him go to a better place.
So, now why was Tracer standing at my hip as he always had looking as young and strong as he had during his adulthood? I was again confused by the place I was in I knew that I was being enveloped in unconditional love and acceptance. Slowly I saw another figure coming towards me who was vaguely familiar yet I couldn’t place the face, but I did know that the person was someone who I had known.
This figure approached and it was still impossible for me to place the face of the woman who was gazing lovingly at me. She spoke words of love as the approached and it was then that I knew that it was a young version of my grandmother, the woman who spent her retirement raising me when my own mother decided that her addiction was more important than her only child. I feel to my knees and held my grandmother, now knowing that I was standing in one of the many lush gardens of heaven. I wept, both for the love I had for my grandmother, and for the loss of my own life. It was then that she spoke again.
“My child, I love you now as I have always loved you, but you are not meant to be here now. This is the first step to come to the glory that is heaven, but it is not your time. Tracer and I have come to see you, and to tell you that we will be here when your time has come as we are here now. But you must do back. You have much left to do”
I cried harder then telling my Grandmother that I didn’t want to leave her again now that I had found her. Tracer was also still at my side absorbing the attention I was lavishing on him. I slowly remembered then that I had been in an accident; someone had run a red light and hit my car. I had no memory of anything else except coming to awareness in this garden where I was now realizing that I wasn’t meant to be just yet.
I spent more time with my grandmother and my dog, it felt like hours, but could have been seconds. I then felt myself being pulled away from them, like I was late and needed to be somewhere immediately. My grandmother have me a final hug and kiss on the forehead and told me that she would be with me everyday and we would be together again in heaven when the time was right. Tracer, for his part, followed me to the end of the garden where I stepped into a greenish light and immediately heard the beeping sounds of the monitor that was attached to me in the hospital.
My best friends and favorite family members were sitting at my bedside, speaking quietly and trying to include me in the conversation, I struggled to join the conversation. I heard someone say that I had been in the come for a week and they hoped that I would wake up soon. I focused all my energy then, and said a small prayer to my grandmother, who I knew was watching and opened my eyes and moved my hands.
This was the beginning of my total recovery from what could have been a fatal meeting with a drunk driver. It took time for my body to heal, but when I was well again I focused my energy on making the lives of everyone I met a little better. A smile here, holding a door there, reaching something for someone who was unable. I wanted to make a difference in the world that was still my own. I put my story of heaven on paper for my own recollection because my friends thought it was just a vivid dream.
But Tracer, my grandmother, and I will always know better
