I walked that day; only to discover that many things in my life had changed and yet, had they? I had decided to leave my suburban inner city semi-detached with only my shorts, shirt and thongs in my hand. The sun was shining and the sky was a milky blue. My purpose for walking that day was to visit my girlfriend who lived on the other side of the bay. It was a considerable walk by city measures and even for myself considering that I'd become one of them.
The initial feeling of heading out the door was one of mixed emotions and sordid feelings. I knew as soon as my feet reached the cold grey cement of the pathway leading from the front door through the front garden and joining the five steps that ended at the footpath that I was in for a bemusing day.
I'd felt a rush of the past with memories of my child hood creeping up on me like a naughty child hunting its prey. I didn't know why I felt so emotional at the time, only that I did. Later it became clear. I somehow felt that I was doing something wrong or that I was trespassing on forbidden land.
The different textures were amassing as I leaped down the steps onto the pathway and across the narrow bit of lawn that separated the pathway and the road. As I stood on the black pavement of the road I reeled in pain as the crude asphalt clawed into my soft white feet. I couldn't believe it, when I was a kid I would have eaten this road for breakfast.
My legs buckled as they awkwardly carried my body across the road onto the pathway again. I felt temporary relief although I enjoyed the raw feeling.
As I walked thongs in hand, I contemplated the bold and courageous step that I was taking. The last time I recall wearing bare feet -as we used to say- as if they were something you put on, I was a boy growing up in the suburb of Spence in Canberra. I knew then what the Earth meant to me, I knew that my relation to it and it's to me was of paramount importance to life. So how, after such a long time, maturity, education and guidance did I feel that we lost our way or was it just me?
No, it wasn't just me. I could honestly feel the watchful eyes of onlookers and passers by, of people in their shiny, un-earth like cars peering down their noses at my naked feet. It was the city, what was I doing? Had he lost his mind or was he unemployed? You can't do that…..I could hear their thoughts. Where does he think he is? What kind of a person does that…..and on and on it went.
In a world of labels and boxes that we must fit into, in a world of make believe in that what I once knew had become something else; something that didn't fit in with my soul, my feelings or my beliefs.
If I can't walk with bare feet near my home on my day off then where and when could I?
I walked on triumphant, my confidence grew and my resilience to the all powerful and controlling world of economics, commerce and development filled my every breath. I ran on, leaping onto the gravel. I inhaled the temporary pain and changed again to the smooth white and relatively new concrete wall. It was warm and yet cold. I sat down and dangled my feet into the cold water of the bay as it lapped my legs. I felt free.
Further on the path I came toward a long expanse of grass with trees. I voluntarily moved onto the grass as two ladies walked past me going in the opposite direction. The disbelief in their faces showed as I frolicked on the tightly threaded and manicured green. My smile didn't wan as I carried on. The ladies looked back after a while and saw my enthusiasm and even managed a smile.
Perhaps they were affected. Perhaps my understanding and clarity was infectious.
The ladies carried on and there lives were touched by truth, not by my truth but by the inevitable feeling that life is about all living things, it is about our relationship with others and by others, I mean trees and rivers and oceans. Ours is not to dictate but to learn, to grow and change. We are but a speck amongst the heavens and although we can effect much we can also be thus effected.
Let us feel the grass beneath our feet and see the world before our eyes.
