In today's easy-going society, one has fewer and fewer reasons to be taught or to hold onto traditional ideas of etiquette. Unless you are attending a wedding or a business lunch, a funeral or an extra-fancy restaurant you may not ever put a thought to how simple rules of etiquette still dominate our everyday society. This is for good reason. Etiquette not only tells us which fork to use or what type of gift to buy-it is an underlying tone that sets the pace for how individuals interact and react to one another.
When you open a door for an elderly woman or handicapped individual you show that you as an individual are still connected to humanity as a whole. You have the ability to step outside of yourself and see and attend to the needs of others. It's a very important humanitarian connection that, in my opinion, should always be cultivated regardless of how “modern” society sees itself. Whether it is 2008 or 1888, underlying forms of etiquette drawn from common logic will always lend themselves to the task of returning anarchy to order.
An easy way to show an example of this is at the dentist's office while waiting for an appointment-for instance, a small office with more than one individual standing without a chair to sit on. Formal etiquette according to tradition indicates that women should sit before men, the elderly before men or women and children (depending on age) can be expected to sit on a lap or stand at the discretion of their parents. This is not just for the comfort of the one being offered the chair but also for the comfort of all those in the wait area. Other people cannot be comfortable in the presence of human suffering. It is in our nature to attempt to alleviate suffering at all cost-even if the suffering is menial by opinion and the cure to it is simple.
But without strict societal rules, this instinctual impulsive gesture of respect can go very wrong very quickly. If an elderly woman enters the crowded waiting room a man or a woman can offer her a chair and she can accept it without hesitation. Elderly women do not suffer from the same imaginary cultural restrictions that men often suffer from. An elderly man might decline the seat being offered. If it is a woman, he might be trying to be polite and let her keep the seat. If it is a man, he might decline as to not seem weak. He may, regardless of the gender of the person sitting, decline a seat because he prefers to stand.
No one ever knows for sure the reasons behind a person's decisions no matter what gender they are. The difficulty in trying to extend these simple chivalries is that you never know the reaction you are going to get. In 1888, it would have been expected of you. To not offer the seat would have been worse then the seat being denied. In 2008 it seems the simple act of offering is the thing to cause offence-and please, whatever you do; don't by any mean insist they accept your gesture. In this day and age it is a bigger crime to attract attention to someone then to completely ignore them.
Even though in today's society the simple act of offering someone your seat might cause more of a problem then just ignoring the fact that they're standing, offering is still important. You never know if that one act of kindness just might make the difference in someone's life. Our not so distant ancestors were uniquely aware of the little things that separated us from the “savages” of their imaginations. Etiquette may seem dead but it enriches our lives with simple pleasures: the pleasure of helping someone, the pleasure of being helped.
