An inspirational account of detoxing from an eight year journey on prescription meds.
The hardest part about not being on meds anymore is looking back over the 8 years I feel I've lost on them. Over 8 years I have dwindled down to total apathy. Apathy over art, friends, cleaning, life, everything. 8 years. Then WAM BAM I get locked up in the loony bin for losing my mind on Effexor equivalent Cymbalta and before I know what's even going on anymore I'm back in the world and off all meds. But the world has changed so much. Where was I? On meds.
Now that I'm off the meds I want to do stuff, go places, get a job, make things, & meet people. Also, while on meds I wanted to leave my husband. I thought he was the problem, but the problem was inside me! I see that now so clearly looking back but while on the meds, I didn't know.
I didn't realize I wasn't myself anymore. For years friends and family tried to tell me. They tried to figure out why. Some thought it was the marriage because I did. But I'm here to tell you, no, man, it was the meds!
They sucked me dry of my ambition and drive. They nearly killed my creativity and marriage. I'm astounded. And to think that all this time it was my general practioner giving me meds that altered my brain's chemistry, not a psychiatrist.
I realize now, especially since I finally have a real psychiatrist, just how wrong that was. My family is outraged and thinks those doctors should lose their licenses. I don't know if I agree with that or not but what I will say is this: if you're on meds, where did you get them? Are they working?
I recently heard of an individual that is doing really well on Cymbalta. Well, good for him! That's what it's all about: well being. If the drugs work, great! They just really didn't work for me and the problem with having the general practioner in charge is that they are not meeting you weekly to see how you're doing, to check in, make sure the drugs work. Instead the regular doctor will say things like, "And if you're feeling suicidal, call me." Well, I never felt suicidal! I was just, y'know, hallucinating for 3 months. That's all. I didn't even know what was going on nevermind have the ability to phone my doctor and say, "Hi there's a problem here. I'm talking to my dead grandmother and she's telling me to do things..." Yes. That happened. In retrospect it scares the crap out of me, but I vaguely recall it. (Most of my memories from the Cymbalta episode are gone, though. Thank god.)
Aside from crazy, the drugs before that made me exceedingly lazy. And that's just not the real me! I have an over active mind that conjures things up all the time from stories to necklaces. I have to be constantly doing something or I get down in the dumps (I'm not going to say depressed because that's a clinical term. I just get moody. Have something to do, yay. Don't have something to do, boo.)
I'm over energized and a tad OCD, but I let the apartment totally go (those of you who have been here & have known me the longest have seen the difference). Now that I'm off meds I'm cleaning again and taking care in my apartment's appearance. I'm doing Yoga again. The trick is to not let negative emotions get me too down. Everyone feels. Having feelings is a good thing. Especially for an artist because what is art other than expressed emotion?
My emotions have been surpressed too long.
I'm a bubbling spring of 8 years of emotion. Nay, a volcano erupting! I feel again and it's good to feel. Even on bad days. And trust me. It's not easy. It's hard to find your way back into the light of day after living in a drug fueled haze for 8 years. So cut me some slack! And thanks for reading...
Welcome Back! I believe we've turned into a drug society. Something wrong,we want a pill to fix it. It's easy. And there are so called doctors out there that are more than happy to give them to you. It's easy for them too and sometimes profitable. American medicine has become fix the symptoms,not cure the desease.Good Luck with your refreshed life!
#2 by Divine Elegance, Oct 11, 2008
Your story was great. There are some people aout there that truly need meds to cope with their problems. The usual stint on anti-depressants is six months. A least you realized you had a problem and treated. Some people out here with mental illnesses go undiagnosed, which leads to some serious life-altering situations. Stay blessed and take care!
#3 by Paul Kinzelman, Oct 11, 2008
Thank you for sharing your very personal journey with us about the importance of being skeptical about drugs. May it provide guidance for others as well.
We all have our own difficult journeys that may not appear very difficult from the outside. I'm reminded of the old Firesign Theater album title, "We're All Bozos on this Bus!" :-)
#4 by Eric Risdon, Oct 11, 2008
Hello, and thanks for sharing!! I hope your article helps someone in a similar situation to get better. As you wrote, I also wonder why general practitioners give out drugs that affect the chemical balance of the brain without a thourough follow-up... That should be reserved to psychologists...
Anyway, welcome back and enjoy your new life !!!
#5 by smorrissey, Oct 11, 2008
Hello Mel, nice article, me i have avoidant personality disorder (i think), what\'s that? \"Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection\" so i\'ve been on prozac 4 years and it helps a little but it\'s not enough now im getting rid of it cause my acne is back, im loosing more hair and i couldn\'t sleep well at night and i want to find out if prozac is to blame or not. whatever i still have my problem.
#6 by Solivia, Oct 11, 2008
I'm happy that you are through this, I wish I could stop all of mine. I am on Cymbalta, it works great for me, I wish it would work like that for everyone. The only side effect I had from it was it made me gassy as all get out for the first month I took it. Good luck to you, and for whatever it's worth to you, I wish you the very best.
#7 by seamus, Oct 12, 2008
Well said!
It takes courage to speak out today about mental health issues. But courage becomes leadership for people in a similar situation, and that's how we all move slowly toward a better world. We look after each other, and show the way when we can. Well said, Melissa!
#8 by Marc Stone, Oct 12, 2008
Excellent article. People should be even more wary if they are taking multiple medications prescribed by different doctors. Many times no one knows how these meds will interact with each other and if there is not one doctor responsible for analyzing potential interactions you could be in trouble.
#9 by HollyJo, Oct 12, 2008
Well put and congratulations... Makes you wonder how many people are taking meds unnecessarily that were prescribed by GPs?
#10 by John Lee, Oct 12, 2008
I think this is a great article. We should try to maintain our own mental and physical health through yoga, tai chi, meditation, prayer, exercise, and just trusting the Higher power.
When there is an emergency i.e. psychosis, then we need the help of a psychiatrist. We can't depend on doctors all the time even in physical illness.
#11 by v. essene, Oct 12, 2008
I like the article and also recommend a wonderful book called Breakthrough by Susanne Somer which gives extraordinary info on anti-aging and cutting edge life extending helpmates.
#12 by Melody Arcamo Lagrimas, Oct 12, 2008
You have written it well. Am glad you have finally left all those meds behind.
#13 by thestickman, Oct 12, 2008
Be wary of 'script-jockeys that love to write 'cures'. I think doctors abuse this waaaaay too much.
Good article.
-thestickman
#14 by marquita fox, Oct 13, 2008
i can totally relate i too am off all meds and after learning to live again,things that seemed so hard are so simple now!if you ever want to talk....
#15 by Di Osa, Oct 13, 2008
Congratulations. I'm off the meds, too, and though it is a daily challenge, I prefer to be conscious and try new things than to be in the "stupor". Exercise, healthy diet, discipline seem to be very good for me. Best of luck to you and thank you for sharing.
#16 by Barbara Clark, Oct 13, 2008
Congratulatons! I am very happy for you. You have written an important piece here. Don't look back on what you think you've missed--You wouldn't be here telling us this story, and in having that experience, you can focus on what truly makes you happy. All the best from this point forward!
#17 by Kim Buck, Oct 13, 2008
I believe that doctors abuse prescription "kick backs". In my mind, every prescription they write is $20 in their pocket - but that's just me. Welcome back and may you have continued success with your free mind.
#18 by Chellechen, Oct 13, 2008
I myself am on meds, and I feel the opposite from what you must have. my life improved. however, the problem with meds is that we're all different and some people need something a bit different than others.
i'm glad you're getting back on your feet. thanks for sharing this article. some people don't realize that meds may be doing the opposite of what they should.
#19 by Auntie, Oct 14, 2008
Good to have you back girl! I hope your article can be an inspiration for others.
#20 by Brian Daniel Stankich, Oct 14, 2008
Thank you, Melissa, for sharing your story. May you continue to make progress and move forward in life, building your love with your husband and excelling in your creativity in beautiful ways. I am cheering for you!
#21 by Lucas Dié, Oct 14, 2008
Great that you shared this with us. Thank you!
#22 by Peter Cimino, Oct 17, 2008
WOW...what a journey...Welcome back...and thank GOD for that! Continued success and progress...keep moving forward. I wish you all the best in the world!
