There’s a new phenomenon that seems worth investigating in this sometimes cold and impersonal world – Cuddle Parties. Started in 2004 in New York City, they are events where grown people in pajamas – most of them strangers -- cuddle up to each other, lying about the floor like a bunch of teenagers at a sleepover.
At first glance this seems like a weird idea, especially for anyone raised in a reserved, buttoned-up East Coast environment like me. To lie on the floor cheek to jowl with a bunch of strangers, in my jammies? No way you’d catch me doing something as touchy-feely as that.
However, the more I researched Cuddle Parties, the more they made sense, on a very basic level.
We humans are not that far removed from the days when we traveled in small groups or tribes, following the migrations of the animals that we hunted. We lived in close contact with each other, huddled around the campfire at night, and slept close to each other (both for warmth and as protection from predators). Our lives were filled with close physical contact, and it was a way of establishing bonds within our social groups. Monkeys and other mammals spend time each day grooming each other, and it’s a vital way of bonding (besides the obvious purpose of picking insects out of each other’s hair).
We need to be touched; it keeps us grounded, makes us feel peaceful and less alone.
Scientific studies have found that people who are touched frequently have lower blood pressure, less stress, and a more peaceful outlook on life. In this fast-paced, stressful world, those are qualities we all need.
Of course, cynics will say that Cuddle Parties are nothing but a bunch of people looking to pick up a sexual partner. With all those people lying around in their pajamas, they say, you can’t help but have some hanky panky going on.
Well, not really. The facilitators who run Cuddle Parties (yes, there are people who are trained to run these things) establish strict rules from the outset, and they make sure participants are following those rules. The rules include things like: pajamas must be kept on at all times; you must ask permission before you touch anyone; unless you get a clear “yes” from someone, you cannot touch them; you can say “no” anytime you want; you don’t have to cuddle at all if you don’t feel comfortable about it. The Cuddle Caddy or Cuddle Lifeguard who’s running the session walks around the room making sure nothing inappropriate is going on.
The touching at Cuddle Parties usually involves areas like the scalp, the face, the arms, and the shoulders. It’s a non-sexual way to satisfy the human need for closeness with other people. People leave these sessions feeling warm and happy, and some say it’s because of the surge of oxytocin, a hormone released in nursing mothers that helps them bond with their babies.
I can see a lot of value in Cuddle Parties in our touch-starved culture. Older people, especially those in nursing homes, could benefit from these sessions of closeness (of course, the parties would have to be modified for people who can’t get down on the floor easily). Cuddle Parties could bring the joy of closeness back to many people who are feeling alone and isolated.
So, will I let down my barriers and attend a Cuddle Party? I’m not sure. It would be a big step for somebody like me to lie down in my pajamas and let strangers touch me. But all in all, I can see that these parties satisfy a primal human need, and for that reason I just may give one a try.
