Another benefit is the majority of babies go home directly with their adoptive parents after being released from the hospital.
Cons
It is much harder to find an older child to adopt in an independent adoption. Birth mothers do not willingly place older children for adoption; generally the state social worker has removed them from the home. On occasion, a birth mother placing the baby she is currently carrying will also want to place an older sibling in the same family.
The cost of independent adoption can be prohibitive. The entire cost is usually between $20,000 and $35,000. This includes the cost of finding a birth mother, the birth mother’s pregnancy related expenses as allowed by your states’ laws, and the legal fees. The cost is spread out during the course of your adoption. The large fluctuation is due to birth mother expenses. Some states, like California, allow for a birth mother to have her rent, food, medical expenses and more to be paid by the adoptive family. This is charity and in no way can be taken as a bribe or payment for the baby. Nor does she have to pay charity back if she changes her mind about placing. If a birth mother has no other children and lives in a studio apartment, her expenses will be low. If she is a single mother of three, the cost can add up exponentially.
This type of adoption can take a great deal of time. The most difficult and time consuming part is finding a birth mother. There is a lot of competition out there and birth mothers are spread thin. Some adoptive parents try to advertise on their own, buying ad space and a toll free phone number. Blog horror stories abound of answering sob stories at all hours and wiring money to birth mothers who never called again. Also, there are many more families hoping to adopt than women looking to place. In other words, the demand far outweighs supply. This can make for a very long wait time. Last, if you work with someone who allows you to request a certain gender, you will wait even longer. Eighty percent of birth mothers do not know what they are expecting at the time of the match. That means right away 80% will never see your profile.
Professionals
An agency who does state adoptions most likely does independent adoptions as well. It is well worth checking out the ones in your area.
Facilitators exist who specialize in finding birth mothers. These are individuals who charge an advertising fee to find a birth mother for you.
Last are adoption law firms, although they come in two varieties. First are firms that simply do the legal work once you are ready to finalize your adoption, after the baby has been born.
Another is a firm that does it all under one roof. They advertise for a birth mother, they manage the relationship and money between you and your birth mother and they do all the legal paperwork; a few add a lovely touch of getting your baby’s new birth certificate for you.
Which one you go with depends on how much you want to do yourself. An agency may be able to find you a birth mother and may even help with managing the money, but cannot help with the legal. A facilitator can find you a birth mother, but generally then you are on your own. Or you could mix and match.
Interviewing and finding the right independent adoption professional for your adoption is an undertaking in itself. Don’t be afraid to share with others that you are considering adoption, it’s quite common and word of mouth can be the best source of information. There are many decisions you must make about how you see your adoption going (for example, what is the maximum birth mother expenses you can afford?) and many questions you should ask the professionals you are considering.
The next article will delve in detail into the process of how to find the right independent adoption professional for you.
