Man is a gregarious animal, company-loving, and so the need for making friends and keeping them cannot be overemphasized. This friendship can be seen at the personal, community, national and international levels. The urge for having friends is so great that even if one is not eager for friendship, someone will seek him out and befriend him. So the saying has evolved that '' a good friend is better than a bad brother''.
However it appears that what gives many the utmost company and fullfillment, is also the source of woe, gnashing, regret, sadness and even death. The latter needn't be if making friends and keeping them is approached with the right consciousness. With the right attitude, one can have many circles of friends, with each circle having a state of consciousness that dictates their tastes, likes and dislikes and ultimately their outlook on life. A flexible individual can thus have endless circles of friends and still be himself while equally granting them space and a sense of beingness. From experience many people are incapable of letting their friends be. And why is this so?
Some people are too possessive. They become jealous, resentful and aggressive when the friends they cherish have their own friends. They feel that their beloved friends have either betrayed them or put their friendship on a lower rung. These possessive friends want to dictate who and what comes into your life. To say the least, their attitude misses the essence of true comradeship. Could one be better off without this kind of friendship?
Unconditional friendship is what needs to be practised by many, if not all persons, if friendship is to approach the divine wavelength. Those who know about this kind of friendship think they'll fare better without friends than to entertain friendship that dehumanizes them. Unconditional friendship appreciates only the radiant warmth of knowing each other, sets no conditions or limitations and expects nothing in return for whatever acts of kindness or care on behalf of friendship. Unconditional friendship considers each other as a precious gift of life, sees in the other the image of God and cherishes every moment spent together. At parting it's not uncommon for those in such a bond of intimacy to feel as if a part of them has been taken away, or like the ground has been pulled from under their feet. This kind of friendship can be likened to a balm, a salve in this trying world of vicissitudes.
Many people would be better off without the friends they have now just because these friends no longer serve the needs of personal growth and positive advancement. The moment they realize that the friends they've are fair weather friends, that ends it. It all depends on one's sense of discrimination and what one wants in life. On the other side the mercenary who wants only material benefits from a friendship, is quick to terminate a relationship which doesn't serve material ends. Thus once a particular goal has been achieved, the mercenary friend doesn't see the need for further friendship. This kind of friendship is seen at the personal, community, national and international levels. The victims growl in the shadows with maimed hearts and can hardly express their plight. They went into friendship thinking they were on the celestial lane of friendship.
A corollary of mercenary friendship is friendship based on power, on the ability to use material goods and services to influence others, the giving and withdrawal of which has great leverage on the friendship. The person practicing this kind of friendship knows what strings to pull to engage the other party in a macabre dance,and he pulls them at whim. You'll hear statements like '' you've been missing, keep in touch, I've not seen you for ages'' etc. In this kind of friendship only one party takes the initiative to ask after the other, make calls, pay visits, request live chats etc. The other party is the lord almighty, the governor who has the yam and the knife. However if one is not a slave to material things, he'll not find himself in such a position. Yet the needs of daily existence, poverty and deprivation have helped forge many dictatorial friendships and unions, temporarily or for a lifetime. If the rich and powerful knew any better, this shouldn't be the case, but they continue to talk from a high pedestal. Once the other party has a way out or realizes what's been going on, the condescending dictator passing for a friend loses a disciple and has to look for a new recruit. His heart is a cold stone in the middle of the river. He'll never have a true friend because he is not a friend, but an oppressor of the free human spirit.
It is said that the only way to have a friend is to be one yourself. Notwithstanding, some people go the needless extra mile. They'll lose whatever esteem they have just to maintain friendship. It seems they must have their friends or cease to exist. The result is loss of individuality. Many people become nonentities, not realizing that some friendships need to be discontinued, shelved because they are a burden psychically and spiritually. Can anything be more inimical to the advancement of the human spirit, to the human soul, than such claptrap friendship? The burden is with each individual to decide to leave others free or to get into real friendship. Everyone is under a moral and spiritual obligation to evaluate the quality of friendship offered, then accept or reject it. One should look before one leaps in order not to find oneself in a tight corner resulting from uncircumspective acceptance of friendship.
