We all try so hard to be individuals. Yet, we don't want to be so different that we become outcasts. Quite a predicament.
When we perceive ourselves as too different, we will hide behind any sort of wall that lends itself as protection. The question is why?
The answer is because too different is scary to other people. If we are too different, people will not look us in the eye when we pass on the street. In fact, people may walk out of the way to avoid us. People you thought were friends may even stop talking to you.
Therefore, those of us who are different in a socially unacceptable way hide. We will hide behind false smiles. We will not share our deepest secrets with even our closest friends. We pretend all is well in our world because it is safer than facing the rejection from the world around us.
The above reasons are why I kept my mental health issues a secret for so long. I was sure that I would open myself up for rejection. People would avoid me as if I had just promised to poison their dog or slash their tires.
My problem is that Bipolar is a part of who I am. Hiding that part of me holds tremendous challenges. I was told that I can't tell people about the Bipolar because it will make my situation worse. But, as I found out, not telling makes the situation worse because I feel as if I'm telling lies to everyone who asks how I'm doing.
I've worn the plastic smile for years. I've hidden in the corner of my room and cried in the dark too many times. I've wanted to wander off in the darkness and never find my way back. Yet, here I remain. And now I'm coming out of my safety zone and opening myself up for rejection.
Yet, somehow, I feel better about opening up than hiding. I can no longer pretend to be what I am not. I feel better about myself knowing that if people reject me for who I am, at least they know the truth about me.
And the truth is-I am different-maybe too different for you. I am Bipolar. It is a chemical imbalance that is being treated. I am not crazy. I am not contagious and I will not slash your tires.
