Renowned psychologist, Sigmund Freud once said; to satisfy a woman, a man must be on top her in every sense of the word. If Freud resurrected today, he would be a very disappointed man. Tables have since been turned and many men have increasingly found it hard to remain on top. Others have since surrendered the "on top" duties to women especially with regards to finances and family leadership.
It should be a blessing to have a rich wife, but to most men, the blessing remains in the books. In reality, many men don't feel comfortable about surrendering their authority, which comes with the ability to provide. In Uganda, a senior Engineer in Kampala was very much in charged of the affairs of his family until his wife became so politically powerful that she was the No.5 most powerful personality in the country. He tried to exert his authority as the man of the home by even being physical, but it just couldn't work because the wife had a fleet of bodyguards and serious protocols to weave through. He also thought he could make a pass at his wife by being adulterous and that is the point where the woman announced she could no longer get on with the marriage. Today the Engineer and the Powerful woman have concluded their divorce court case and are no longer husband and wife.
Yet another Ugandan husband married to a powerful woman in Kampala is facing it rough. His peers now call him "Rooster" because he has to hurry home just as the hens go to roost. His wife is one of the most guarded Ministers and word has it that when she returns home before him, her security detail is instructed to lock him out of their matrimonial home.
Am tempted to think that, just like men with power and money tend to be egoistic and full of control over their wives, the same is true for powerful women who find themselves financially better off than their husbands. It is said that providers can not live like beggars: The providing wife loses her submissive qualities, starts deciding on family issues, priorities and plans without any regard to the opinion of the financially dependent husband.
In our tradition, the family home is usually referred to by the Husbands name, however, in a situation where the woman is on top of situations resource wise, this gradually changes and you will notice that every body in the neighborhood is calling the matrimonial home by the wife's name and in this case, the man designated as the natural provider loses his seat in the marital relationship and develops inferiority complex. His ego starts raging for his rightful position; the result is violence to prove his manhood, adultery to hurt her and alcoholism to drown his humiliation and frustration.
Having a woman to be on top of a man in terms of resource provision without injuring the ego of the man calls for a lot of flexibility from the man himself. African men find these changes too daunting given the widely accepted belief that men are a superior sex. Only men who have the self-esteem, maturity and the ability to handle the mockery of fellow colleagues can cope with such reversal of roles and opportunities in favor of his wife.
Unfortunately for men, some women use their financial leverage over their husbands to replace male domination with women imperialism without understanding male ego. They use the same female perceptions to judge men and shatter their husbands completely.
It is therefore very important that such dramatic affront on a man's position as the king of the home by a reversal of fortunes in favor of a woman needs to be carefully handled by both parties. A woman should not cease to be a woman just because she has the wallet in the family. Marital Counseling would help such a family better and avoid plunging them into a collapse.
