I am one of ‘those women’ who is lucky enough to have two beautiful sons, however they both have a different father.
The age gap between my boy’s is 7 years, so as you can see, I didn’t go about producing my second offspring lightly.
I know, or certainly know of many women in a situation similar, if not more extreme than mine.
So why am I made to feel like a freak of society, in a small minority? I believe I represent a ‘fair’ cross section of Great Britain’s society, so why do I receive such negative press?
I find myself avoiding the subject, or apologising for it, both of which are totally ludicrous. I anticipate a negative reaction, and often by what someone doesn’t say, tells me exactly what they think.
Endorsement or mockery?
Watch any modern day soap opera, and you will see (or will have seen) a woman who has children of different fathers. Usually these women are portrayed as ‘less well off’ or ‘less intelligent’, which is such an unfair representation.
Think about the ‘docu-soap’ culture that we all enjoy participating in viewing. We like nothing more than to relish in the lives of women who have several women, by several different father’s, in fact it creates ’restroom gossip’ for us all the next day. But if we met the very same woman in the street, we would laugh and mock, and make inappropriate judgements.
How many women in the media ‘public eye’ are in the very same situation, but they are portrayed as heroines or public icons, it just isn’t fair.
It doesn’t make you a failure
Despite achieving success within my career, which has spanned fifteen years, this appears not to count when people choose a reason to judge me.
I find myself acceptingly laughing at people’s sarcastic comments and jokes, and considering I am a confident woman, I rarely defend my honour.
Unless someone allows the opportunity for me to proffer my ‘life resume’, they will without fail assume that I am a social sponger, relying on benefits, passing my children from dad to dad, not thinking that actually my domestic situation suits us all perfectly.
I have worked hard, to make both my children proud of me, that means a lot to me. And no day goes by without me mentally ‘patting myself on the back’ for getting myself and them to where we are now, man or no man!
The benefits
My eldest son has lived most of his life in a situation many kids would envy. He gets more presents than he knows what to do with at Christmas and on birthdays, he has two Christmas Days, two holidays a year, what more could a child want?
I avoid encouraging the creation of a ‘spoilt’ child, but at least I will never be guilty of saying that my children have ever been deprived of love or material comforts.
Our domestic situation suits us all. My current partner, and father to my youngest boy accepts my ‘past’ and does not judge me for it. In fact we live an enjoyable life, and relatively stress free one at that. After all, my eldest son goes away to his father’s every other weekend, therefore allowing my partner, my son and I, time to spend relaxing and enjoying time together without being pressured into visiting theme parks or bowling alleys!
Don’t let it get to you
I live with the fact that I am not a lesser mum to either of my children. They are both as lucky as any child within a ‘same father’ family. I cannot see one negative in our lives as they currently are, so why does society choose to treat me differently.
I really do hope people in my situation become more accepted, to think of all the genuine ‘wrong-doers’ that walk our streets, and are treated like hero’s, make me sad.
