Adoption can seem incredibly scary and knowing what to expect or where to start is daunting. Understanding the types of options available to people wishing to adopt within the U.S. is the first step to deciding what type of adoption to pursue.
There are two main ways to adopt domestically; independent adoption and through the state. Which one is right for you is an entirely personal decision.
STATE ADOPTION
What It Is
When the state steps in and removes a child from their home, for reasons of abuse or neglect, he or she is placed in foster care. The parents are given a certain amount of time, as decided by each state, to change or mend whatever the court and the social worker deemed necessary. If in this amount of time the parents cannot do this and there is no family member with whom to place the child permanently, that child will become eligible for adoption. An agency licensed through the state handles these types of adoptions.
Pros
Adopting a child from foster care is a truly marvelous thing for any person to do. There are children of all ages, many siblings, waiting in group homes or being shuffled from temporary foster home to foster home. Some are lucky enough to be able to stay with a relative while they wait, others stay in institutions. These children have had unstable, unpredictable lives and long for nothing more than a family who loves them. With guidance and support these children thrive.
At the end of 2005 the U.S. Department of Health and Family Services had 115,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted. (here
) While the bureaucracy and red tape of a state adoption can be a hair pulling frustration, you will most likely welcome a child into your home in two years or less. With all the children waiting in foster care and not enough families to go around, state adoption can be a safe bet.
Another amazing benefit to state adoption is the minimal cost. The state benefits in paying for the necessary legal work of adoption rather than paying a foster home a monthly stipend to care for the child. Most states also offer adoptive families a monthly stipend for children labeled special needs.
Cons
These children have experienced trauma to varying degrees and you must be willing to parent through the many issues that can arise depending on the severity and extent of the abuse. Many children have family members they wish to maintain a relationship with but cannot live with. While many hopeful parents envision a baby or toddler, the median age for a child in foster care is roughly 10 ½. (
here
)
It is possible to adopt an infant through the state. You must be willing to become a foster parent, however. When a baby is removed from their mother’s care, usually because of a positive drug test, the state will place the baby in your home. Statistics show that children are returned to the home in 60% of cases. You must be aware that more than half the time the children are reunited with their biological parents.
Professionals
Choosing an agency requires research on your part. Many, many agencies exist in every state and some offer their services nationwide. Something to consider is that each agency is allowed to set whatever standards they want for the adoptive families they represent, as long as it follows state laws. For example, some Catholic agencies will not work with gay couples or unmarried people. It’s important to ask what the standards are and decide if you can abide by them. With the wealth of agencies out there it’s possible to find one that fits your worldview and circumstances.
Start locally, with agencies in your immediate area. Being able to meet face to face could make all the difference for you, whereas if your agency is located in another state it is likely that you will conduct everything via the telephone.
INDEPENDENT ADOPTION
What It Is
A birth mother who willingly chooses adoption is considered an independent adoption. For personal reasons, usually financial, a birth mother will decide that placing her child for adoption is the right choice for her. The stereotype of the pregnant teenager placing her baby is largely a myth. Most are Caucasian single mothers, in their mid twenties to late thirties, with children already in their home.
Pros
Being involved during the pregnancy can mean you get to play a bigger part. If it’s comfortable for both parties, you might get to go to a doctor’s appointment. You might go to lunch together a few times or have a few phone conversations. You may even get to be at the hospital or in the delivery room.
You also tend to get more background information about both sides of the birth family this way. It isn’t always possible, but medical records and family histories should be provided by the birth mother.
